The Memoirs

Graham was glad--actually, scratch that. Graham was thrilled to get out of the hellish confusion of the building site. The crew he'd been given to carpet with was more experienced than he'd dreamed, and he'd been able to get more work done in the buildings than he'd ever expected by this time. They were half done, every floor that needed carpeting was carpeted in half the buildings, and Graham was extraordinarily proud of himself.

If that didn't earn him a break, he didn't know what did. He'd called lunch fifteen minutes ago, told his three foremen that he'd be gone offsite for lunch, probably an hour or more, and to call on the cell phone if they had any trouble.

If they were lucky? They weren't.

He was settled in the driver's seat of his Explorer--God, how he'd missed this car--and cranked it up smoothly as he pulled out of the building site, and onto the main highway. As he drove, he dialed the hospital switchboard, and asked for Toni. He grimaced as he heard the echo of her paging over the intercom system.

"Si, si señora, si, el.. uh... niño tiene... uh... stomacho flu?"

Her Spanish was pitiful. She'd chastise herself for it later, as her nurses helped the puking little boy, and winced softly as she finished sliding in the IV to his little arm. "Don't... uh... no.... worry. El niño va… ah... estar... bien?" She nodded at the woman, patting her arm gently as she rose, rattling off a course of treatment for the little boy to get him hydrated, and whisked out. Her pager was blinking and vibrating against her waist, and she unclipped it as she grasped the cane her coworkers had gotten her as a joke, using it to hobble with her enormous blue cast to the main desk. She ducked past a worker being rushed in with a bleeding arm, wincing as she motioned for one of her experienced residents to take it, and plopped her chart in its holder as she rolled her eyes at Estelle's knowing smile, and set the phone to her ear, saying briskly and business-like, "Dr. Braxton, may I help you?"

Graham's insides melted just a little bit. "Aye, Doctor, ye ken. I think it's m'heart."

She thumped Estelle on the arm when the woman cackled, and Toni tried like vain to hide her smile, turning away so she'd have a bit of privacy. "Hiya, sugar. How's the day been going?"

"Been busy, but I was wonderin' if ye'd like t'have lunch with a carpet layer?"

"Depends on if you mind a little baby puke and neon tennis shoes, carpet layer."

"No'at all. Dinna mind it a'bit; I'm usedta the baby puke as when I get a sick Shaney."

His accent had her knees wobbling, and she plopped on the side of the desk, white coat caught under her butt, scrubs messy, and somehow he made her feel like a million bucks. "You've got a deal. I can only spare about forty five minutes though, okay?'

"Tha's just all right with me. Now come on outside, before I hafta do somethin' Irish, like carry ye out over m'shoulder." He beeped the horn, right outside the emergency room.

She jumped, let out a laugh, ignoring the squeals of giggles from the three nurses listening on the other extension, and rolled her eyes at them as she hung up. "I'll be back in forty five minutes, eh?" They all exploded into giggles and Toni couldn't help grinning herself, sighing as she stepped around the wall with the window for the receptionist, going around and sighing as she pushed through the double swinging doors. Such a dork, but damn if he wasn't her dork, and she sighed, rolling her eyes as she walked towards him, hobbling away as she was, and opened the side of the explorer, peering across the seat at him, inspecting him for dirt, before motioning a hand. "Help me in?"

"A'course." Graham jumped down out of the driver's side, and went around the front of the truck to the passenger side. His hands fit right around her waist. "Goin't lift you on th'count o'three."

"Don't let me bonk you with my cast 'gain, sugar pie." She smiled and nodded back at him, looking up over her shoulder at him with twinkling eyes.

"I won't." He grinned. "All righ'. One. Two. an... three." He lifted her up easy, moving so her cast didn't thump him, and raised her so that her butt caught the corner of the seat. "You settled?"

"Uh huh." She slid into the seat comfily and wriggled until she was in, rolling her eyes down at him. "Don't look now sweetie, but the vultures are starin' at you from the window." A smirk and she tucked her long jacket around her, pulling her stethoscope down from her neck and setting it on his dashboard as she closed the door behind her.

Graham turned and waved to the row of nurses and such that were staring at him through the window, and then swung himself up into the driver's seat after he'd walked around again. "Dinna care if they look, lass. Nothin' they c'n do."

"They're looking because you're hot." Matter of factly, raising her brow and daring him to argue as she pulled her seat belt on in the...truly enormous car. She felt almost swallowed up in it, but damn if it didn't give her room for her cast, and she tucked the cane, which had Goofy on it, beside her. "What made you think to come eat with me, anyway?"

No lie, she'd been a weepy mess lately over the man sitting beside her. Strange feeling, strange acting, and she was Toni damn Braxton. She never let guys get to her.

Except this one.

He wasn't going to tell her the truth. That on the floor of one of the buildings, there was a huge drop of bright blue paint that had made him think of her cast before they'd carpeted over it, and he hadn't been able to get her off his mind since that.

Well, a half truth. "Couldna get y'off m'mind, darlin'."

"Yeah right. Got Pipa the Guatemalan love slave bitin' at your ankle." She teased it, because she'd heard Dominic shoot it at Lionel the other day and it had cracked her the hell up. "Where you taking me in this fine town?"

"No' that there's much choice, but I was thinkin' the little place on the corner? Derchi's? Heard they have a won'erful lunch menu."

"You're Italian, you tell me." She answered, but gave him a smile. Right about now she'd tease him into kissing her, but after lately... she just wasn't gonna do that stuff anymore. When, and if, he was ready for her, he'd do it his way. In the meanwhile, she was backing off, and its what she'd cried to Lindy about on accident the other day. Man was driving her six shades of crazy, and she couldn't stop wailin' over him. Fuck it all.

Too bad he was too much of a keeper to let slip away, because in every other situation she would have been long gone.

It was those eyes. Those huge green eyes, that drove her to distraction. Damn man.

Graham just grinned at her. "I thought ye'd see it my way. I havena been able'ta spen' as much time unpackin' an' all that I've wanted, since I'm kinna in limbo aboot the house, but I'm signin' the sale on Monday, and c'n move in later i'the week." He looked at her slyly out of the corner of his eye. "Should I be savin' ye dresser space?"

"W'should probably have a long talk about that, sugar." Was all she said, as she looked out the window at the construction. "Everything is looking so beautiful, don't you think? Lionel had a great idea about coming here, and look. Place has been flooded with new people, its wonderful."

"Aye, I s'pose tis nice to see alla these people buzzin' around."

"But?" She glanced over at him.

"T'was a nicer place, methinks, when it was quieter." But he smiled. "Dinna listen t'me--havena been livin' here at all as long as ye have; we just sort of descended on th'town durin' Christmas and we ain't left."

She smiled, at that, very quietly as she set her hands in her lap. "It was too quite. Got really lonely around here more than just sometimes, you know? Or maybe it was just me who was lonely. But the night descended and there wasn't much to do but go home and go to sleep. Nothing like Metropolis."

"Ach. Metropolis is nothin' but a blight on the face o'the Earth. Smallville t'was a bit like Cobh, in th'quietness and the familyness of it all, an'I missed that."

"Cobh, or Smallville?"

"Litt'l o'both." Graham paused at the stop light, getting ready to make the turn into the restaurant parking lot. "Missed Cobh most o'my life, an'when I foun' Smallville, t'was like findin' Cobh over again. And then, tis like losin' it agin."

"Why don't you go back, sugar?" She tipped her head as she looked at him. "Take Shaney, go back to Ireland? If you miss it so, why don't you go back?"

"Dunna think I'd do it. No' jus' for me, but for Shaney. Isna' the life anymore, not for a boy like him. An' as much extended family as we got still there, I wouldna take him away from his family now."

She looked down at her lap a moment. "You love him, a lot, Graham. That's a good quality in a man. But now, since Lionel bought your old house...you can visit, with your family. Go back and see the old place, don't you think? It'll always be in your family now, for you, and for whatever nephews they produce you."

Graham shook his head. "Didna explain it right. Wasna an easy life for me Da or for Mama, an' it was th'life Mama was raised for. Da died early, Mama worked herself t'death, and it isna the life I want for m'boy. Aye, we may visit, for a week or two, but we willa be movin'."

She nodded, that, and thought of her own parents, adopted as she was. They'd taken care of her, loved her, and protected her all her life, and her heart couldn't help swelling as she did. "can't tell you I'm disappointed you're staying, you know."

At that, he grinned, as he pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. "I'm no disappointed either, darlin'." He pulled the keys out as he opened the door, and in a few seconds, he was around to her side, opening the door and holding out his hands.

She watched him, every step, as he went around the car to her. He walked with a confidence she was sure he felt, big man as he was, came around to pull the car door open and look at her, and Toni felt her heart beat frantically in her chest. It was only gonna be a day or two before she pulled him down to speak with her, and she wasn't even sure if he'd listen. Promiscuous as she'd been, and her heart fluttered in panic as she pasted on a smile and took each of his hands, her goofy cane hanging on her arm.

Graham took her hands and swung her down gently on the ground, and left his arm around her waist. "Come on, darlin'," he said softly, rubbing his thumb across the small of her back. "We c'n talk inside."

"Alrighty." She put her cane down and waited for him to close the car up, before beginning her hobble inside. She didn't let him help her--be damned if he would, and just hobbled in easy as can be, head thrown back in pride.

Graham closed the car door and used the remote on the key chain to start the car alarm, and he tucked the keys in his pocket as he rushed to hold the door open for her. "Wouldna kill ye to accept help," he said softly, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair as she walked past him.

"Ohh yes it would." She hummed, her lips spreading into a smile as she peered up at him. "Against my nature, sugar pie." The restaurant smelled like divine something, and she purred softly in pleasure. "I love this place."

"Aye, I do too." Graham let the door close quietly behind him, and the "Please Seat Yourself" sign seemed to point that they could sit anywhere they wanted. "Mmm... how about the corner table there, wi'the candles i'th' wine bottles?"

"Sure thing." Romance. BAD. She stepped onto the carpet, making sure not to fall over and kill herself, and walked beside him towards the table. "How's your family, sugar? Shay alright? Heard from Lindy about her falling out with her boyfriend."

Graham growled. "Did ye now?" Nobody mentioned the bastard any longer at all to him.

She blinked up at him. Oh. Shit. "I meant... not falling out. Brief argument of which is over." Deep wince. She'd screwed little Shayla over. Oops. "They were… um... arguing. About! Music. Or something?"

"Let's just no' talk about Shayla and her little jerk of boyfriend, aye?" Good mood? Gone.

She winced in her white jacket, teeth bared in a wincing grimace as she slid into the booth in front of him. "Graham... I'm sorry, sugar. I thought you knew, sweetie. I think they're already back together though, from what Lindy told me."

"Dunna. Wanna. Hear it." He'd beat the story out of Shayla later.

"Gonna have to, sugar, as that boys gonna be with her longer than any of you expect. He loves her, cause I've seen it, so don't you go bullying her around, Graham Senatori." Toni chided it, glaring as she opened the menu sitting on the table and peered in it.

"I dunna bully."

Really, he didn't. Was it his fault he had nearly thirty years, twelve inches, and a hundred pounds on his little sister?

"Yes, you do, and let me tell you something, for all your size, I can still take you down." She glared over her menu, before looking back into it at the parmesan spaghetti.

Graham sighed, at that. "Aye, darlin'. Y'can."

She peered over at his menu... looked at hers, then pointed at his. "Look at that. Grilled chicken over fettuccini. You... do have Italian blood in those veins, right? You tell me what's good."

"Aye, I have Italian, from me Da's side." He peered at his own menu. "Ach. The white sauces; dinna touch 'em. Americans dinna know how to make a decent creamy cheese sauce fer your life." He studied a little further. "Ach. There. The marinara chicken, which is aye, th'best o'the menu."

She was too busy listening to his lilt, and wondering about how beautiful he must sing, to hear a single word he'd said. Damn her. Damn her for feeling this way. "Hmm? Oh, that's fine. You order it, alright? No garlic on mine."

"Y'werena listenin' to a thing I said," Graham answered, sitting down his menu. "I could have tol'ye t'order a pile o'shite."

"And you would have said it so pretty that I would agreed." Toni nodded, raising a brow at him as a smile quirked her lips.

"What's got ye so turned around, my lassie, that ye canna see straight?"

"Your voice. Your accent. It drives me bonkers."

Graham chuckled softly. "Ye've nae heard m'brother's? I thought ye'd b'used to it by now!"

"Dominic's isn't as pronounced." She shook her head. "He told me he had a tutor teach him how to speak English properly, and it shows. His accent is thick, but nothing like yours. Its... its nice. Really nice." But she looked back down at her menu at the compliment.

And little Catrina May came sidling up to her table, barely bigger than Toni, and smiled. "Hi! Welcome to Derchi's, can I get you something to drink?"

"Aye, m'little brother had a voice coachin'." He paused as the waitress came up to their table. "Aye, missy, y'can. I'd like a... actually, I'd like a pint o'Guinness stout, but seein' as I'm workin' the rest o'the day, I'll settle for a nice big glass o'sweet tea."

Catrina May was in love. Sure, she was nineteen, freshly graduated the year before, but muuuuuther! She beamed, giggling and batting her lashes at him, as she wrote her order down. "That's… we have… a great tea. Great." Another giggle.

Toni cocked a brow, and glared at the young blond thing. "Same for me too."

Blink. "Oh!" There was someone else at the table. "Sure!"

"Then I say we'll b'havin' two o'those great teas of yours." He offered her a smile, the same sort he'd usually offer Shayla. "W'extra sugar f'r me."

Another slew of giggles, and Catrina May almost slammed into the table behind her before nodding and scurrying away, and just missed the young black woman rolling her eyes around in her head.

Graham, however, didn't miss it. "She's no much older'n my Shayla, Toni. Ye've no' got a'thing t'worry aboot."

"I don't care. What, a black woman can't get a fine ass man like yourself? What did she think, I was your sister? Bitch." Toni muttered it under her breath, as she set her menu down and glared at him.

Graham leaned across the table, long torso stretching over to kiss her. "No'my sister."

He pressed his full, soft, bearded lips to hers, and she pressed back, even as it broke her heart. "We should talk, Graham."

"Aye, I know. I'm no stupid; I'd known somethin' more than m'accent had ye twisted in knots."

She looked down at the table...reached out, and took his hand so gently in her own. "Graham, I had a speech thought up. Rehearsed it, the nights I couldn't sleep... tried to find a time to tell you this." She looked up at him. "Cupcake, I dont know if you're ready for me."

"Ready for ye how, ex'ctly?"

"Ready for me, period, sugar." She gazed up at him. "Had myself many good cries over it, thinkin' about it. You're not over your wife, Graham. You're just settling down..." Her throat bobbed. "This isn't about the sex, 'fore you think of it. I don't mind it, I'll wait for you. I just don't think you're ready for any type of relationship, honey. Don't feel like we're seeing each other. Feels like we're only f... friends." She was not going to fucking cry.

Graham just blinked. Couldn't say anything, for a moment. "I... I am ready for ye, Toni. I havena been here, aye, but w'the new job at th'buildings... I bar'ly ha'e th'time to sleep. Tis why I wanted lunch wi'ye today."

"It's not... about the buildings, Graham." She wanted very badly to drag her fingers through her hair because she was going to bawl, and unlike some women, who had pretty tears, she just became a gibbering mess. "And you know it."

"No, I dunna know," Graham said thickly. "I dunna know what you mean, I dunna know what you're saying, and I dunna like hearing it. All I'm knowin' is that I dunna like what yer sayin', and I dunna like the feelin' in the pit o'my belly."

"I'm saying, Graham, baby, I don't think you're over the death of your wife. Me bein' here is fucking things up for you. You're just getting back on your feet, you're taking care of Shane, you've got a life to build here in Smallville. I don't think you're ready, Graham, for what a woman like me can give you." She squeezed his fingers, tightly in her own, and dragged them up so the pressed against her chest, their joined fingers squeezed tightly close. "Can you honestly tell me, Graham, you're over Missy, and you're ready to have a life with me?"

Graham tightened his fingers around Toni's, squeezing them back carefully because he didn't want to hurt her. "Dunna know about that, darlin'. I want ye in m'life. Canna think of it wi'out ye agin. I wan'ye there."

Didn't know about that. Hmm. She wasn't going to cry, no, no she was certainly not, and she brought a hand to her hair, dragging the short little locks from her forehead as she nodded. Let go of his hands, and looked down at her own, as she swallowed, tightly. "You should figure it out, Graham. I can be in your life as your friend, if you're not ready." The hell she could, but he didn't know that. "You need to find who you are again, sugar, and ain't nobody gonna do that but you."

"Dunna want ye t'be m'friend, Toni. I wan'ye t'be my darlin'." He let go of her after she let go of him, and set back in his chair. "Dunna want to know who I am wi'out ye."

She looked up. "You need to, Graham. You're going to have to find yourself, before you find me. Because you have a lot of unresolved issues, baby. I just don't wanna look back ten years from now and say woulda coulda shoulda."

Graham shook his head again. "Toni darlin', I'm no... I'm no a stupid man, n'matter how much I seem it. I'm just no... Toni, I love ye. If I dunna know anythin' else, I know that."

Then why couldn't he touch her, hold her, look at her like a woman, and not like a sister? But she was exhausted, and she didn't want to spend the rest of the day with puffy eyes, and she just nodded softly, looking down at the drinks that had been set on their table at some point. She blinked and took one of the sugar packets, busying her slender, long fingers.

Graham reached out and took the packet out of her hands. "D'ye no wan t'be here wi'me? I c'n take ye back, if ye dunna."

She looked up, and yeah, her chin trembled a little. Fuck it, she was a woman, she could cry if she wanted to. "Ain't nowhere else Id rather be, sugar." Cause I love you much as a woman can, you great idiot of a man.

"Then dunna talk o'leavin' me." Graham's hands tightened around hers again. "Please, dunna. I didna feel anythin' again until I met ye."

His big hands holding her little ones had her biting her lip, tightly. "I won't."

"Please don't. Don't know what I'd do wi'out ye."

She slid her hands away, to pour more sugar into her iced tea, and didn't say anything at all.

Graham was startled when she pulled away, and he wanted to walk out of the restaurant, out of Smallville, and find a nice place to raise Shaney alone. But he didna, because his chest was tight, he couldn't breathe, and it hurt to think of anything without Toni.

"I'm sorry I canna be what ye wan' o'me."

"You are what I want." She whispered, because she saw the hurt flash across his eyes, and all she wanted to do was cry and hide somewhere. "You're everything I want. I just think maybe I'm not what you want." She touched his hand, softly. "We've been together going on four months, next week, Graham." She shrugged a shoulder softly, as she sipped her tea to hide her trembling chin.

"Dunna know what ye wan' me t'say to that, darlin'," Graham said, his throat slightly scratchy as he ignored the tea he couldn't drink anyway. "Yer th' mos'bewti'ful woman i'the'world. Canna think uf a time when ye willna be wi'me."

If he didn't know, didn't see, then it was a lost cause talking to him, and she just smiled a little, and looked up as the waitress arrived at their table with steaming chicken marinara.

"Here we go!" bubbly sweet, and Catrina leaned over and set both plates in front of them, smiling happily as she set their breadsticks down as well. "Anything else I can getcha?"

"Nae, missy. Dunna need anythin' else." Mebbe a new life.

"Alrighty! Call me when you need your check."

Toni glanced up and glared the young woman into submission, watching her leave before turning back to look at Graham, carefully and softly. "I'm sorry for upsetting you, sugar."

"Aye, we will." He didn't notice Toni's glare, or if he did, it didn't register with him. "Didna upset me," he lied. And badly, at that. "Ye've a right t'feel wha'ever you wan'."

And she knew it. She'd been playing this game for a long time, she knew men, and she knew when their egos, and their hearts, were bruised. "Sure it did, sugar. I can see these things. I just don't want this to be a mistake. I don't us to share a bed together and for me to change Shaney and for you to suddenly realize its all a mistake. Been through a lot of heartbreak in my life, sugar, and I don't want or need anymore. I want this to be right between us, go right by us and by God."

"D'ye really think I'd hurt ye like that, darlin'? D'ye really think I'd use ye like that? I didna want t'fall in love wi'ye, darlin'. I didna. But I canna help it, and now that I have? Wouldna trade it for a thing."

"Its not using, Graham." She said softly, shaking her head as she reached for his hand. "Not using at all, to take solace in someone you care 'bout when you've been through somethin' so tragic, sugar. Not using someone, at all, just needing the companionship. You know, though? I'm just... just going to be quiet now."

"An' I dunna want ye t'be quiet!" Graham said. "I wan'ye t'be able to speak yer mind because it's one o'th'things I love th'most about ye!"

She just shook her head, looking up at him. "Then answer me. Graham, you gotta look inside yourself, sugar. I'm here for the long haul, but I can't have no man who's still got issues. I been hurt plenty in my life, and what I'm looking for is for keeps. 'Im in for the long haul, sugar, and I know I am worth having a man spoil me, and love me. You can be that man for me. All that matters is that you treat me right, and you be honest."

"Th'truth of it is this. I want ye, Toni. More'n I should sometime, cause I know I'm no'the man I usedta be. An' I want to gi'e ye everythin' I got, everythin' I can, but it isna good enow for ye. I'M no' good enough for ye, darlin', an' well do I ken it."

She stared at him. And reached across the table, slapping him across the back of the head. "You're a fuckin' stupid mountain of a man, Graham Senatori." She snarled it, and gave him another swat with her linen napkin, for good measure. "Sugar, wanting me isn't bad. Think I'd still be here after four months if I didn't love you right on back? Loved you the first time I saw you, man mountain, and it sure ain't going to change this late in the game."

"Aye, tis a bad thing, when the nights have come that I canna think of anythin' but havin' you, how sweet and soft you'd be, and tiny in my arms to crush ye."

Oh. Oh, dear Jesus. She hid the sparks he send into her cheeks, the goosebumps and tingles he flew over her body, and swatted him again. "And you're telling me that cause you feel like I'm too good for you, you haven't had me yet?" Blatant stare. "Was I not coming on strong enough?"

"Aye." He didn't clarify which he was agreeing to.

"Don't you 'aye' me like some big Irish brute." Glare. "What're you saying? Don't tell me I didn't come on enough, Graham."

"Nae, you came on eno'gh. Wasna question of knowin' ye wanted me, darlin'. T'was a question of me bein' good eno'gh for ye."

"Graham, you know what first attracted me to you?" She asked, tipping her hand as she pushed her fork through the chicken in front of her, not even paying attention to it as she spoke to him. "You're a real man, Graham. Simple in your ways... you're not a city slicker by any regard. You work with your hands, you come home at night and eat a meal, play with your son, and play your guitar. You're honest, you have integrity, and you're a man of the land. That's what attracted me to you, the blunt, complete masculinity of you. Your brothers aren't like you in that respect… they're men of the city, men who haven't worked the land in years. Sure... working with skills you learned is integral. But they'll never know what a true day of work is, to work with your hands and make something and know you made it." She looked at him, for a long, long moment. "I want to know I'm the one who made you give a damn about life, Graham. I want you, not just for your body, though," A low whistle. "Sugar, you're built like a quarterback. I want you for your mind. For your heart, for the person who's inside. I want that person to love me. Because I already love him, so much."

He sighed. "Ye havena been listenin' t'me, Toni my darlin'. Ye are the reason I care aboot life, as ye say. Y'are the person tha' made me feel after wha feels like a lifetime of no' feelin' anythin'!" Deep breath. "I saw ye, in m'bed, durin' the storm, through a crack in th'door, an'I nearly died for it. Didna wan' ye t'be anywhere else, e'er 'gain."

Then why aren't you intimate with me? "Why are you beating yourself up, sugar? Why are you in so much self doubt?"

"B'cause I know ye willna b'happy wi'me." He sighed softly. "Ye say that ye like me for bein' a simple man, but I'm ever'thin' yer not. Everythin' your life isna like. Dunna think I havena thought aboot it. And... I want ye, darlin', so much I ache fer it some nights, but I canna... I canna bear the th'ght of ye slippin' away because I canna gi'e ye what yer accustomed'ta."

"Maybe what I've been looking for isn't what I'm accustomed to." She answered, glaring. "Ever think to ask me? Or were you too self involved in your own pity party?" She wasn't angry, just... she needed his answer. "Every man I've had before you, four of them, have been city slickers. They cheated on me, stole from me, took advantage of me, and put my damn heart through a ringer. Okay? I don't want no man like that. I want an honest man, to raise a family with... even though I can't ever give you any kids."

"An' I told ye, I dunna care aboot havin' more children. Shaney's enough of a handful as t'is, an'we can always adopt a child if we fin'out later we wan'em. I'm no goin' to hurt ye, darlin'. I'm goin' to protect ye, as long as I can, e'en from me." Graham set his glass down on the table. "Dunna goin' to let anythin' happen to ye. I swear it."

"You are hurting me, Graham." She snapped back at him. "You are hurting me, sugar, because you don't let me in, and I have to rip them from you. You tell me you can't picture your life without me, but what image are you holding? A woman who won't say nothing 'bout it, Graham? I'm capable of giving you somethin' you ain't never had in your life, sugar, because there ain't nothing on this earth like my love. But you need time to think if its what you really want. Cause once I start, I ain't stopping."

Graham was quiet for long moments. "D'ye wanna know what I see, darlin'? The picture I'm seein'? Soccer games with Shaney, sometimes baseball. You meetin' his girlfrien' at th'door and decidin' if she's good enough for our boy. Comin' home and sittin' down at th'table and havin' dinner and helpin' Shaney with his homework while I clean up in th'kitchen. Then tuckin' him in at nigh' wi'a kiss an' a story, th'two of us."

The simple way he spoke flooded her eyes, and her hands trembled until the fork rattled on the plate, and she set it down and swallowed, deeply. "You asshole, what's keeping you from that but your own fear? I don't ask for all that you are, Graham, I wouldn't ever. I just wanna have... have that with you. But I'll be damned if Im going to cry over it anymore."

"Can ye be happy w'me, Toni? A simple man who lays carpet for a livin', has a bit of money laid by but I'm no' rich like m'brother. Canna gi'e a palace, jus' a home w'me and my boyo. Can ye be happy w'that?"

"I've been looking for nothing else my entire life." She said, softly, her jaw clenching as she fought her tears back. "I want to be your woman, Graham, and nothin' on this earth will change that."

"An' I want t'be yer man, darlin'. I do, more'n anything. I want ye t'be part o'my life, for the rest o'my days." He looked up at her, and tightened his grip on her hands.

She sighed, softly, at him, and brought his palms to her face, pressing the big hand against her cheek. "Then be intimate with me, like I tried to be with you. Kiss me, and hold me, and be my boyfriend, sugar."

"Here?"

"No, bonehead." But she smiled at him, and rolled her eyes at him. "Lost cause stamped on your forehead, sugar." She cut her chicken with her knife and began to eat the cooling meal.

"I'm no'a lost cause!" Graham protested. "Really!"

"Yes you are. Lost cause all the damn way." The grin sparkled as she held out a piece of her chicken for him to taste on her fork.

Graham picked up his own fork and maneuvered it so that he could stab the chicken with the tines of his own fork.

Sigh. Jesus. She took the fork he'd just stabbed her chicken with, and offered it again, for him to bite.

Oh. He got the message that time, and he leaned forward, opening his mouth and looking up at her, eyes twinkling over his beard and mustache.

She smiled at him as he did it, watching his lips slide off the fork, and then slid it into her mouth, licking the sauce he missed, handing him her own fork to eat his food with, and continued to eat with his. "You gonna come help me pack my shit, man mountain? I've got a lot of it, lot of knick knacks and stuff."

His face brightened. "Aye, I'll help ye pack. Dinna trust me with breakables, though, that I learned the 'ard way, through broken dishes. I c'n bring ye some bub'le wrap from th'work site; Christ knows it's layin' about in great rolls."

"That'll work." She said it with no nonsense, but her eyes twinkled. "I do love you, you know."

"Aye, though how ye love a great brute like me, I dinna ken. But I willna question it any longer."

"You shouldn't. Been around this long, cupcake. I'll be around for longer than this, you know." She smiled it, at him, and rolled her eyes as she continued to eat.

"Aye, I know." Graham started cutting into his food as well, not even paying attention to anything on his plate, just the beautiful woman across from him.

 

-fin-

go on to the next part