The Memoirs

Whitney really had this problem with getting places on time. Not that he was late, no.

He was early. Like, fifteen minutes early. It had started with his first date with Chloe, when he'd gotten to her house early, and it seemed to have been a steady thing.

Nor was it a bad thing, really, when one considered that Clark usually ran fifteen minutes late, and he had superpowers to boot. He sighed, unable to deny that he felt... really, really good. Chloe was wearing his mother's necklace, which really made him smile, and she was dressed beautifully, to kill. He, Chloe, Clark, Lex, Shayla, and Pete were going to have dinner tonight.

Thank God Lex had made reservations for their party. The table they were sitting at was large enough to seat ten comfortably, and there was only going to be six of them. Water glasses sat at every place, and he watched the beads of evaporation roll down the side of his as he grinned at Chloe. "Sorry, baby, I think we're a little early."

"I don't mind." Chloe smiled, gently, and carefully played with one earring. The restaurant, classy and lovely, had lit candles all over the place, the tables themselves gleaming quietly. The waiters and waitresses were quick and observant of what they were doing, and Chloe just loved this place.

Of course, the last time she'd come here with Whitney she hadn't been almost five months pregnant, and it was with that thought that she reached across the table for his hand. "It seems like the last time we were here was a lifetime ago, doesn't it?"

He gave a grin. "Yeah, it kind of does. But on the other hand? Feels kind of like it was just yesterday." His fingers slid easily through hers, and he ran his thumb over the simple diamond on her hand.

Very soft, very light blush that stole over her cheeks, and she smiled at him with an adoration that was almost luminating from her face. They were finally back on even ground, after three months of turmoil, and she smiled at him, just... beamed. "That's cause it was just yesterday. Or well..." A grin. "Nine months ago."

"Same difference," he said with the same, radiant grin. "It doesn't seem that long ago at all." He squeezed her fingers carefully, then kissed the back of her hand. "I still recommend the garlic chicken parmesan."

She smiled and looked down, quietly, shyly, and giggled softly. "I don't know about that, Fordman. If you're going to be sleeping in my bed tonight, we can't have you smelling like a vampire hunter, now can we?"

"I can brush my teeth before I get in bed with you," he teased. "Minty fresh kisses."

"Yeah right." A little snicker. "The garlic stays. Not that I mind." Her eyelashes fluttered, and she carefully rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb.

"Maybe we'll actually get to eat this dinner?" he asked with a little laugh, and he beamed at her.

"Are you kidding? We're eating with our friends." She lowered her voice, quietly. "And remember, don't say a word to Pete and Shay. They don't know I told you what happened, alright?" Chloe winced. Yeah. She knew the whole, ugly, story. She felt guilty as sin over it, but she couldn't have helped it anyhow, and she just... winced.

"Not a word." He mimed throwing a key to his lips away. "I'm the soul of discretion."

"Yeah, right." A snort herself, but she smiled at him, and squeezed his fingers gently in her own. "I love you, Whitney."

"I love you too, Chloe." He scooted his chair over just a little bit more, so they were almost shoulder to shoulder. "You know... I'm beginning to think no one else is going to show." He picked up one of the breadsticks on the table, dipped it in the butter, and held it out to Chloe as he nibbled on the other end of it. "Breadstick?"

She shook her head gently, and leaned over, to press a kiss to his cheek, freshly shaved and smooth. "I love you, Whitney." She repeated, quietly, and squeezed his fingers tightly in hers. She was about to speak again, had her mouth halfway open to do so, when she saw Clark and Lex enter.

"Uht oh."

Clark had dressed, carefully, in pressed slacks and a nice dress shirt he had. One of the few things left in his closet, anyway. He wasn't even looking at his lover, just glaring his way every time they had to look at one another, and he rose a hand at Whitney and Chloe as they walked in.

Whitney followed the line of sight and the uht oh, and blinked. "Crap," he said softly, raising his hand back to wave his greeting to Clark.

Lex was doing his perfect imitation of his father. Glacial smile in place, dressed to the nines for the occasion, tie tied crisply, suit pleat-straight and neat as a pin, sharp creases and a shine on his shoes so bright he could see his own reflection. His cell phone was in his pocket, and made barely a bulge as Lex unbuttoned the coat to take a silent seat at the table.

Another ugly glare at his lover, as he plopped into the seat in front of Whitney. He pushed his chair in, ignoring his lover beside him as he sprawled comfortable. "Hey, guys."

"Hey." Chloe let her throat bob. They looked like night and day... Lex so clean and crisp he could be a piece of paper... Clark slightly above his usual grunge, but still slightly wrinkled and slightly askew. And they never, never looked like this anymore... Lex never let Clark leave the house without looking much better than this, and Clark never let Lex leave the house like he was going to see the president of the united states. And yet. "How are you tonight?"

"Quite well, thank you." The smile didn't falter. "It's a pleasure to see that the two of you seem to have ironed out your difficulties."

Whitney leaned unobtrusively over to his girlfriend. "Is it just me, or did you cut yourself on what he just said?"

"Just like a butter knife." Chloe answered, and looked from Clarks stonily silent expression, to Lex's slapped on one. "What's going on guys?"

"Nothing at all," Lex said pleasantly, crossing his legs beneath the table as he took a delicate sip from his water glass, raising his napkin to catch the water drips so they didn't stain the clean lines of his slacks.

"Right. Because Clark's expression looks like he sucked on a lemon, and then crammed it up your ass, but you're too much of a gentlemen to say anything about it." An eye roll. "Give me a break. What did you guys fight about this time?"

Clark just glared at his napkin.

Lex kept his composure perfectly calm, and kept his water glass carefully insulated as he took another sip from it. "We didn't have a fight, merely a discussion."

Whitney flinched. "Man, I so wouldn't want to be that napkin," he said softly.

"About abortion? The lack of union between church and state? The war? What exactly did you fight about?" She sideglanced her lover, and looked at the napkin currently being stared into submission, and winced herself.

Lex didn't answer, just took another sip of water, and then when the waiter approached, put the water glass down and asked for a glass of Cabernet wine.

Chloe, if it was possible, rolled her eyes all the harder for it, and heaved a quiet sigh. "Fine. Don't talk to me." She looked up at the waitress and ordered an iced tea herself, and then went back to glaring at Lex.

Lex's smile didn't falter as he directed it across the table to Chloe and Whitney, nor did it falter at the waitress who brought their drinks, nor did it fall when Steven and his girlfriend showed up.

Definitely wasn't hard to feel the bad vibes coming from the table, and Steve's mood went right with it. His girlfriend, beautiful as a porcelain doll in the jade-green top that brought out her eyes, was rubbing his ass the royal wrong way, because every word out of her mouth had been bitching and moaning about her stepbrother. "Clark, man, 'sup?"

Whitney bristled as Steve came over to the table, and he glared hard, fingers tightening on the tabletop as his knuckles whitened. "What're you doin' here, man?"

Clark's glare dissipated, the smallest bit, as he looked up. "Hey, Steven." His glance moved to his ashimel, quietly, not speaking for a moment as he spoke with his thoughts, and in a moment, shared with Whitney the happenings of the afternoon with flashes of memory.

Yeah, well, Farrah was plenty pissed. She'd even go so far as to say she was ready to dump Steve. Sure, she looked like a million dollars, but she had people to impress here, and she glared at her boyfriend for a moment before shifting her eyes to Whitney, and offering her hand. "Hi, Whitney. Don't mind my boyfriend, he's an idiot. Chloe, girl, why do we socialize with men, at all?" A haughty little sniffle at Steve, a toss of her glossy black hair, and she glared at her boyfriend and crossed her arms again."

Chloe's eyes brightened quietly, as she smiled at her friend. Farrah, with her olive skin and beautiful almond eyes, was a step out of their social circle, but Chloe felt close to her anyhow right in this moment. "Don't know. I told you we should have gone lesbian." A grin at her and she shifted, so she'd come sit over with her. "How are you?"

Great. Just... great. Pete had arrived, alone, to find STEVE at their table. Fabulous. Who's bright idea that had been should be shot, and he walked over to them, clearing his throat. "Hey, sorry I'm late."

Whitney was more than a little surprised to receive flashes of imagery from Clark, not because he was getting it but because of what had happened, and what Steve had ended up doing. "Hey, man. What's up?" Too many little bad feelings to be friends again, right off the bat.

"Nothing much, just same stuff, different day." He took the seat beside Clark, which meant he was sitting across from Whitney, so they could talk. "Didn't mean to lose touch with you, man. I was real sorry to hear about your Mom--she was great." Rolled his eyes at the comment from his girlfriend and watched her flounce off to sit beside Chloe. "Christ."

Lex had finished his first glass of wine and was signaling for his second as the waiter came and took the drink orders of the newest arrivals.

Shayla came in a few minutes later, dressed in shockingly pastel colors and ivory heels, with her blond hair pulled back and most of her jewelry gone, except for her earrings and bracelet. She sat down quietly beside Lex, scooting her chair over just a little so that she was sitting beside Chloe and Farrah. "Hey, Farrah. Didn't know you were gonna be here."

Whitney blinked. Everybody was here now, plus two extra, and he was looking over the rest of the table. Steve was not in a good mood, and neither was Fair. Clark and Lex? They'd already covered that. Pete and Shay had arrived separately, so apparently they were still on the outs with each other over what had happened.

Great.

He leaned over to Chloe again, and whispered in his ear. "You get the distinct impression that we're the only happy people here? I swear this is my fault. I get happy, and everyone else gets pissy." He bit her ear lightly to show he was joking.

Chloe listened to him for a moment, then jolted and grinned at the bite. Her own fingers slid under the table to give his thigh a tender squeeze, and looped her fingers through his. "How are you doing, Steve?"

Pete pointedly ignored Shayla. Deliberately as hell, as he plunked down on the chair beside Whitney, and didn't say a word. He was angry, hurt, and a log of guilt was lodged tight in his throat.

Clark went back to glaring at his napkin.

Farrah tossed her hair again, making sure it was off her shoulders, and smiled at Shayla gracefully. "Didn't know I was going to be here, either. Steve is being such an asshole. I mean, Ted is the king bitch of them all, but there's no reason for Steven not to understand that Ted is a bitch, and not jump down his throat about it." A long breath, then a little laugh when she noticed the girls staring at her. "Sorry, long story short, Ted was being himself."

"Explains everything." Chloe answered, and squeezed her hand. "I dunno how you're siblings. You're so much cooler than him."

"Don't I know it." She motioned a shoulder. "What's up over there with tall dark and handsome?" Her eyes flickered over to Clark. "He is just way too cute to be moping like that."

Shayla gave a little giggle. "Isn't he? But moping? I swear, is when he's the cutest. That little lower lip pokes out just a little bit, and he's just adorable." She gave a little titter. "Well, yeah, we all know that Ted's a bastard, but, what did he do this time and how did Steve get fed up with it?"

Whitney slid his fingers under the table and squeezed Chloe's hand in return, then turned back around to look at Clark, who was two steps away from shredding his napkin, and Steven, who looked uncomfortable, then down to Pete, who was just silent. And he sighed. "Clark? You wanna tell us how you hooked up with Steve tonight?" he asked softly. Anything to get him into the flow of normal conversation.

Steve gave a little shrug. "Ted was doing his normal bitch-asshole routine in the Talon when Clark was working, and I got fed up with it and told him to blow cause of the article Clark wrote."

"Article?" Whitney asked, totally out of the loop. He hadn't gotten a copy of the paper yet, cause he'd skipped today.

When the article was mentioned, even though Lex remained politely silent and distant, he couldn't stop the swell of pride. Something his mate had written was powerful enough to sway people's minds. He was proud of Clark, proud of that, and he buried it in another sip from his wineglass as he smoothed down the front of his suit.

"it wasn't that great." Clark muttered, still glaring at his napkin. Not a touch of emotion from his aushna', and he turned the glare on him, before looking back down.

"Not that great?" Farrah blinked at him. "Kent, that was primo-A, kick ass writing you did. You had Mr. Lagora in third period weeping. What are you talking about, not great? You're on your way up, sweetie, and it really opened everyone's eyes to what you and Lex go through everyday." She used his name easily, because that's what it was these days. Clark and Lex. Not Clark and Mr. Luthor.

"Basically..." Pete spoke up, now. "A day in the life. It was great." That was all he said though, and he went back to staring at anything but them.

Not even those wonderful words could make him blush, and his shoulder shrugged. "Ted was giving me lip, about Wally taking me to get some stuff done. So I told him to shove it up his ass, and I'd hunt him down if he made another derogatory remark about me or Lex." Down the table, "Sorry, Farrah."

"Are you joking? That's magnificent."

Whitney had to laugh at that. "God, it's about fucking time someone did." He cleared his throat. "I mean, he's had that coming for a while now." He grinned down the table. "I didn't permanently damage him, Fair. Just bruised him up a little."

Another swelling of pride for his aushna's accomplishment, and he pushed it back down again as Clark glared at him. Didn't join in the conversation either, because he didn't trust himself not to say something typically Luthoresque and offend.

Shayla paused in the conversation. "Yeah, it was great. I mean... I knew him, and I didn't know all that stuff. Makes me feel closer to Morgan, too, cause of him and Lex's father." She reached under the table with her foot, and gave Lex a very hard, very swift kick.

Which he ignored.

Even Steven nodded. "Yeah, I sent Jimmy over to the website to read it, and he printed it out. Said that you nailed it on the head, Clark."

Clark shrugged, again. "I wrote it last night." A side glance at his lover, and some of the venom was gone, now. "While Lex was asleep. He let me use his laptop... it wasn't too hard to get it out. I mean... my life isn't so different than anyone else's."

"Sure. Cause we all live in mansions." Farrah smiled at him though, and reached over to squeeze his hand. "It was a great article, Clark."

In a deep, heavy part of Chloe's heart, she was jealous sick. Clark was getting all of this attention, and no matter what she'd done, three years of running the torch, she hadn't once been praised. And this was Clark's, what? Third edition? And he was getting praised like he was the Dalai Lama?

She didn't say anything, because she was happy for her friend, but at the same time... inexplicably sad.

Lex gave a little shrug as Clark's eyes landed on him, and he was proud that he didn't let his façade crack. "Of course it was a great article; Clark wrote it. Did you all expect anything less?" Unspoken was the implication. Do you think I'd choose anyone other than the best as my mate?

Whitney sensed it, knew something wasn't right with his girlfriend, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what it was. He leaned over, put his arm around her waist, and squeezed gently. "I think your issues were great too, you know," he said softly. "This'll pass."

Shayla glared around the table, at everyone who was being a jackass, skipping over Pete because, yeah, issues like a newsstand.

Clark didn't say anything for a moment, and everyone fell silent. But then... well, he had to open his big mouth. "Is that why you feel the need to buy me a watch, wallet, car... why you had to call Aden and Rico in to change my hair and change my clothes? Because I'm not the best without those things?"

Farrah's eyes widened. She didn't know what was going on, but she had a fairly big clue, and she winced.

Chloe hugged Whitney back, tightly, but fell silent when Clark spoke, and wished to god he hadn't.

Lex just blinked calmly, and didn't say a word. Too practiced at public displays to be embarrassed, the smile didn't slip. "I don't think in public, in front of your friends, is the place you want to air this, Clark," he said, just this side of condescendingly.

Clark's teeth grit, tightly, and he looked back down, glaring at his napkin.

Pete just winced. Quietly. "Well… hey, listen. If you guys are gonna be all, hey, lets not fight in public, I'd like to take this time to say I'm sorry, to my girlfriend." He looked up at her, finally, over the drinks the waitress was setting down. "Cause... I am. Really sorry. I mean, what she did was dumb, but it wasn't like, totally off the wall, and I blew up when I shouldn't have. So... I'm sorry, Shay, for being an ass about things."

Oh, so he was going to call her dumb, in front of all their friends, in public, and think he was going to back her into accepting the apology? Hell no. "Pete... I think Lex is right, this isn't the time to discuss things like that."

What did he DO?! He'd APOLOGIZED! What else did she WANT?! He gaped at her, for a long moment, and heaved a thick, quiet sigh. "I think maybe I should go."

"Me too." Clark added, and pushed back his chair, sitting his napkin on the table.

"Guys… don't go." Chloe sat up, reaching a hand out to Clark. "Come on, honey. Sit down… you too, Pete. Let's just try and have a civilized meal, shall we?"

"Not civilized with my gut crushing boyfriend." Farrah muttered, and stuck her tongue out at Steve.

"I think we were doing quite well at civilized," Lex said calmly. "Before the outbursts." Couldn't help the pointed jab. Would regret it later. He called for a third glass of wine, and then when his telephone rang, excused himself for a moment to answer it.

Steve stuck his tongue back out at Farrah from his end of the table, and rolled his eyes. "Witch," he mumbled.

"Prat." Farrah shot back.

Clark didn't dare watch his lover go, but heaved an angry breath when he walked over to the bathrooms, and growled in the back of his throat to Whitney. "Dinner was a bad idea. I'm going to kill my boyfriend, and possibly Shayla, too. If I'm feeling generous, you and Steve can help me."

Chloe just rolled her eyes at Clark, and then gave those rolled eyes at Shay. "You need to talk to him, Shay. Not right now of course."

"Harpy," was Steve's insult.

Whitney really did try and bury the chuckle, but a little of it slipped out. "You got it. I'll help you dig holes to hide the bodies in. You can bury 'em under my old house, man. I'm sellin' the place, nobody'll ever think to look under the foundations."

Shayla snorted. "He's going to call me dumb, in public, in front of all my friends like that? Hell no."

Pete looked across at her, quietly. "You were dumb. I told you I'm sorry... what else do you want?"

Clark was glowering, darkly. "I love him, but he basically made me feel like I'm not good enough, and that he'd pay to make me look good. Stupid fucker. I look fine!"

Farrah winced. She didn't bother to respond to her boyfriend, but looked at Clark, for a moment. Did she dare tell him that he looked fifteen times better than he ever had? ...Yep. "Clark? Not to... I know, rub salt in the wound here, but honey, the last couple of months... you've looked really nice. Always clean cut and dressed sharply, even if it was just jeans. I think... Lex... maybe he knows what he's talking about?"

Chloe was just wincing all around, and hid her face in her boyfriends arm.

Shayla just glared. "What I want? How about for starters, you not calling me dumb in front of all my friends. Cause you know? That's a real ego-booster right there, Pete. I mean, really. Oh, Shay, you're so fucking stupid, but I give you the benefit of being your boyfriend anyway, is exactly what you're saying, and just... hell no. I don't give a damn if you think I am dumb, because you know what? Maybe I am. Maybe I am the stupidest fucker to ever walk on the face of the earth, but I don't need my boyfriend backin' that up."

Whitney just cringed, and put his cheek down on top of Chloe's head. "If we crawl under the table, do you think the explosion will miss us?"

Chloe shook her head, and grasped her lovers arm, peaking over his shoulder at Pete as he blanched.

"I didn't mean it like that." Was all Pete said, softly. There was a knot in his stomach like a boulder, and it leapt up and tried to claw into his throat as he looked at her furious face. "Just what you did was dumb. I never called you fucking stupid, and you should know better than to think Id ever think that of you."

"Well? When you call me dumb in front of a bunch of people? What the hell else am I supposed to think?" she shot back.

She should have known he couldn't handle rejection when she was fucking him. She should have known it, but she didn't, and he couldn't help the way he felt. He didn't want special accommodations from anyone, especially not her. It just backed it all up. Sex like that was wrong, and nothing good could ever come from it. A horror clutched his chest, and he swallowed, tightly, around it. "I'm sorry, Shay."

"Yeah, I know you're sorry, Pete." Shayla didn't say anything else, just sat back in her chair. Didn't push, didn't ask sorry for what? For walking out on me or for calling me dumb? Just let it go.

Lex was tucking his phone away as he came back, and smoothed down his tie and flicked the crease of his slacks to make sure it was crisp as he sat back down. "I'm sorry for the interruption, please, forgive me." He settled comfortably back in the chair, and picked up his napkin to drape it neatly over his lap with not a single motion wasted. "Clark, that was Mr. West. Your passport will be ready on Thursday morning and delivered at 10 AM." A brief pause, so much so that was almost unnoticeable. "Unless you'd rather make your own way there."

Whit cringed, sitting there to the side, and he looked over at Chloe. "He really shouldn't have said that.

Clark's eyes darkened, and the slight levity he'd had dissipated along with his mood. He glared, darkly, at Lex with almost a feral snap to him, and shot back, in the same sickeningly sweet way, "Whatever's most convenient for you. You are the one with more money, are you not? I'm not sure I even have enough for gasoline."

Pete felt quietly sick, and he looked down at the menu open in front of him, almost silently.

"It's your choice, Clark," and it was one step away from Mr. Kent. "I wouldn't want to stand in your way, after all."

Whitney looked over at Chloe. "Should we... you know, try and stop this?"

Clark, if he was stung, didn't let it show. He fell silent, flashing what he felt at him, and didn't speak.

Chloe's eyes, wide in her head, were barely blinking. "No, but I'm thinking we take Farrah and Steve and make a run for it."

Farrah, her eyes wide, nodded. Even she knew this was all weird, and people were pissed off at one another, and she made eye contact with her asshole boyfriend over Whitney's shoulder.

"Yeah, making a run for it sounds really, really good, right at the moment." He flicked a look towards Shay, and then Pete. "Are they coming too?"

Steve nodded over Whitney's shoulder. Yeah, he was all for getting out of the combat zone, because this was promising to get ugly fast.

"Hell no. They're part of the problem." Her lover knew full well, and she winced, quietly, skirting her glance at Shay, to find her glaring at Pete still. "I don't want to be here when Clark and Lex blow up. They're being too nice."

Nice indeed. Polite as anything, carefully moving around one another without so much as a word, and Clark was furious.

Whatever Lex was feeling, he was hiding it very well. This is what he'd been trained all of his life to do, in fact, and he was proud of himself for being able to do it. "I'm sorry that this evening's dinner didn't turn out quite according to plan. Perhaps we can try another night, one that may be better for all of us?"

Chloe nodded, quickly, and set her napkin on the empty table. "Yeah. Cause you guys are ready to go Hiroshima on us, and I don't want to be here when it happens."

"No, we're not, Chloe. We can be civilized gentlemen for the evening. Or, at least, I can be." Clark answered demurely, and set his own menu down on the tabletop. "Though I thank you guys for coming."

Pete didn't even look up. He was waiting for the bomb to explode.

"I thought we were doing quite well at reigning our respective tempers in," Lex said with a quiet arch of his brow. "However, if you're feeling uncomfortable in this atmosphere, then I'm certainly understanding of your desire to depart."

"'Desire to depart'? What are you, fourteenth century British?"

"Kaboom." Chloe muttered.

"I'm sorry, have I escalated my vocabulary past your level of understanding? I do apologize."

"No, I just think you sound like a dumbass when you're trying to be cordial, Lex." Ever so politely responded.

"Not an uncommon epithet hurled from the less intelligent echelon."

"Now you sound like a dumbass, Webster." Clark muttered.

"And you're sounding bitter," Lex replied, just as calmly. "Shall I translate for you? It's not unheard of for a smart man to be called stupid by someone he's more intelligent than."

That hurt. Badly. But he didn't give Lex the satisfaction of seeing him hurt. "You may have intelligence, but you're a stupid fuck. Someone should have taught you by now never to intimidate or hurt the people you love by flaunting everything you know in their faces."

Chloe let out a very low whistle, grabbed her purse, her boyfriend, and pushed her chair back inch by inch, so they could sneak out.

Lex just raised an eyebrow. "I can't help that makes you feel inferior, Clark. I'm just trying to help you make your own way." No little amount of sarcasm there, and he ignored Chloe, Whitney, and everyone else moving. He was angry, he was hurt, and he was hiding every bit of it.

"I wonder," He said, very quietly, very calmly, "If this is the way you felt, when your father made you feel stupid for trying to do things your way."

A very hard swallow as that remark hit home, but that was the only outward show that he made. "I'd like to think that it made me the man I am today," Lex answered, as calmly as he could. "Both my father's refusal to let me have my own way and teaching me how to deal with it."

It was on the tip of Clark's tongue to answer yeah, what a prize, but Lex was a prize, and even as angry as he was, he couldn't hurt his aushna' with words in such a way. He hid it, deep and dark, making sure his lover couldn't see what he'd thought, and spoke carefully. "And look at how you both hate each other."

"Yes, we do. But in the end, he's made me a stronger man for it." He pushed his chair back from the table, and got up. "I think Chloe has the right idea. If you'll excuse me." He gave the entire table a half bow, threw a platinum credit card down on the table, and headed for the door.

Clark took it, and rose too, snarling as he went after his lover. He walked, carefully through the tables full of people, and spilled out onto the street, a few feet behind his lover. "This, THIS is your answer to everything!" He cried, and threw the credit card at his lover's back. "Money. New clothes, fancy cars. Its money. They're things. Worthless things. Why, why can't you see what I'm feeling?"

Lex felt the credit card hit his back, but he didn't stop walking. Didn't bother getting in his car, just took the keys out of his pocket, set them on the roof of the car, and kept walking, ignoring Clark's yelled questions at him as he fought, tooth and nail with himself to keep the anger, hurt and pain leashed inside and tucked deeply away.

Clark just kept following him, sheer stubbornness keeping his stride strong and true, pushing through the staring people and to the quieter part of the street. "Why won't you even talk to me? Talk to me, goddammit!"

Lex kept walking. Didn't turn back to look at Clark, even when he started talking to him. "The very first day we got together, Clark, you came to my house. You asked me if I had ever had sex with a man. You were afraid to ask me that, because it was a personal question, and you didn't want to offend me. In answer to that, I told you that probably knew more personal information about me than anyone else did. And for a while, I wondered if that was a mistake. If Lionel had been wrong, that it was okay to talk to people because they wouldn't store everything you said to use against them. And then, tonight, I realized that my father was right. I never should have let you in as far as I did, Clark. I never should have, because if I hadn't, you wouldn't have had anything to throw back in my face."

The words startled, and Clark's huge, deep eyes fogged and glassed over. "It was a mistake to love me, Lex? is that what you're saying?"

"No, Clark. I'm saying it was a mistake to let you know me. It was a mistake to let you know who I am, what I think, what I felt. It was a mistake to ever tell you anything, because I had deluded myself into thinking that I might have been enough for you. That you'd accept me, flaws and all, and that would be enough for you. Instead, you ask me to change who I am, change the way I solve problems, change the way I treat people, change the way I relate to people, and then throw some of the most hurtful experiences of my life back into my face just to see if they hurt. Congratulations, Clark, they hurt."

He stopped, and snarled. Couldn't help that. "Because we had an argument, that's what you think? I can't, and won't, say I'm sorry for feeling like you want to change me, Lex. I'm not Dominic, with your dad, I won't apologize just to apologize. If you think it was a mistake for us to be together, you just cheapened everything we've had. What Mar worthless, Lex? Was it worthless for him to come to us? Because you just dishonored my name, and that of my people, just as you dishonored yourself." Furious glare at the back of his head. "I accept every part of you. How else wouldn't I? Would you think so little of me? I defended you to Whitney after the accident, to Chloe. I made them understand. Was that a mistake, as well? Was the name of aushna' a mistake to ever have?"

"I never said I thought it was a mistake for us to be together, Clark. The only mistake that there was was mine. My mistake, letting you inside of me, my mistake, telling you how I felt, how my father made me feel, whining like a child instead of being a man. You think I want to change you, Clark? No. I'll tell you the same fucking thing I've been telling you all along. You have changed. You've said it yourself, on the way home from the office. You're not the innocent kid you were. You're an adult now, you're grown, blah fucking blah." Deep breath. "I was trying to help you grow, Clark. I thought that you might like to have some new clothes. Clothes that fit the adult that you are, not the kid you used to me. Christ forbid I try and help you, though. You're fucking superman. You can do anything and everything. So, do it."

"I do need you." Clark answered back, though his shoulders were thrown back, his head held high. "I need you to understand who I am, and to love me. That's it. I don't need clothes, I don't need money, I don't need a car or a fancy watch of a wallet that costs more than my education. I just need you, and nothing you could buy would make me love you more." He glared, darkly. "You let me inside because I asked you to show me, and that's something I treasure in my heart." He just... Clark just rubbed his face. "I'm going home."

"You're right; I did let you in because you asked. And I can't help wondering now if I did the right thing or not. Not because it doesn't feel right, because it does, but because what I trusted you with, you just used against me." A deep sigh of his own. "Take the car; I don't want it left in town."

"I didn't use anything against you." Clark snarled it, all over. "What do you take me for? I told you the truth. You made me feel belittled, embarrassed, and a fucking stupid farm kid back there, Lex. I hope you got your rocks off on that, really, I hope it was of great fun to you."

"No, Clark, I didn't. I didn't get my rocks off, as you so delicately put it, at all. I merely defended myself."

"No, you didn't. You used what I've told you, about my insecurities, and used them there in front of everyone."

"Like you trotted out my problems with my father in front of everyone? Decided to air our disagreement in public instead of waiting until we were back home like a civilized man?"

"Only after you made me feel like a brainless twit!" Clark cried. He couldn't believe they were talking about this on the street, but he really didn't give a flying fuck. "You don't even trust me, you don't trust me to take care of you. You'd have rather lived in solitude."

"You're the one who poked fun at my education, Clark!" He still hadn't turned around to face his lover, and had no intention of doing so. "You're the one who thought it would be so amusing to make fun of me when I was trying to be calm and civil and not lose control of myself and possibly hurt the people I care about again."

"Because you weren't showing any emotion! None, at all!"

At that, Lex did stop and whirl on his lover. "And when have you ever known me, Lex Luthor, to make a public scene, Clark?"

"Since you met ME!" He motioned at the street. "Since you stopped being a Luthor and just were you."

"I never stopped being a Luthor!" he shouted back, and then took a deep, calming breath.

"Yes. Yes, you did." Clark looked at him for a long, long moment, and the fight deflated out of him, quietly, like a popped balloon. "Yes. You did. But the man back there in the restaurant, cold, aloof, that's the Lex Luthor from before. Are you that again, Lex?"

"No, I didn't." Lex sighed. "I never stopped being a Luthor, Clark. It's too much a part of who I am. The money? That's the Luthor in me. The extensive DVD collection? That's the Luthor. The stereo, the entertainment center, the video game consoles, the imported cars, that's Luthor stuff too. That's what you don't get. Lex, me, Kenep, whatever you want to call me, I am me, but I am a Luthor too. And that's something you have to accept."

Whatever you want to call me. Clark just... closed his eyes. "But I do accept you, Lex. Its you who don't accept me. My flannel? That's me. My job, my ripped jeans, my boots? That's me. But the man you were trying to make, with slacks and leather and suede… that's not me. Do you understand? That's not who I am. I don't try and put you into a cookie cutter mold, do I? I don't try and make you wear jeans, or grubby t-shirts, or eat waffles topped with chocolate icing. I don't do those things, don't try and make you, because its not you."

"I remember a version of you who had something different to say about that," Lex reminded softly. "He hated this town, hated most of the people in it, and hated being treated like a kid. He had tattoos, and leather jeans and a white shirt. I'm not saying I want you to go back to that, because I don't. It frankly scares me. However, I know that you're bullshitting me, and quite possibly yourself. You don't like your flannel and your ripped jeans. They're safe, for you. They're normal. They're what people expect of you, and it's something you can hide behind."

Because it was too close to the truth, Clark snarled. "I'm going home. Alright? you stay out here and stew. Have a great time."

"Take my car," Lex repeated. "I don't want it left in town. I'll have one of the drivers pick me up from the office building tomorrow evening. Your boxes are still stacked in the bedroom; pack what you want to take, and I'll see that the pilot will have it on the plane for you."

"I'm not taking anything. If you don't want to sleep in bed with me, that's your own fucking business, but that's not my car, and I'm not taking it anywhere. In fact? I'm not packing anything, either. I'm not going to spend all weekend with you feeling like this. I've had enough of feeling bad, and I don't need to feel bad abroad."

"Nobody said you were going to be spending it with me, Clark," Lex answered softly. "You're going. I'm going to stay behind and make sure things are ready for the plant to re-open next Friday."

"Bullshit. You just don't want anything to do with me right now, do you?" If his voice cracked, it was only a little. "Like I said... do whatever you need to do."

Lex stopped walking, and turned around again. "If I didn't want anything to do with you, Clark, I wouldn't send you home. I wouldn't tell you my plans, so you wouldn't wonder where I was, or what I was doing. If I didn't want anything to do with you, I wouldn't tell you that you were taking your trip. If I didn't want anything to do with you, I would have told you to fuck off and die."

"Its on the tip of your tongue, isn't it?" He snarled right back. "Just tell me to fuck off. Isn't it? You still don't understand anything. You'd rather stay at the office than be with me. What the fuck is that supposed to tell me?"

"No, it's not on the tip of my tongue." Lex's voice was quiet, and defeated. "Yes, at the moment, I need to be at the office. I need to be somewhere that is not ours, because I desperately, desperately need to get a hold of myself again. I desperately need to be somewhere that I can look, and not see you, because if I see you now, then I will never be able to put myself back together again. Do you understand that, Clark?"

Yes. He did. He understood perfectly, and how own shoulders slumped. "Alright, Lex." Was all he said, quietly. "Alright." He turned, and started down the street, to a more deserted area so he could run.

"No, you don't understand," Lex said. "Have you ever felt like you're about to shatter, Clark? Into a hundred fragmented pieces, and every one of them so jagged and sharp that they'd slice you in a heartbeat if you touched them? I don't know if you have or not. But that's how I feel, right now. And you... you're right in the middle of it, and if I break, you are going to get hurt."

"Yes, I have felt that way. After my son died, Lex." He couldn't talk to him right now, and he kept right on walking.

"Then please. Understand that if you ever want me to be the man I used to be for you, I've got to find a way to stop this feeling. I've got to find a way to hold it all together. Please."

"That's just it, Lex." He whirled. "That's just it. Even now, of months of being aushna', you still don't get it. I am yours, you are mine, we're interconnected. What you feel, I feel, what I feel, you feel. I know just what's going on in your head right now, but you still won't trust me with it. But, if I'm smothering you, its best you do it alone."

"I don't want you to feel it!" Lex sighed. "I don't want you to feel it. I don't want you to know that I'm so fucked in the head. I don't want you to know and feel and help, because I'm the one who is supposed to be strong for you."

Clark was sure running into a brick wall was easier than his lover.

Had to be.

"Lex. Okay. Let me explain this to you, just one last time. Okay? Just once. And then I swear, I won't do it again." A heavily exhaled breath through his nostrils. "I. Am here for you. You. Are here for me. This is not a one sided street, as weird as it may sound. You're there for me in my times of weakness, and you're supposed to let me be there for you in your time of weakness. Look into the blood, Lex."

"But that's the part you don't get," Lex answered back. "I don't want to be weak. I can't be weak."

"Why? Why can't you show weakness, in front of your chosen mate?" Clark couldn't stop staring at him. "Why?"

"Because when I am weak, you get hurt. It started back in the very beginning, when I first met you. I was happy, I wasn't always on guard, and the first thing that happens? The red Kryptonite. In order to subdue you? I nearly killed you with green Kryptonite. I was weak, I let myself have you without thinking of the cost? I got you--and you don't know how weird this sounds--I got you pregnant, Clark, and nearly lost you, killed our son. I was weak again, I didn't have the right controls up, the right guards on my mind, I nearly killed you again, I nearly killed Chloe, I fucked Whitney's head up, I screwed up Dad and Dom's heads too, just because Chloe and Whitney weren't enough of a fuck-up."

Clark took a step forward, and all he said was, "We all live in fear, of ourselves, of each other, of our emotions and how we deal with them. A true man fears, but doesn't let it conquer him. I know you're a true man, Lex. But you can't let fear stand in the way of you and me, or there isn't a you and me."

"I'm not afraid of us, Clark, I'm not afraid of you. The only thing I'm afraid of in this equation is what I do to you." He shook his head as he spoke, but he didn't move away when Clark stepped forward.

"But what you do to me I do to you back, threefold. I nearly killed you when I was on the effects of the red meteor rock... when I got pregnant? I begged you to make love to me, then didn't tell you when I felt ill. I fought with you, which is why you lost control of your powers. I live with that guilt, but I don't let it take over my life. You can't let yours do it."

"You didn't nearly kill me, Clark. You didn't. You claimed me. That's all. And you know I knew you weren't feeling well. And yet I didn't push it, because I was all laid-back and happy, weak because I wasn't on guard. I've learned, that's all."

"No, you haven't. You haven't learned at all." Alright. If Lex was going to be fucking stubborn about this, well then Clark was just going to have to take it into his own hands.

Or lips, as it were.

He took two steps forward and claimed his lovers mouth, tightly, for his own. He'd bitten his tongue, so a single drop of blood dripped from it, and he bit his lovers as well.

When the blood mixed, it was like an explosion in his mind. Everything he'd ever known, everything he felt in his blood for his people, he shared with his lover. Every single aspect of it, of aushna, strumming through his veins like wild fire and into Lex's heart.

Lex cried out softly when Clark bit his tongue, and then his body stiffened slightly as the influx of sensation poured into him. The new abilities that had been growing in his mind snapped into play, stretching taut and holding firmly, keeping his consciousness aware as it sorted the information pouring into his head.

Feelings, thoughts, more language than he could ever hope to speak, everything fleeted through his mind, even as he tried to grasp at it and make it congeal, it fled his conscious thoughts and settled into his subconscious, and he whimpered as the influx settled.

Clark let go, with one more hard kiss, and pulled back, blood smearing his lips, and his lovers as well. He panted, quietly, glaring again, and took a step back. "That's what our blood says. Use what God gave you and figure it out. Its not hard. Its everything we ever needed to know."

Every time Lex licked his lips and tasted the blood, there was a little tingle in his mouth and a flare in his subconscious, and he reached out to brace himself against Clark. He was fighting to remember which was his language and which wasn't, which to speak in and what not to say in public, and his fingers fisted in the warm shirt that stretched across his lover's chest.

Clark glared, but let his lover brace against him, his eyebrows knit and dark pride in his heart and face. "Read it. and know it. Know what we are, know that I'd never harm you. Know that I am here for you, to accept every part of you. Learn to trust me as your aushna'."

Lex's fingers tightened even more, and he pushed himself up straight. "Ka'me h'la." Then he shook his head. He knew that wasn't right. "I do trust you, Clark." There. That was the right way.

"Bullshit you do." He wiped the blood off his lip with the back of his hand. "Bull shit."

Lex shook his head again, trying to clear it as he gripped Clark's wrist. "I do trust you. Burdening you and trusting you are different things." He put his hand against the side of his head, and rubbed it.

"Burdening and trusting are the same." He answered back, quietly, though he didn't shake away. "You do neither. You'd rather stew in your own juices and dishonor me as your aushna."

"No... they're not the same. Ka'me. Trust. Not... not... this. Where you have to sit through every fucking crisis I have in technicolor." More rubbing to the side of his head, trying to squeeze the words out, push out the concepts so they made sense.

"This. Sharing, living our lives together." He pushed his lovers sleeve up, baring the mark Clark himself had put on his arm. "We are betrothed. Don't you understand that? We are united, and we will be united for the rest of our lives. But if you can't learn to tell me things now, then there will never be a future worth anything for us."

Lex hissed softly at the rough grate of cloth against the mark, and his hand dropped from his head, to rub his side and the now-scarred heart that Clark had burnt into his skin. "Sharing our lives, yes, but not... fuck." Lex dropped Clark's hand, and cradled his head. "I can't think. I can't push my problems, my feelings, onto you. It's not right. I have to be able to deal, to help you deal."

"To be my aushna'... my betrothed… my mate in this world, and the next...you have to let me deal. That's my life, Lex. I'm bound to you, and you to me... you're my everything. Let me be the same for you." Clark whispered softly, and cradled Lex's head as well.

"You already are my everything, Clark. That's why I have to be strong. You deserve someone strong, you need someone strong."

"You don't look into yourself." Clark said, very quietly. "You don't. When you do, when you finally understand, that will be the happiest day of my life."

"I do understand, I hear what you say. I do. I just can't let it be true. Clark, you don't know... I have to be the strong one. I have to take care of you. It's what I do, it's how I am, you have to let me do that."

"And me? What about me? I lost my infant son... I couldn't take care of him, and now you're telling me not to take care of you?" His eyes creased.

"No, I'm not. Just... aaaah." A spike of pain through Lex's head, and he sighed. "Just don't... worry about me. You know what I mean. Worry about me. Not about what's going on in my head."

Clark rose a brow. "Instead of ignoring your blood, try and understand it. Like, oh, now."

A glare to his lover, though it wasn't fierce. "What do you think I'm trying to do?"

The very first ghost of a smile flickered over his face, and slid away. "You're trying too hard."

Another glare, and he tightened his grip on Clark's forearms. "First you tell me to do it. Then you tell me I'm doing it too hard. Make up your fucking mind."

Clark glared back, quietly. "You'll understand, Lex." Was all he said, as he looked towards the side and the street. It was deserted mostly, with only the Talon and the restaurants attracting any people on this weekday night.

"If you say so." His hand stroked over Clark's forearms without realizing it. "I trust you."

"You don't trust me. You don't trust me to be your strength." Clark was furious, hurt, sad and angry, all at once. "You don't trust me to be here for you. But that's my fault, too." Quietly, as he let his eyes close. "You don't understand aushna', Lex. I know of no other way to make you understand."

"I want to be your strength," Lex explained softly. "I want you to be strong because of me, not in spite of me." He straightened entirely then, and looked at Clark.

"It's a two way street, Lex." Clark answered back, and let his hands fall as he shook his head. "It's a two way street between us. There can't be more for me than you, and there can't be more for you than me. Its got to be equal... that's what a partnership is." He just… he heaved a breath. "I'm going to go home for real, now. I'll see you whenever you decide to come home."

"Do you want to come to the office with me? I don't have a bed you can sleep on, but you can sleep on the little couch in the office, if you don't mind scrunching."

"Its a school night, Lex." Quietly. "I didn't sleep last night… I need to go to bed." Plus? He was still hell of a furious, and he wasn't going to accommodate Lex right now in any way, no matter how much Clark loved him. "I'll be at home, when you're ready to come."

He nodded. "I just thought you might not want to be alone. I'll see you... I'll try and see you in the morning, and if I'm not home in time, I'll bring you lunch."

"I don't want to be alone." Clark said, very softly, very carefully, but that's all he did say, as he took off running. He ran down between two buildings and disappeared as he took off, over the deserted parts of Old Smallville.

"Then--" But Clark took off before he could finish the sentence. "--why don't you come with me?" A little sigh, and he put his hands back in his coat pocket, walking off towards the boardwalk that would lead to LuthorCorp.

 

-fin-

go on to the next part