The Memoirs

From further into his house, Dominic heard the answering wail from Clark, and just yanked and pulled, heaving Lex into the house, pushing the door shut with his leg, and yanked him down the hall. Lex was shaking in his arms, from cold and fear and God knew what else, but he was pale and looked faint and Dominic had had enough of the theatrics. He yanked and tugged Lex down the hall, yanking another thick blanket from the side linen closet in the hall, and wrapped it around the fighting young man as he did it.

Clark was sobbing, hysterically, as he pushed away from Lionel and stumbled to the door of the bedroom. His lover, his aushna' was out there and he wailed, loudly, in agonized pain as he felt Lex close everything in, and he just sobbed all the harder for it. "Kenep, Kenep, rewn yujooa qutoikla." (Kenep, Kenep, please come to me)

Lex was fighting Dominic, tooth and nail as he was dragged into the house. He heard Clark wailing for him, and the torn parts of him wanted to run and go in equal measure, and he wasn't sure which he was fighting to do. He was afraid to go, because then Kal would scream at him again, but he couldn't not answer the call either, and he just scratched out of the blankets as he tore away from Dominic and ran down the little hall towards Clark.

Lionel winced at the wail, and wasn't surprised to hear the walls of the small cottage rumbling. It hadn't been built to withstand things like this, and he caught his balance on the headboard as he pulled himself to his feet and narrowed his eyes.

Dominic slammed against the side of the hall wall... saw stars for a moment, before blinking away the fuzziness and staring at Lex. He tore down the hall, and the scream from the doorway from Clark was inhuman, so much so that Dominic physically winced, cried out loudly, and slammed his hands on his ears.

Clark made the sound again, between horror, fear, sadness and ache, and wrapped his arms tightly around his running aushna' when he came to him. He was crying, heavily, Lex was freezing, but he didn't care. He just wrapped his arms around him and they went sprawling back on the ground, though the sounds didn't stop, as his nails dug into his lovers back and he held on, as tightly as he could, and wept.

Lex returned the tight embrace, his arms and legs tangling in Clark's limbs and squeezing hard as he could, one hand going to push Clark's face into his shoulder, so that the noises were muffled there as he squeezed, hugging hard and rocking, sobbing quietly as Clark cried. Didn't say anything, just rocked Clark and hugged him.

Lionel had had the same reaction to the inhuman noises as Dominic had, and his hands had covered his ears as he fell back on the bed, and he'd gone so far as to pick up a pillow and squeeze it over his head.

Clark's voice was loud, aching as he screamed his mating call, as he yelled it into his lovers shoulder and grasped him, tightly, unable to stop moving, trying to get closer as he wept, furiously. Lex had never said things like he had today to him, Clark had never said things back like he had, and the risk of losing his mate was so great that an enormous, thick lump had risen in his throat like a clamp, so tightly that his screams were becoming hoarse as he sobbed.

Dominic squeezed his eyes shut tightly and let out a hard cry at the screams coming from inside the bedroom. It was unbelievable, so loud, and he closed his eyes tighter as he sank down to the ground, knees up to his chest and holding him in close.

Lex swallowed hard and kept Clark's screams muffled into his shoulder, and even then it wasn't enough. He held tightly to Clark, squeezing and holding him, moving against him and getting as close as he could in answer to Clark's calls. "Kal, please, I am here," Lex said softly, throat tight and voice croaking as he spoke into Clark's ear. "Please, Kal, I am here."

"Yua'aui hauq guna, guna trenk toeka." (I can't lose you, can't fucking let go) Clark sobbed, heavily, the sounds still coming from him, though they were less and less, not as hard as he initially started them, and he just cried, heavily, into his lovers shoulders. "Yua'aui hauq u'Kenep, u'aushna'." (I can't lose my Kenep, my aushna'.)

"Yau'uai haq'i, u'aushna," Lex reassured softly. (You won't lose me, my aushna'.) "Sa'lumkana, me 'i' gresya." (Beloved, you are my soul.) He ran his fingers through Clark's hair, holding him tightly, letting him cry. "Mekin uot kilaysh ne-ne, ke'och y'ne-ne." (I give myself to you always, now and always.)

"You did not say, you did not believe me, you don't believe I love you, how sorry I am, so sorry, so sorry for treating you so badly." Clark rocked in his lovers arms, the entire world having gone and lost everything but he and his aushna'. "I love you so much, I am so sorry for everything I have done, I try to be good aushna' but I lose myself, I lose what we are because it is hard for me, so hard, so hard, I'm so sorry."

Lex just held Clark tightly against him. "I am afraid you don't love me because I am not a good aushna'," he whispered back. "But you won't lose me, unless you tell me to go, I won't ever leave you."

The screaming had stopped, thank Christ, and Dominic moved his hands, tentatively, from his ears. He pushed up out of the fetal position, making sure blood wasn't on his hands from his sore, ringing ears, and he stumbled down the hall, hanging onto the doorframe to look inside.

Clark and Lex, on the floor. Clark crying, heavily. Lex soothing, and weeping, but the both of them calming down. His lover, on the bed, and Dominic looked at him, helplessly.

Lionel just shook his head at his lover. "Go on, go back out to the other room. Leave them be; I'll come out as soon as they move and let me out." Lionel said it as softly as he could as he slowly, carefully removed the pillow from his head and blinked. His ears still rang slightly but he was okay, and he sighed as he looked at the boys crying on the floor.

Dominic nodded, quickly, and moved across the hall to his bedroom. He stumbled, still disoriented, and tugged off his jacket and boots, staying barefoot but for socks as he walked into the bathroom, closed the door behind him, and retched into the toilet.

Clark cried, heavily, for several long moments, until the tears were silent, then no more. He was shaking, trembling in his lovers arms, and he let himself be held just as much as Clark himself held his aushna' close. "My soulmate. My soulmate. I'm so sorry. I couldn't be any more sorry, I'm so sorry for everything, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Lex didn't hear anything but his lover, and he stroked over Clark's back and shoulders. "Aushna', no, please." Lex held him as close as he could. "Please, don't. I want you to be happy, please, aushna', tell me how I can make you happy."

Clark suddenly, quietly, realized where they were.

The floor was freezing under him, Lex was shaking and soaked, and Clark looked up, eyes wide, at Lionel. He rubbed his face clean and sat up... then stood up, tugging his aushna' after him tightly as shame lit through him like a fire, and he winced, softly. "Lionel, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I owe you and Dominic such an apology. For this we could have stayed in Smallville. I'm so sorry."

Lionel just shook his head and rose from the bed. "No, you don't owe us anything, Clark. Dominic and I would rather have you here, with us, than home alone. Understand that. We'll help you, as much as we can, but you need help, Clark, both of you, that I don't think either of us are qualified to give." He glared at Lex, but didn't say anything. "Come on. You're both going to be sick from cold if you don't move, and I need to check on Dominic." He held his hand out to Clark.

"I need help." Clark whispered back, softly, sadly, as he took Lionel's hand tightly in his own. "Lex needs help, too. Lionel, we're so lost." His voice was catching, hiccupping. "I don't want to lose my aushna' because of it. I need to talk to someone, I need someone."

"Yes, you do. You both do." Lionel grasped Clark's hand with both of his, cradling the large palm between them. "As soon as you get home, I want you to talk to your father. Find out what he thinks you should do, because he is the one who knows you, your needs, and your kind the best. He will know. Until then, Dominic and I will try our best to fill in for him."

Lex didn't say anything, just wrapped his arms around Clark's waist, and let his cheek rest against his aushna's back, squeezing tightly and holding closely.

"I can't do it alone anymore, Lionel." Clark's voice was shaking, again. "I can't do it alone anymore, I can't bear it anymore. I can't just walk on like I'm fine... I'm not fine. I'm not fine, Lionel. I can't do this anymore, I can't pretend anymore."

"You're not alone, aushna'," came Lex's weak voice. "You're not."

Lionel ignored his son. "You're not alone, Clark. You have your father, and you have Dominic and I. We will help you, if you let us."

Clark turned, then, and wrapped his arms around Lex's skinny shoulders, tugging him in close and hugging him, hard. "Can't take it anymore. Can't take this pain anymore. I can't take it, I can't take it." He whispered it, hoarsely, as he hugged his lover, hard, even as he looked at Lionel. "We need help. Need help, we both need help. Lionel, I'm too young to deal with this. I can't."

Lionel nodded. "You are too young, Clark." He squeezed Clark's shoulder tightly. "You're both too young, and have gone through too much." A deep sigh, and he moved his hand. "Go, listen to me. Put Lex in the shower, warm both of yourselves up, and then get in something dry. Then we'll all talk."

"Okay." Clark understood when he was being given an order, and understood the reasons for it, as he slid his arms around Lex and led him through the bedroom, and to the bathroom. It was warm in there, and dry, with waiting towels on the basin of the tub, and he started the water up without barely letting go of his lover.

Lex didn't let go either, just kept his arms wrapped around Clark's waist, holding tightly and almost afraid to say or do anything. He just held, tight as he could without hurting himself, and rubbed his cheek against the back of Clark's shoulder, and shivered again without realizing it.

Dominic heard his lover as he crossed the hall, and he flushed the toilet, and rose to his feet. He quickly, quickly as he could anyway, washed his face and rinsed out his mouth, trembling as he rubbed his face dry with a warm towel and slid his fingers through his hair. He swallowed, hard, and opened the door, stepping out as he rubbed his fingers on his jeans. "Are they alright?'

Lionel held out his hand to his lover as he dropped down onto the bed. "No. They're not all right. Not in any sense of the word. Clark is pleading for help that I'm not sure we can provide, Lex is only speaking to reassure Clark, and Clark seems to be at the end of his rope." He sighed. "Are you all right? Are you injured?"

Dominic sagged, softly, as he sat down beside his husband... then lay back, to rest for a moment, and stare at the ceiling. "Lex is at the end of his rope, as well, love. They need someone to talk to, before there's nothing left to talk about." He stopped for a moment. "I'm not hurt. I was just a little sick. The sadness coming from both of them is almost physical, you know?"

He nodded. "I know. I don't think either of them realize how badly off the other is." Quiet sigh. "It saddens me, to see them at each other's throats like this."

"It does me, as well." Dominic murmured, quietly, from his sprawl beside him. "I don't think that either of them realize this is all because of Mar, either. I don't think they realize that they're fighting like this because they never got to mourn properly."

Lionel turned onto his side to gaze at his lover. "Elaborate?" he asked softly. "I promised Clark that we'd all talk once they got out of the shower, and were dressed in dry, warm clothes."

"That'll take them a while." Dominic murmured, as he turned his own head to look at his husband. "I don't think that either of them got to mourn. They were so busy helping one another and everyone around them that they never dealt with the pain they felt themselves, and the loss they sustained to their personal hearts. I never once saw them truly sad for themselves, Lionel. I saw them upset and trying to help the other… and I think they're going to feel cheated out of that time until they understand why they feel that way, and sort through it."

Lionel nodded quietly. "I think perhaps you're right, though I'd never quite realized it before." He propped his head on his hand as he looked down. "Do you think they're strong enough to come through this?" he asked frankly.

"Beloved, I think Clark and Lex have a strength inside them that makes them formidable to the world." He looked up at his husband, then, and met his eyes with the same frank honesty. "I've told you this before, but between them, they're going to be amazing to this world. I can feel it, I can almost sense it. They are special beyond any miracle on this planet." He stopped, to gather his thoughts. "I also believe Mar was given to them, and taken away, because they need the strength that his loss gave them to go on. And I also think that we, you, myself and Clark's alien father, will be the guiding forces in their young lives, moreso than Cow Fucker and Martha."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Lionel's lips twitched. "You shouldn't call him names, Dominic. What if you slip up and call him that in public company?" A little sigh. "I hope you're right. I hope that my son realizes what he has, and sticks with it, rather than walking away as he has from every other hurtful thing in his life."

"I have called him that in public company." Dominic said, slyly, even as the little amusement slid away, and he was left gently touching the corner of his lovers lip. "I think Lex is worse off than Clark, in many ways, Lionel."

"How so? Because of how I raised him?"

"No." Dominic shook his head. "Not because of what happened before, but what happened after. Lionel... Lex wasn't prepared for this in any way possible. His guard was down, he didn't worry about it not even for a half a fraction of a moment. But suddenly he found himself with Clark pregnant, split open, his son dead in his arms, and Clark right after him. Lex found himself in an unbelievable situation, without anyway to understand it. It was beyond the scope of his reasoning, Lionel. Men don't have children, and yet, his lover was lying in a pool of blood with their dying son in his arms." A moment, to think. "He hasn't recovered from that. In any way. I think he's terrified, scared unlike anything else. I also think that he blames himself, for being frightened and unknowing, in the moment Mar died. He feels he could have done something, when there was nothing to be done."

Lionel was quiet for a very, very long moment as he considered his lover's words. "I know that you're right about Lex blaming himself for not having done something. I know it's a blame he carries in his heart to this day. As for the rest of it... you have amazing insight into those children; I would have never realized that myself." He squeezed Dominic's hand tightly. "You may be of more help to them than I am."

Dominic shook his head. "I just understand situations like that, Lionel. I understand disbelief, and the hinder it can put on that moment, because of the blind shock." Dominic thought for a moment, himself, as he squeezed Lionel's fingers, gently. "Clark doesn't have that problem. Clark understands what happened to him, and he's going mad with the need to grieve, but not being able to. He can't seek counseling to a normal psychiatrist, he can't talk to people about it without bringing them pain, he can't talk to Lex about it. He needs to express his pain, channel it somewhere, and he's finding himself without a channel." Another moments thought. "I think... if we provide that channel for Clark, Lex will follow into it, and allow himself to understand it wasn't his fault."

Lionel nodded again. "I agree with you there; but how do we do that? I... am not good with situations like this, but I will try, for both their sakes. I want to help them, Dominic, I want to help them save what they have."

"How do we provide a channel?" Dominic's eyes widened, slightly. "Christ. Don't ask me. I'm the analyzer, not the problem solver. That's you, you great oaf." Dominic poked him in the ribs, but turned and slid an arm across Lionel's waist.

Lionel gave a soft chuckle at that, and pulled Dominic closer to him. "Fair enough. You present the problem, and I find the solution to it." He sighed as he considered. "I don't know if either of us could withstand the mental assault of allowing him to link with us, but I want to do more for them than just talking. Sadly, I don't know that we'll be able to talk to them together, because Lex will throw a fit if he thinks we're harming Clark or making him sad or angry."

"Of course he will." Dominic looked up at him. "I did a link with the two of them a week before we left. It didn't hurt me... then again, they weren't fighting, but I think...if you want to, if... If you wanted to try, we could."

Lionel elevated an eyebrow. "You did?"

He swallowed, nodded, and didn't look up again, just kissed his lovers collar bone. "Indeed. Lex needed help analyzing some of his extra perception powers and such, and I helped him. He read my memories, quite well indeed."

"Hmm," Lionel murmured. "But you said they weren't fighting then?" He made a little questioning noise in his throat as he stroked over Dominic's shoulder. "I don't know that I want to risk either of us when they're angry, and possibly not in control of everything."

"They weren't, they were calm. I was aware of myself, though... it wasn't like when we saw Aurora." Dominic gently rubbed his thumb along the small of Lionel's back in soft, soothing motions, and set his ear on the warm flat surface of Lionel's chest, where his heart was beating. "Why must everything be so hard, Lionel?"

"Because we would get lazy and complacent if things were easy. Besides, our lives would be boring, don't you think?"

"No. I think they'd be fabulous." His voice was quiet. "I'm tired of everything being so damned hard all the time. I'm tired of it."

"I know you are," Lionel said quietly. "But for that, you married the wrong man, Dominic."

At that, his lips twitched up into a tiny smile. "Indeed I did. I'm a happy, tired man then." He pressed his lips to his husbands chest, and set his head back on it. "You know, I was thinking the other day, I don't remember what its like to be your assistant anymore."

Lionel gave a quiet chuckle. "Good. Because you're going to be the vice president instead, and it requires a whole new mindset."

He listened, quietly, to the lulling thumps, and let his eyes close so some of the stress and nausea could calm down. "Do you hear them in the shower, then?"

"No, but my hearing isn't what it used to be," he sighed. "It's quite possible I'm just not hearing the water run."

"Yeah right." A snort up at him. "Hearing not what it used to be. Please. You could hear Charles gasping for air in the board meeting the week before we left." He squeezed his husband in tight, for a strong hug, before sitting up, then climbing up, to his feet. He walked to the door, opened it, and crept across the hall, stopping only to listen. He could hear their voices, soft and quiet, and the shower running, and thanked God as he closed his door behind him again. "They're fine. The showers on, they're talking."

"At least they're not yelling, screaming, or killing each other," Lionel said. "There's a bright side."

"Sure it is." he sat at the edge of the bed. "If by bright side you mean horrifying one." A plop backwards again, and he closed his eyes, spread eagle on the bed. "I can already feel the stress headache building in my left eye." He closed both eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Its thumping, ClarkLex... ClarkLex... ClarkLex.."

Lionel's fingertips came to his lover's temples, pressing in gently as he cupped the sides of his lover's face in warm palms and started to quietly massage.

"That wasn't a cue to massage my head." But did he pull away? Hell no. He leaned in, further, because his lover holding him just like this was the most wonderful thing ever. "Lillian used to rave about your massages."

"Of course it wasn't," Lionel said. "But what kind of a husband would I be if I didn't?" He kept rubbing, his fingertips working in slow, warm circles on Dominic's temples, palms still cradling him as he massaged.

"A sleepy one." But Dominic didn't say anything, as he let his eyes close. "Later tonight, when everything's calmed... I'll give you a back rub. I do them quite well, indeed." He murmured, softly, as his lover touched and everything just sort of… relaxed. "Christ that feels good."

"It's a massage. It's supposed to feel good." He looked at his watch, and it was barely half past eleven. "Thank God supper at your gran's isn't until five o'clock tonight."

"Thank God." Was all Dominic said, eyes closed. He was enjoying this all too much, his brain going groggy with sleep, and he heaved a quiet sigh. "If death and mayhem weren't imminent, I could lazy here with you all day."

"I know the feeling," Lionel admitted softly. "But we have children to take care of. And they are children, for all of their grown-up acts."

"Indeed, right you are about that, my love." A murmur, quiet and soft, as his lover stroked and soothed his aching temples and his thumping head. "What are we going to tell them, Lionel?"

Lionel considered for a long moment as he silently worked his lover's skin in warm, soothing, circles, massaging temples, cheeks, and forehead. Finally, he answered. "I don't know. We'll have to deal with it as it comes."

"I'd forgotten, you don't have all the answers." Dominic muttered, almost silently, as his lover worked magic on his muscles. "Its invigorating to remember." And it was. In every sort of way. "I like knowing you're clueless, too, Lionel." Finally, when he felt slack with pleasure, he gently took his lovers hands from his face and led them around his back, wrapping his own arms around him. "I love you."

Lionel gave a quiet, slightly sarcastic chuckle. "I have nearly all the answers, just not every one of them. And shame on you for taking pleasure in it." But his voice wasn't at all angry, and he gave a little smile at it. He let Dominic maneuver his arms as he willed, and then hugged his lover close. "I love you, Dominic."

"Of course you do. I am Dominic, after all." Wicked little giggle up at his lover as he caressed Lionel's neck and shoulders, as they sprawled there, their legs hanging off the bed as they rested. "You do have nearly all the answers, indeed. You are God, are you not?"

"Of course I'm God," Lionel said haughtily. "Do I not have the stately beard and long flowing tresses to prove it?" He knew that would bring a quirk to the corners of his lover's lips. "Granted, I don't have the booming, Charlton-Heston-like voice, but I think that mine will serve as the occasions call for it. Anyone can boom from on high."

Dominic's lips did curve, softly, and he grinned up at his lover with twinkling eyes. "You do have a booming voice, my love. Very sexy, indeed. When you want your voice heard, it gets heard, one way or another. Though, you know, darling..." He stroked his fingers through the crazed, frizzy hair adorning his lovers head. "I think Jesus had the touch of God on his flowing tresses."

"You do realize that Jesus would not have had the flowing blond hair or the Anglo-type blue eyes that he had, seeing as where he was born, don't you? He would have had the darker complexion, brown eyes and dusky hair of the desert peoples that made up his tribes and his believers."

Dominic's own blue eyes twinkled. "Thank you, so much, for categorizing me as Anglo, ducks. Though I suppose we both are, in our ways. But indeed, the Christ that I grew up with was the darker haired, darker eyed Jesus." His lips twitched. "I think the people of America made Jesus blond."

"You are Anglo-Saxon, Dominic. The Anglo people, as well as the Saxons and the Celts, all came from this island where we are even now. The Saxons and the Anglos united their kingdoms against the so-called savagery of the Celts until all three people came together and formed three kingdoms for each people." Then he gave a little twitch of his own. "And I shall stop with the history lectures now, and just nod prettily in agreement."

Dominic snickered, up at his lover. "I meant, my darling husband, that none of us are purely Anglo anymore. For even if I am Irish, I also embrace the part of myself that's Italian, you know. Poiché amo la mia eredità italiana, tanto come amo gli Irlandesi in mio, caro." Dominic spoke, flawlessly, and let his eyebrows waggle.

"Because I love my Italian heritage, as much as I love the Irish in me, beloved?" Lionel translated without losing a beat.

His eyes twinkled as he nodded. "Mmm." But he shifted and yawned, rolling over onto his side for a moment, listening to the shower running in the room across the hall. "I didn't think I'd say this, Lionel, but the time has come for us to go home."

Lionel shook his head. "No. I have to disagree with you. I think as much as Lex and Clark both think they want to go home, and think they need to go home, I also think the change of scenery will do them good, so they're not physically tied down to the site and location of all their misery."

Dominic looked up at him, at that. "Maybe you're right, about that." He stopped, for a moment. "What in the bloody hell are we going to tell them, Lionel? Honestly?"

"Honestly? Exactly that. That we're going to stay here, have dinner with your grandmother on Sunday, and go back home Monday. But until then, they're going to have to talk to us, and each other, here, on neutral ground."

"I'm sure that's going to go over well." Dominic said, softly, as he rolled onto his back. "They're so miserable, baby. Jesus. Come now, let's… let's get some tea started, do you think? Something warm for them to put in their bellies. I'm going to start a fire in the living room."

"Coffee, not tea," he said softly. "I don't know that either of them drink tea, but they both like coffee." But he nodded in agreement. "Yes, they need warmth. Also, leave out the toast, and the fruit, because they may need food too. Neither of them ate."

"Yes, coffee. Sorry, I'm a bit sideways at the moment." He rolled up to his feet, and yawned softly as he looked down at his lover's sweater, the one Dominic himself was still adorning, and didn't think of anything for a moment as he fought to get his bearings. He'd had a thought... aha! There it was. "I also froze some of my gran's pastries. I'll pop them in the oven and get them nice and crispy, aye? Can you handle getting the fire goin'?"

"I think we're all a bit sideways, as you say." He pulled himself up to his feet, and smiled at his lover's thinking of everything. "I think I can handle wood, paper and matchsticks. Caveman brave, know fire." A little kiss to his lover's cheek. "It's better to trust me with matches than a toaster."

The laughter came so fast Dominic almost choked on it, smothering it as hard as he could so the kids wouldn't hear, and bit his knuckle to keep it in even as his eyes teared. Finally, finally, when he could speak, he managed, "Caveman brave, know fire?"

"I could have said, fire bad, tree pretty, but I thought that might be a little much for the occasion."

Dominic burst into muffled laughter all over again, the sound just a little hysterical as he did it, and shook his head as he took Lionel's hand and led him out. "Go on. Go get the fire started up, I'll get the things in the kitchen done in a lick."

Lionel hugged his lover once around the waist, hearing the hysterics, and sighed. "We'll get them through this. Or at least enough through it where they don't self-destruct." He nodded. "I can do fire, and once it's lit, I'll go and check on them while you're in the kitchen."

"Alright, ducks." Dominic gave his cheek a kiss and slipped off, into the kitchen, and from it, only a few minutes later, the smell of pastries filled the living room air.

Lionel knelt in front of the fireplace, wincing just a little as his old knees creaked with the ache brought on by cold, and he carefully piled a layer of shredded newspaper along the bottom of the grate, and then went to the front door and dragged the kindling basket, refilled just the day before, over to the fireplace, and started to lay a layer of twigs and thin sticks over the newspaper to help build the fire up.

Next were large chunks of black oak from the trees around the cottage, and Lionel struggled briefly with the logs as he tried to wedge the heavy logs into the fireplace.

Wide palmed, long fingers took the burden from Lionel silently, quietly, and still damp from his shower, but warm and clean, Clark set the log into the fireplace, two of them, and with a blink from his eyes lit the wood on fire. He blew on it, softly, adding more fire from his eyes when it was needed, until a few minutes later, it was crackling and burning beautifully, warmth and heat permeating from it.

Lionel blinked in surprise when Clark leaned over and took the wood out of his hands and lit it, but he moved out of Clark's way, pushing himself back to his feet with all the fluid grace he could muster and looking around to find Lex.

Lex had come out of the room with Clark, dressed in warm slacks and a sweater, and he was making his way over to the kitchen, picking up potholders as he lifted the hot kettle of boiling water from the stove, where it was just whistling and waiting for the coffee to be added to it.

Lionel flicked a questioning glance to his lover, but put his hand on Clark's shoulder. "Thank you for the help, Clark."

Clark shrugged, absently, as he kept his eyes trained on the fire, spurting his heat into it every few minutes until it was tall and warming the room, and finally glanced at Lionel. "Its the least I could do."

Dominic traded his glance with Lionel and just smiled at Lex in thank you. He bent down and retrieved the crispy, hot pastries from the oven, setting the pain atop the stove and flipping the oven off. He carefully prodded the little pastries, making sure they were warm all the way through, and when he found they were, he set them on the plate that was on a tea tray. Four thick mugs, cream and sugar awaited, and Dominic glanced at the wooden cutting board. "We can take the kettle with us, ducks. Grab the cutting board, there... it'll cool the kettle down."

"Okay." Lex did as he was told, picking up the cutting board with one hand, picking up the kettle with the other, and carrying them into the living room, around the cozy fire that Clark and Lionel had just built. He sat the cutting board on the stone hearth, and then sat the kettle on top of it, so it could cool down, but still be kept warm by the fire.

"You're not required to do anything but enjoy yourself as long as you're here," Lionel pointed out quietly. "This is your vacation. You're supposed to take it easy and enjoy it."

"So are you." Clark said, softly, as he helped Dominic set the tray on the coffee table, and sat down on the ground beside the pile of huge, fluffy pillows meant to be rested on in front of the hearth. "We wanted to apologize."

"We both... we're sorry for the way we acted before," Lex said, very quietly as he sank down beside, but not quite in the same space as, his lover. "We shouldn't have made our problems public like that, and we shouldn't have involved the two of you in them."

Clark nodded, tightly, his throat tightening for a moment as the two older men settled on the couch. "We shouldn't have. The last time we involved people, they got hurt. We're sorry, very sorry. We disgraced your home."

Dominic's eyebrows were furrowed, tightly. "You did no such thing, either of you. You're allowed to have moments of weakness, you know."

"Not when our weaknesses can cause other people injury, Dominic." Lex lowered his eyes just a little. "Please... we ask your forgiveness."

Lionel blinked. "Dominic's right, you've done no such thing. Lex, Clark, be reasonable. You've done nothing of the sort. Of course you're forgiven, nothing is held against you, but there's nothing to be forgiven for."

Dominic nodded, quickly, looking at both of their faces. "Lads... we all have our moments. All of us. You shouldn't feel... ashamed for that." His eyebrows knit, tightly, as he too, sank down onto the floor, only the coffee table separating him from the two boys as they spoke. He leaned against his lovers legs, gently, the side of them, and frowned at them. "We all have our moments. I feel good knowing it was us, and not someone else."

Clark just... he looked down, at his lap, and played with the cuff of his jeans, without saying a word.

Lex's fingers tentatively reached out, and wrapped around Clark's nervous ones, but he didn't say a word.

Clark took them, tightly in his own, and wrapped their fingers together. He was so ashamed of his actions, so fucking ashamed.

Lionel sighed as he looked at the two shame-faced young men in front of them, and sighed. "Clark, Lex... both of you. Stop this, this instant. You've nothing to be ashamed of. Dominic and I fight like the end of the world. Don't you remember, after he was shot? He threw half the objects in the war room at me, and yelled on top of that. Do you think that you are the only ones who make fools of yourselves when you're angry with one another? You're not. At the risk of upsetting you both... your bond might be something unique, but your actions because of it? Are as human as they come."

Clark looked up, startled, when Dominic snorted, and his eyes widened a little bit. He sideglanced his lover, Adam's apple bobbing, before back up at Lionel.

"Indeed. Fighting is that, fighting, and distinctly, completely, human. Sorry, laddies. You fight because you piss one another off. Just because you're alien doesna mean you're special, my darlings. You're as plain as they come, in that respect. We all fight, but... there's something you should know." Dominic shifted. "Fighting strengthens your relationship."

Lex tightened his grip on Clark's hand as his head shot up, but he didn't do anything but lift his eyes to glare at Dominic, and then at his father.

"There is no relationship without fighting," Lionel stressed. "There isn't. That's why it was so important for Dominic and I to have that fight. I still remember what he told me, that he wouldn't have agreed to share my life with me had we not fought, because it was only through the fighting that he was sure that we were equals. Sure that he could stand up to me as his own man, and not merely an extension of me."

Dominic nodded, silently, and gently squeezed his lovers leg warmly, as he wound his arm casually, comfortably, around it. "And its the truth. You can't have a perfect relationship, where all you do is laugh and smile and laa-dee-fucking-da around the place. You need to argue, because when you don't, the relationship becomes hollow."

"Even… even though we've been fighting, nonstop, for two weeks?" Clark asked, softly.

Lionel nodded. "All that means is you haven't found the root of the problem yet. And you can't keep glossing over it with kisses, apologies and sex. Because that won't solve the problem. It'll just cover it up."

Dominic agreed, wholeheartedly, with his lovers blunt words. "He's right, laddies. This type of thing shouldn't be covered up, either. You have to find the root of the issues you're having with one another. And its not about Lex treating you like a child, Clark, or Clark making you feel unworthy, Lex. This goes deeper than that."

Lex gave a little nod in acknowledgement of Dominic's words. "No it's not."

Lionel gave his lover a look that said, I'm going to put you on the spot. "While you young men were in the shower, Dominic and I were talking. And I think he came up with what, exactly, the problem is."

Fuck. You bastard. "Yes. I think I might have." A silent, deep breath. "I think... I think that all of this, all of your problems and anger and petty arguments, comes from the fact that you've yet to properly grieve for your child." A moment. "You haven't gotten to grieve, because you're so involved in helping one another, helping everyone around you, from hurting, that you haven't allowed yourselves to hurt." He paused for a moment. "It makes you both the most unselfish people I've ever met. But I think its true, and I think that's what's wrong. And until you do grieve, until you do come to terms with what's happened and why it has, you won't stop arguing."

Clark was still silent, even if a thread of panic was starting to ebb in his heart. Dominic… Dominic understood, he knew, and he squeezed Lex's hand, tightly, even as he watched his pant cuff.

Lionel leaned forward, and put one hand on Clark's shoulder, and the other on Lex's. "Grieve for your child, and for yourselves. For once, without worrying about each other. Clark, you know that Lex is strong. Lex, you know the same about Clark. You are both strong now; you have stood by the other for as long as you can. Let go of that. Hurt, for yourselves, be weak in front of each other, before the resentment rises up to choke off this love you feel for each other."

Dominic watched, with a breaking heart, as Clark's face crumbled, at the young man's face as he sat there, unable to look at them, and knew at once his guess had been right. He let go of Lionel then, in that moment, and slipped around the table, to carefully, gently, wrap his arms around Clark's much bigger body and tug him close.

The first sob from him broke his heart, and he winced, softly, even as he met his lovers eye. His face was saying one thing, and he knew Lionel knew, as he glanced at Lex pointedly, before down to Clark's shaking body. "Shh, now, sweetheart. There we are... there. Lionel and I are both here for you, beloved."

Lionel nodded in acknowledgement, and he shifted behind Clark, so that he could reach out to his son and pull Lex over to him. "Lex... listen to me, son. I know better than anyone what you are going through and how you feel." His hands bit roughly into Lex's biceps as he hauled the limp body over, and he shook gently. "I know. I lost your mother to this, because I wasn't there for her. You have been there for Clark, and I am so proud of you for that, but now, now is the time when you have to let him go and tend to yourself, before you drive each other apart."

Lex let Lionel drag him over, listening without expression to the words that were being spoken into his ear, and he just sat there, then at his father's last words, Lionel brought his arms up to wrap around Lionel's chest in an almost rib-cracking hug.

Dominic nodded, tightly, and dragged Clark a little further over, closer into his arms and a bit away from Lionel and Lex. He hugged him, gently, as the young man's body shook, and gently kissed the top of his head. "Its alright, my love. It's alright. Come now, come now. Everything is going to be fine… I promise you. You just need to get over this hump, so you might be with your lover in all of your glory. Lionel and I are so proud of you, proud of you and Lex. No one could have been better for us to call family."

Lex struggled feebly as Dominic moved Clark away from him, but Lionel's arms clamped down tightly around him.

"No, Lex, no. Let him go. Don't. Let him go, Lex. Stay here." Lionel tightened his grip on Lex, knowing that his son was stronger than he was but trusting that he'd be able to overpower it if Lex tried to break away. "No. Let him go with Dominic. Stay."

He struggled again, stronger than before, but not enough to break away, and choked off a little clicking noise in his throat.

Clark was shaking, trying so hard not to cry, and clicked the sound back, though it wasn't in agonized wanting, but in gentle telling. It was okay, it was okay for them to be separated for a little while, and he wrapped his arms tighter around Dominic's waist and held on. He was strong, and careful with him, and Clark appreciated both of those things as he shook.

"Clark, Lex, I know you hate hearing these things, but I can tell you this. This pain... it will never go away. You'll be able to live with it, though, live with it and learn from it, and one day you'll understand the joy of having children. I can see it, in my heart. You're both going to be proud parents, many times over. I love you both, very much, you know. Lionel and I both love you, so deeply. You're ours to take care of, and there's nothing we won't do for you."

Lex keened softly once, but stopped struggling in Lionel's arms when he heard the click back. He gave silent little cries that shook his shoulders and his torso, but made no audible sound as he leaned against his father.

Lionel loosened the restraining arms and then tightened them in a different way as he embraced Lex, rubbing his back. "It's going to be all right, Lex, we're going to help you through it." He hugged harder, and knew that the boys didn't need to be in the same room. "Come on. Let's go. Back to your bedroom, and I'll bring you coffee, and something to eat, and we can talk. Come on." He tugged at Lex's arm, eyes on Dominic's as he attempted to separate the boys even more, so they could speak in private, without seeing the other one breaking down.

Dominic nodded, tightly, and instead gently pushed Clark up, helping him to his feet, and onto the couch. He understood everything his lover was telling him without saying a word... he had been his lovers right hand man for many years now, hadn't he? He gently stroked over Clark's shower damp hair and let him lean against him, as he shook and trembled. "There we are, my lad. There we are. Rest now, rest here with me."

Clark trembled and nodded, eyes closed, tightly, as he did it. He was shaking with sadness, with his grief that was piled like an unspeakable rock on his throat, and wept silently against Dominic's shoulder as he did it. His socked feet came up and pressed into the couch cushions as he cried, and he finally lay his head on Dominic's knee, silently.

Lex made another little keening noise as he let Lionel steer him away, but once he was in the bedroom, he all but deflated behind the closed door, dropping onto the bed and pulling his knees up to his chest, a favorite childhood position and one he picked now because of the comfort of it. His arms wrapped around his knees and his chin rested on them, then he laid his cheek on them, staring quietly at the wall as his shoulders shook.

Lionel didn't say anything, just very firmly steered Lex into the bedroom and closed the door, keeping him from pulling away and going back to Clark. He threw the little latch that served as a lock for the door, and then sat down on the side of the bed beside his son. "Do you want to talk about it, Lex?"

Dominic carefully held Clark, though his embrace was snug and tight. He rocked Clark gently, gently as he could, his own green eyes, wide and always so full of emotion, now slit and filled with his own sadness. He rocked Clark, gently, gently in his arms, as softly as he could as Clark sobbed, and his fingers stroked gently through all of his thick hair. "Shh, shh, my love, my angel. Hush, now, hush. Its alright, beloved, you can cry, you can cry as much as you want to. Don't hold it back. Tá tú go h-álainn, Clark. Don't you know that? You are going to have so many children, and those children are going to love you. You're going to have so many babies."

Clark was just crying, heavily, hard into Dominic's shoulder, curled up beside him and wailing. He couldn't stop it, couldn't stop, even if he knew all of what Dominic was saying was true, and he sobbed, even as he tried to stop, even as his fingers went through his hair and yanked at it, as if it could free him of this pain.

Lex shook his head. "No, I don't." He just left his cheek on his knee, staring through the wall as though he could see through it, could see Clark on the other side, see him sobbing and crying even as he felt it in his head and his heart.

Lionel was tempted to roll his eyes, but he didn't. "Would you consider me an evil, tactless man if I told you that really didn't matter, because you're going to have to talk sooner or later?"

"No," he sniffed, and he still stared at the wall.

A deep, deep sigh. "You're not going to talk to me, are you, Lex?"

"No."

At that, Lionel did throw his hands up in the air. "I give up. Would you rather talk to Dominic?"

That didn't receive a response, which Lionel assumed was a yes.

"Fine, I'll go get him, but Lex? You had better talk to him. For your sake, and for Clark's." With that, he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him, and sighing as he looked at Clark trying to tear his hair out. "Little cricket, would you like to switch?"

Dominic looked up, his eyes filled with tears, and his throat was tight as he grit his teeth. He nodded, quietly, looking helplessly down at the young man in his arms, and winced softly. "I don't know if I can." He said softly, as he stroked his fingers down Clark's back gently.

"Lex isn't listening to me," Lionel said quietly, coming into the room with his lover and Clark, and kneeling beside the young man. His longer fingers met Clark's in his hair, and gently disengaged them from tugging. "He won't talk to me," Lionel continued, as he looked up at his husband. "Please."

 

-fin-

go on to the next part