The Memoirs

Lionel had been trying to avoid the clock all evening. He knew the therapist was down in the therapy room with Dominic, and he stared. Blankly at the wall, at the hospital bed in their bedroom, side by side with the large bed they usually shared, at the padded restraint chair that Dominic could sit in, instead of the wheelchair, to look out the window.

And he was strenuously avoiding dinner.

Clark and Lex were obviously avoiding each other, and Lionel wasn't stupid enough to think that whatever they'd fought about was random; no, he'd heard the fight earlier between Lex and Dominic and could only assume it had something to do with the revelations.

Maybe Dominic would be happy now, if he realized everyone else in the house was as miserable as he was.

But five thirty came, and when nobody appeared at the door to tell him that they'd taken Dominic dinner, he knew it was his responsibility, and one that he would not shirk, no matter how much verbal abuse Dominic dished out to him.

He took the specially prepared tray from the small cart in the kitchen without saying a word to anyone, and knocked on the door of the therapy room, where Dominic had remained after Eddie had left. "Dominic?" he said softly. "It's time for dinner."

Dominic looked up, and rubbed his cheeks dry. He'd just had a hell of a crying jag, out of nowhere--just because he existed. He was so depressed, spiraling out of control like a tornado, and it made him vaguely sick with panic around his chest. He ignored it, setting his face in stone as he finished clearing his throat. "Come in."

Lionel carefully pushed the door open and brought the tray in. "Ms. Bird made pot roast, I believe, and lightly spiced potatoes and carrots, and I believe, baby peas in lemon butter." He took the lid off to reveal two plates, one for himself and one for his lover, so they could at least have dinner together. "I didn't know what you wanted to drink, but we'll call it in to Enrique and he'll bring it up to us."

Dominic nodded without speaking. His chair was getting uncomfortable, and he had to use the bathroom so, so badly, but he didn't dare say anything as Lionel sat down beside him at the small table beside him. He cleared his throat again and didn't look at his husband, as he shrugged a shoulder. "Whatever, is fine."

Lionel sighed. "I'll call for iced tea then." He picked up the telephone and spoke briefly into it, ordering a small pitcher of iced tea and two glasses, then turned back to his lover. "What did you think of Eduard?"

"He's a twat." Dominic answered honestly, not looking at Lionel as he looked down at his useless hand.

"Shall I keep him on, then? Or would you like me to find another therapist?" He looked down at his own plate, resisting the urge to feed his lover until Dominic had at least tried with his good hand.

"They're all the same. He'll be fine." Dominic muttered, as he looked up at the trays Lionel had brought in. "I hate this."

"The food?" Lionel asked hopefully. At least that he could fix. "I can have something else made or brought in, merely say the word of what you wish."

"Not using my hand." Dominic corrected, frowning at Lionel. "I'm not to be catered to. I'm not a sulky little boy."

"No, of course you're not," Lionel said, backtracking hastily. "I just thought it might be more appealing for you to eat if you had something you truly wanted."

"Lionel, anything is fine. Stop. It's rather unbecoming on you to be so willing." Dominic glared. as he shifted a little in the chair with his good hand, before reaching for the fork with slightly shaking fingers.

"I'm not being willing," Lionel said, watching without making a big deal of it as he continued cutting his own portions, but not actually eating yet. "I'm simply trying to accommodate you as best I can."

"Don't. As I said, its very unbecoming. Are you really that weak willed?" Dominic shot black, eyes darkening in a face that had blue bruises around the eyes and parchedness around the lips. He lifted the fork, biting his lower lip in his effort.

"When it comes to you? Yes," Lionel answered frankly.

"Disgusting." Dominic rolled his eyes at him and shifted again, working his concentration and carefully holding the fork between shaking fingers.

Lionel didn't show how much that upset him. "I'm sorry you feel that way. Perhaps tomorrow I will be cantankerous and moody again," is all he answered.

"Good. I like you that way. I'd rather meet you will to will, rather than under my shoe," Dominic shot back, carefully forking up some of the potatoes and made it to his mouth. Thank. God. Even if it exhausted him, he did it, but he kept that to himself, still glaring.

When Dominic took his first bite, so did Lionel. "Then I will see what I can do," is all he said, carefully starting to eat his meal.

"Good. Go to LuthorCorp, they'll piss you off over there. Has Lex found my replacement?" Dominic asked, all breezily, a mockery of his usual tone.

"No, he hasn't, and as far as I know, he has only started looking tonight, though I don't know what good that will do him. He and Clark have had a fight, and they're avoiding each other and staying on opposite ends of the house." A little sigh as he looked up, and was quiet as their drinks were brought in.

"I thought they might." Rather than be upset, though, Dominic gave a triumphant little smirk. "You'll find someone good, I'm sure."

"I don't intend to be involved in the process at all," Lionel answered, ignoring the smirk. "My choice is currently out of the office due to an extended illness, and I won't go back to work without him. Lex's choice will be entirely his own, as hopefully someone he works well with."

"Is that what I've got then? Extended illness?" Dominic smirked again, and tried for another spoonful, his concentration centered on getting it in his mouth, not his lap. "How lovely."

Lionel shrugged dejectedly. "What would you like me to call it, then?"

"A flat out lie. Do you honestly think, that if, and when, I get well, I'll ever be equipped to work at LuthorCorp again? Get real."

Lionel slammed his utensils down at that. "Yes, I do think that!"

Dominic sneered at Lionel's slam, and gave a triumphant little snicker. "You're deluded."

"No, Dominic, I am not deluded. I have no doubt that soon, you will be your old self again, and recovered enough to resume your rightful place." He left his utensils on the table and didn't dare to pick up his tea glass.

"You always were an optimistic individual," Dominic chirped, taking another bite of meat and chewing.

"So were you, at one point."

"It'd be kind of cute, if it weren't so sad," Dominic grinned again, though the smile wasn't at all about happiness. His eyes were hooded and hidden, fingers calming enough to take another bite. "Poor, sad little Lionel. Having his limits tested? All of that 'till death to you part' a bunch of shit?"

Lionel's table setting clattered to the floor, food and all. "I don't know why you are saying these things to me, but I won't stand for it." He stood up, stepping neatly over the spilled food as his hands shook. "I'll send someone in here to clean this up and sit with you, as apparently my company isn't wanted. You could have taken pity on me and told me so to begin with." He closed the door to the room behind him, and clenched his hands until they stopped shaking.

As soon as the door closed Dominic dropped the smirk and let his shaking hand rest against the table before bringing it to his face. He scrubbed against the skin, running it over the hair he had left, and across his neck. He had to pee. Badly. There wasn't anyone to help him, and he'd be damned if he'd ask Lionel or Lex, so he just looked down at the remnants of his dinner and felt his stomach churning over what little he'd eaten.

Lionel didn't bother opening the doors again, just left them closed as he went through the house, and grabbed the arm of the first person he saw, which happened to be Shayla. "Go and sit with Dominic until he has finished dinner, do you understand me? I will come back when he is done eating, and will help him move, but until then, you sit your ass in the chair and do not move."

Shayla's eyes were huge in her head. "You've got to be kidding me."

"No, I am not. Now go." Lionel bodily shoved her out of the room, then closed the door behind her, locking her out of the now-empty room and leaning quietly against the door.

Shay was walking almost on tiptoes when she got to the therapy room, and she almost fled entirely when she saw the mess on the floor, but she knocked timidly anyway.

Dominic plastered a sneer on his face. "Coming back for more, Lione--" He stopped, when he saw the tiny girl in the doorway, and the smirk slid away. "Oh."

Shayla was hiding against the half open door. "Lionel said... you needed me?" Her voice was almost as tiny as she was now, and she was looking down at the floor instead of at him.

"He's gone to take care of his temper problem." he didn't take his eyes off of her, because it felt like he hadn't seen her in months--which he hadn't. She'd filled out, and gotten thin, and looked... different. She wasn't his Shay--she was a woman. Something like agony leapt in his throat that hurt to swallow against, but he didn't say anything else for a moment as he studied her. "You can sit. Sorry about the mess."

"It's okay. I don't mind messes." She edged into the room and perched on the very side of the seat, slowly dragging her eyes up. "Are you okay?"

"Not really. Yourself?"

"I'm okay." She swung her feet off the floor, back and forth under the seat of the chair.

If there was one thing Dominic was good at, was cutting through the crap. "Why haven't you been to see me?"

Shit. "I... everyone else came. I felt like I'd be in the way, and even when they told me I wouldn't be... I was..."

"You don't have to lie to me, Shay. Tell me the truth," Dominic commanded firmly.

"That is the truth, just not all of it," she said in a rush. "I was scared. Cause... you're not you. Not when you were laying there in the hospital all but dead, not when you woke up and were all... not yourself, and not now, when you're cranky and just... tearing everybody a new ass. It's like... a stranger woke up wearing my brother's face, and it's creepy and I hate it."

Dominic listened to her without interrupting, and just nodded after she was through when something screamed inside of him. "Thank you for being honest."

"You're welcome." Her feet were swinging faster.

He looked up. "I may never be okay again, Shayla. It doesn't mean I love you any less."

"You will be okay!" she yelled. "You have to be! You can't not be! So stop it!"

"You didn't answer me. Do you think I'd care about you any less? or will you continue to ignore me?"

"No, I just... it's weird you not being you. You have to stop. You have to be you again, Morgan. I miss you, and it makes me sick to my stomach whenever anybody mentions you, cause you're not you and it just reminds me how much I miss you and how bad I feel about the whole being afraid of my brother thing."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Dominic snapped. "Honestly. I am your brother. Shayla, I'm not all sugar and sweets. Shame on you. What if I'm never well again, and I'm like this forever? Eh? What then? Will I only catch glimpses of you as you run away from where I happen to be?"

Speaking of running. Shayla shot up from her perch on the edge of the seat as he snapped at her, and hovered behind it. "See? That's not you!"

"Alright, oh mistress of the universe." He crossed his good arm across his chest. "YOU tell me who I am, then."

"I don't know, but you're not my brother!" And she fled.

Dominic snarled after her and upturned the tray holding his own food, sending the plates shattering against the stone floor as he growled and turned to his chair. He couldn't even move in it and he sat there, infuriated, struggling not to be upset as he looked out the window.

Shayla tore down the hallways crying, and slammed the door to her bedroom as she barely made it to the bathroom in time, puking her guts up as hard as she could.

At the loud shattering of crockery, Ms. Bird waddled up the steps, pulling her body slowly up them and didn't bother to ask if she could come in, just tsking at the mess. "And vhat has been goink on here?" she asked, plopping herself down in the empty chair.

Dominic didn't dare say a word. Just… didn't. He didn't even acknowledge she was there. He could hear his sister running, crying, heard a door slam upstairs and grit his teeth, grinding them so hard the sound was audible.

"Dat's bad for chur teeth," she pointed out, and clucked her tongue at the broken dishes. "I am goink to hef to serve chur food on plastic dishes from now on."

"Oh, yes please. Make them Rug Rats. Because I just love my Saturday FUCKING morning cartoons," Dominic snarled at her. "Get. Out."

She looked at him. "Chu get out. Chu are in my house, after all. Chu should be de vun gettink out."

"This is not your house," Dominic glared at her.

"But it is; I live here, de same as chu do. I vork here, und I live here. Dis is my house, as much as it is churs, and I have de same right as you do to tell chu to get out." She was calm, and didn't bat an eye.

"Fine. Then please leave my room right now." Dominic said, just as calmly, but about ten times more sarcastically.

"Und if I ded thet? Den who vould chu have to yell at?"

"NO ONE!" Dominic roared, "That's the bloody POINT!"

"Aye, as if it's done chu a bit of goot to sit up alone here und stew. Chu are feeling sorry for churself, und you are meking my house miserable vith it. Stop it."

"I'm tired of being accommodating to everyone. Lionel can run around here screaming and yelling, and no one bats an eye. I'm TIRED of being the rational one, and I won't have it anymore. How dare you, come in here and tell me what to do. Get out."

Ms Bird just laughed at that. "Chu? Accommodating? Chu have not been accomodating since chu wheeled over de threshold of de door! Chu have been surly and mean, chu make your seester cry, und you are yelling at Hilde Bird."

"I meant all the other three hundred and sixty five bloody days I've lived here." He shot back, glaring at her. "She made herself cry, I only told her the truth."

"Chu made her cry," Ms. Bird said, wiping away the tears of laughter, though she was still grinning.

"Why are you laughing at me?" Dominic demanded.

"Because I never thought I vould see de day vhen you acted like a child," she said. "And it's amusing, and sad all at de same time, und I vould rather laugh den cry."

"Don't laugh at me," He snarled, and felt something hot come up in his throat to choke him, "I'm not here to be laughed at, you stupid old woman. Get out."

"Ef chu did not act dis vay, den I vould not laff," she pointed out.

"How I act is my own goddamned business! GET OUT!"

"No, Herr Dominic, how chu are acting es my business too, vhen it maks my house full of misery because of chur selfishness."

"I'm not being selfish!" Dominic cried, and was horrified to find himself so close to losing his cool. "Get out! GET OUT! Get out of here, LEAVE!'

"Chu are being selfish. Chu are hurting de feelings of de people who are trying to love you und help you. Chu yell at Herr Lionel, at Herr Lex, at little missy Shayla, all who have done nothink to chu."

"I don't need to be lectured by you. I've got my own fucked up mother to do it. Leave me alone." Dominic snarled, and turned away from her.

"Aye, but chur mudder is not here to do it for chu. Und as I am de only person in this house chu cannot mek miserable, it is up to me to make chu stop."

"I don't need you to do anything for me. Get out." Dominic enunciated once more.

"Aye, but chu do," Ms. Bird said, leaning back in her chair. "Chu need me to tell you dat chu are being un ass."

"Unlike when Lionel does it, Ms. Bird, I know exactly what I'm doing. Get out. Leave me alone. Get out or I'll make your life miserable," Dominic threatened, still not looking at her as he crossed his working hand tightly across his chest.

"Aye? And vhat vill chu do to me? Fire me? I tink not. Yell at me? Tell me to get out? As chu can see, dat does not affect me."

Dominic refused to say anything, chin up, head held high, eyes not even moving toward her as he looked out the open pane glass windows.

When she didn't get a response, Ms. Bird reached into her apron pocket, pulled out a bright yellow ball of yarn, two knitting needles, and a small yellow square, and started to knit.

Dominic refused to look at her. So he just studied the gardens, wishing like hell he was out in it, wishing he had a drink, wishing he could use his legs so he could go pee because his bladder was becoming insistent. He shifted uncomfortably and watched a few birds twitter to another tree, eyes heavy lidded as he did.

Ms. Bird just kept knitting, the tea cozy for her bedroom tea set taking shape as she rocked, humming an old lullaby as she knit.

Dominic, after ten minutes of this, finally turned and snarled at her, "Could you find somewhere else to do that?"

"Vhy should I? Dis room does not belonk to chu, no more than de res' of de house."

His teeth gnashed again. "I want to be alone."

"Und I vant you to stop acting like a crazy man. But vill I get vhat I vant?"

"I'm not crazy," he grit out.

"Chu are acting like it."

"And you're a deranged old bitty, do I ever call YOU on it?"

She cackled madly. "I am not deranged, Herr Dominic. But I am an old biddy."

"Where is Lex?" He suddenly said.

She put down her knitting at that. "He is in his office, on de far side of de house, hiding from young Clark."

"Please tell him to come here," Dominic was wearing down his teeth, he was sure.

"I hef orders dat he is not to be deesturbed until Mr. Fordman arrives," she said, picking up her knitting again.

"I. Need. Him."

"Den chu should have thought before chu alienated him dis afternoon," she said wisely, rocking in her chair, accompanied by the rapid click of her needles.

He grit his teeth, speaking through the clenched muscle they were. "Would you like to prostrate myself before your holiness? Would you like me to give up the last of my dignity, whatever shards are left, and say I need help? Well then fine. I need help. Please go get him."

"I vould like you to act like de rest of us are human too," she said, still knitting and not making a single move to get up.

His throat worked, tightly. His bladder? In knots. "Please. Go. Get. Him. I can't scream from here."

"I told you, Herr Dominic. I cannot disturb him." She kept knitting.

The frustration nearly ate a hole in his stomach. He was desperate but he couldn't, wouldn't beg. So he just closed his eyes and lay his head back against the back of the seat, trying to keep his mind off of it as he rested. He was too weak to do anything for himself, too weak to do anything, and he had to admit all of his own weakness to her for her to help him.

He'd rather die.

Ms. Bird's needles still clacked, but she wasn't watching her knitting anymore, but was studying Dominic instead. "Do chu like dis feeling, Dominic? Answer me."

"Leave me alone."

"Do chu like dis? Having everythink chu say thrown back in chur face in this way?"

"What, pray tell, is being thrown back in my face?"

"Chu are asking for help. Chur have admitted being weak, und chu debased yourself to ask for it. Und? Chu could not carry through on chur threats to me."

He was going to choke on the lump in his throat. He was sure of it. He didn't say anything, keeping his eyes closed as his body shook. "Get Lex."

"Dis is how chu make de others feel," she said, pushing up out of her chair. "I vill ask Lex to come, but I do not know if he vill."

"You know nothing of how I feel. Don't presume to think you do. Get. Lex."

She sat right back down again.

He covered his face with his good hand to stop the whimper, letting his head fall back again.

"Are chu going to treat me like I am human?" she asked, picking up her needles again.

"Fine. Get. Lex."

She shook her head. "Chu have not gotten it yet. Chu are sitting dere, about to soil churself, and you tink I do not know." Sad look. "Vhat if I sat here until you soiled churself? Humiliate chu, as chu hef done to everyone here?"

"I haven't humiliated anyone," Dominic croaked, unable to look at her, hand still pressed to his face. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Haven't chu? Vhy isn't chur husband here? Or chur sister? Or Lex? Or even sweet little Clark? Vhere are dey? De vuns who stood by you, vhen nobody else did? Vhere are dey now?"

"Yes, where are they? I'd love to know." Dominic answered back, lifting his head now to look at her, tears of frustration in his eyes, and if it was more than frustration then no one had to know. "You forget I'm married to Lionel Luthor. Do you think I don't understand attitudes and bastard ways and general meanness? Do you think I don't know what you're doing? Why, why is it okay for Lionel to around with a perennial bad attitude but when I show a shred of humanity other than bubbly little Dominic you do this? Are you going to sit here and tell me I'm not acting like Dominic should? Well wake up. This is me. This is the part no one has seen, who'd vindictive and terrible and mean. And you're my family, you're supposed to love me. Instead, you're doing this."

"Aye, I do love chu, Dominic," she said, and put her knitting away in her apron pocket. "But vhat you are failing to understand is that chu have driven dem all avay. Chu think I don't hear. I hear more den chu think. You pick a fight with Lex. You bring up the horrid things from his past that should stay buried, and it causes a fight with Clark. Dey vill not speak to each other now. Chu know dat chur sister is afraid of you now, und you deliberately force her away. It is unspeakable vhat you are doing to Lionel, who is only trying to help chu get better und make you happy."

"You answered nothing of what I said. I've begun to notice a pattern," Dominic snapped. "Running away from the truth, Ms. Bird? Too afraid that good little Dominic may be as terrible as Lionel Luthor himself?"

"Chu vant the truth? Wery well." She tucked her knitting away entirely and met him eye to eye, and when she spoke, her accent had disappeared entirely. "You are feeling sorry for yourself, and as you are miserable, you are making the rest of the house miserable too, and taking joy out of it. You are being a selfish, petty child, and if I have to make you piss yourself to make you realize that you are humiliating the only people who are supporting you through this, then that is what I will do."

"Ahh. So what you're saying is, I should be a cordial, gentle little spirit so that everyone else is happy, correct?"

"No," she said, and her voice held every bit of the steely will her age gave her. "What I am saying is that you need to stop hurting the people around you." With that, she left him there alone, and closed the door, leaning against it on the outside.

She left. And she didn't get Lex.

He felt a sob work its way up his throat, clamped tightly in his mouth so it wouldn't escape, and he looked around the room in near desperation. He couldn't move the chair--it was electric, but the only time he'd tried to move it he'd knocked a table over and broke one of Lionel's antiques. He hadn't tried again. Even if he did, what then? He couldn't lift himself.

He was at the mercy of the people around him. She was asking him to pretend to be nice and sweet to them all, so they wouldn't feel bad when they helped him.

He couldn't. God help him, he'd tried that once, and it had nearly killed him and sent him to therapy for ten years. He couldn't. He wouldn't do it again. He wouldn't bury himself again to make other people happy. That was the right thing to do, he knew it. He knew Elaine would be proud of him for doing it, for not hiding, for not masking the truth.

Ms. Bird didn't say a word, just stayed right outside the door, waiting and listening.

Depression leapt up like an almighty snake in his chest and made him close his eyes against it. Christ, he wished they'd let him die. Anything to not be going through this. Anything. He wished, purely selfishly, that they'd let him go, and he closed his eyes as he leaned his head back again.

Bury himself again, for people to help him. Swallow it all down, keep it dark, keep it hidden, keep it deep. Keep himself where no one could touch him. For help.

He felt like dying when he croaked, "Ms. Bird?"

Ms. Bird opened the door like nothing had happened. "Chu called, Herr Dominic?"

Dominic would have rather died than say anything. "Please, I need help."

"Of course. Lionel has de bathroom set up for chu in de bedroom, let's get you down there, shall we?" She positioned herself behind the chair and pushed it, humming as they went.

"Alright." He answered, not saying anything else as he set his good arm back down in his lap and let Ms. Bird push him.

"Chu are just lucky I happened back by," she scolded gently. "I vas going to clean up in dere vhere the dishes spilt."

He just nodded, not answering her as she walked. He always got the worst feeling of vertigo from the chair, simply from the movement and seeing it with his still slightly slow vision. It was hard to keep catalogue of everything he was seeing, sometimes. So he closed his eyes as they walked, licking his lower lip absently.

"Lionel is downstairs in the stock room, und chu vould think he is stocking the Titanic from the boxes he is bringing up," she said cheerfully as she pushed him into the bedroom. "And dere ve go... de lift is installed, and it vill move you onto de toilet, and back to the chair vhen you are done!"

"Thank you," he answered dully, looking at the metal contraption and wondering at what his life had come to.

"Chur velcome," she said, bustling around and making sure the blankets were out of the way as she pressed the button on the motorized chair that would help Dominic to stand upright long enough to swivel his hips into the lift.

He did as he was shown to do, grasping the bar with his good hand and pulling himself up as much as he could. His body was shaking, badly, and jostling made the need to pee worse, but he didn't say anything. Be good, be nice, and he got what he needed. Easy as that.

As soon as Dominic was settled in the lift, Ms. Bird started it up so that it would move him into position. "I am goink to leave you in privacy now," she said, hands on her hips. "I vill be waiting in de bedroom for chu, call me vhen chu are done."

"I will. Thank you." He said again, holding onto the lift tightly.

"You are welcome, Herr Dominic." She gave him a little smile. "Perhaps as a peace offerink, I can make you a cheese sandwich?"

The thought of food made him want to retch. "No, thank you."

"Ah, vell. I vill save it for anudder night." She closed the bathroom door to give him privacy, and perched primly on the side of the bed.

Dominic did as Macho Woman had shown him to do, quickly. His fingers fumbled, because he could barely see out of his swimming eyes, but he pulled at the pants until he was able to free himself. His hand, sorely taxed with all the work it had been doing today, shook as he grasped the metal, and relieved himself. He'd been holding it since that morning, so he wouldn't have to do what he'd just done to Ms. Bird--given up everything just for what he needed. What a family he had.

He fixed himself up as best he could, not letting himself think about what his life had become as he used the remote on the lift to get himself back into the chair. It hurt, badly, all his loose limbs screaming with the tension they were in, and managed to get himself situated once more. "Ms. Bird, I'm done." He said, through the door, swallowing and pulling the blankets on the sink back over his lap.

Ms. Bird got to her feet and pushed the bathroom doors open, and she beamed when she saw that Dominic had gotten himself back into the chair all by himself. "Look at chu. Chu vill be up und around in no time, mark my words!"

He didn't answer, just leaned over to pull his left leg up onto the foot stand, and cover them up with the blanket again, as well. He didn't want to see them, in all honesty.

She bustled his blankets back into place, tucking him up and in and fussing over him, just beaming and proud of him. "Vould you like to go back to de therapy room? Or vould you like to stay in here? Ve can watch de telly, und I will make tea?"

"Whatever you want is fine with me."

She waggled her finger under his nose. "Chu are tekking it too far, but chu are learning," she said, and she hugged him. "I vill go und see if chur sister vill come back, if you do not yell at her again."

"I'm tired." He answered back. "I might go to sleep."

"Den she vill sit vith you until Lionel comes," Ms. Bird said stoutly. "But chu do not need to be alone to stew."

He was beyond stewing. He didn't really care what they wanted to do, one way or the other. As long as he was nice, they would help him. As long as he was nice, he wouldn't have to beg. He didn't want to beg. As long as he did as he was told, he would be okay. He could handle that. And if something tightened unspeakably in his throat and wouldn't go away, then so be it. "That's fine." He said again.

Ms. Bird just shook her head, and fluffed the pillows on the bed. "If chu vant to get in de bed while Shayla is here, chu have her call me, aye?"

"I'm going to get in bed, now. If that's alright."

"Of course it is." Ms. Bird wheeled the chair over beside the bed, and made sure the bedrails were down. She touched the chair again, letting it rise, and then watching like a hawk as Dominic moved his hips onto the bed. "Let me help chu."

"Alright." He gripped the side bar as it rose, holding it tightly so he wouldn't pitch forward, and closed his eyes until it was high enough.

Once Dominic was upright, Ms. Bird helped move his lower body over to the bed, lifting the dead weight of his paralyzed side while Dominic moved the rest of his body.

That he was light enough for a seventy year old woman to help him move almost made him flinch. Almost. But he did as he was shown, climbing into the bed as much as he was able to and letting out a long breath as he did, closing his eyes tightly.

Feh. Like she wasn't used to working hard. She just settled him in the bed, and handed him the blankets to situate over him however he wanted, and the television remote too. "Dere ve are."

"Thank you." Dominic answered, as he pulled the blankets up to hide some of his thin body, letting them warm him as he settled against the pillow.

Which Ms. Bird fluffed within an inch of their lives.

She sighed. "Dominic... do not be angry vith me," she said quietly.

"I'm not angry." He said on auto pilot.

"Chu are," she said quietly. "But I hope chu will forgive me soon." She kissed him on the cheek, and then on the forehead, before she left.

He wasn't angry. If anything, anger was not in the wide scope of his emotions right now. He didn't have the energy in him to be angry. So he just stared out the window by his best as she left, the feel of her kiss like fire on his skin. He didn't say anything, just shifting as much as he could on the mattress, before closing his eyes and forcing himself to sleep. When he slept the time went by faster, and he didn't have to deal with so much. He could rest.

Not quite ten minutes had gone by, and Shayla was shoved into the room by Ms. Bird's wrinkled elbow. She tiptoed over to the bed and peeked over the rails, seeing that Dominic was asleep. She gave an inner sigh of relief and climbed onto Lionel's side of the bed, farthest away from the hospital bed, and put her head on the pillow, staring fearfully at her brother.

He wasn't asleep at all. He was terrific at faking it. He opened his eyes when he heard Shayla walk in, and heard her crawling into the furthest corner of the bed beside him.

Be nice. And you get what you need.

"I'm sorry."

Shay nearly jumped out of her skin when he spoke from the bedside, and when she answered, her heart was pounding and she panted just a little bit. "You scared me."

Don't make me say it again. "I didn't mean to."

"It's okay." She peered at him in the half-darkness. "Thought you were sleepin'."

His heart was beating so hard he thought it was going to come out of his rib cage. Or at least be audible. "I'm sorry."

She inched a little closer across the bed. "S'okay."

"I didn't mean to be short with you."

A little blink, and she peered harder.

He didn't even move.

She blinked again. "You serious?"

He just nodded, and turned his head to look out the window for a moment, before clearing his throat quietly. "I am serious, Shayla."

She scooted over a little bit closer to him. "You're not going to like, rip my head off anymore?"

He almost choked on the lump in his throat. "No, I'm not."

She finally got herself scooted all the way across Lionel's huge bed, and put her hand on the railing of Dominic's. "You're going to be my brother again, right?"

"Yes, I am." then he turned his eyes to her, heavy lidded with pain. "I want to sleep for a while. Alright?"

She nodded. "Ms. Bird said that you might, might be tired, I mean. I'll just sit here and be quiet, and all."

Ms Bird would. What he'd done, how he'd begged, was still too fresh in his mind, and he turned away. "Thank you."

"No problem." She couldn't help sliding her hand through the railing though, and briefly pet her brother's arm. She moved her had back quickly, because his weak side was beside her, and the skin felt slightly rubbery, not like real skin, and she shuddered, heebied out.

He saw her, out of the corner of his eye, shiver, and he closed his eyes tightly for a moment before croaking out, "I can still feel you."

"Can you? It feels... strange. Cause you've been sick, I know, but... it feels strange." Shayla steeled herself, didn't let herself squick again, and she reached through the bedrails, and picked up his hand, already trying to turn into a claw, and she made her stomach stop rolling as she held his hand.

He turned his head again to look at her, letting her hold his hand. "I can still feel everything. I just can't move it." He said, quietly, dully, as he watched her. She was disgusted, he could see it, but why shouldn't she be? He was disgusted, and it was his body.

She stroked his hand gently, and the more she stroked it, the less icked out she was. "It's just... weird, Morgan. it's all weird lately. Ever since you fell and got hurt, everything around here has gone to shit."

Dominic kept looking at her, watching her silently for a long moment. "I'm sorry its weird."

"No, it's not your fault." She squeezed his hand carefully. "It's just... all weird. You're part of that too, because YOU'RE weird. You're not yourself, and that's just making things worse. That's why I'm so scared. You know?"

That he got to the point where he was consoling an eighteen year old over himself, was thoroughly depressing. "I'm sorry. I'll try to be myself." Because if he wasn't, they weren't going to help him. He'd strive for it goddammit.

"And I'll try not to be scared anymore." And it... really wasn't working. Her stomach was roiling, and she was rubbing it with the palm of one hand. "I don't think I should have had that latte with Clark earlier."

"Do I disgust you?" Dominic asked, softly, without looking at her.

"No, you don't," she said honestly. "You just scare me. Because... I'm used to you being up and around and laughing or yelling at Charlie to get his ass in gear and bring you a cup of coffee. Not... not you moping and biting people's heads off and stuff."

"I won't anymore," Dominic said, firmly, turning now to see her through his eyelashes. "I'll be good. I promise."

She nodded. "You don't have to be good. Just... not this cranky bastard, either."

"I won't be." He said, quietly. "I'm going to sleep."

She nodded. "I'll stay until Lionel gets back, and I won't let him wake you up."

"Alright." He turned away again and closed his eyes, letting himself sink into the blankets to rest, not thinking about what was happening, let himself rest.

And he did. he fell asleep, there with Shayla holding his hand.

- = - = -

The beads in his ass weren't nearly the distraction he thought they'd be. In fact, once he'd gotten used to them, they really didn't intrude on his consciousness at all, because Lex wasn't a fidgeter. He didn't move and shift in his chair, therefore they didn't shift and bring attention onto themselves.

The beautiful silk stockings weren't the distraction either, and neither was the tight garter that was pressed against his skin by the slacks he was wearing.

The biggest distraction were his fucking shoes. They were made especially to wear with silk stockings, so they wouldn't run, and he hadn't worn them in years. They itched slightly, and were tighter than normal shoes, and they were distracting.

So he'd kicked them off. His lilac-stockinged feet were resting on the desk, the computer in his lap as he read, bald head cradled in one hand.

It was the first thing Chloe saw when she walked in. Lex, barefoot, his feet sitting on his desk...but not barefoot. Stockinged.

She didn't even bother trying to ask him about it.

Instead, she kept a palm to her belly, rubbing it soothingly as she walked across the room and levered herself into the chair across from him, comfortably, and kicked off her own shoes with a deep, happy sigh.

Lex looked up. "Knock knock. Hello, Chloe. Please, come in, make yourself comfortable. Thanks, Lex, I think I will. How are you doing? Just fine, thanks. You?" He didn't look up from the laptop.

"I knew you could take care of the pleasantries by yourself. Wanna tell me why you're in such a bad mood, now? By the way, nice stockings." Chloe answered, sweetly, eyebrow arched as she rubbed her tummy to calm her baby from doing flips.

Lex unconsciously wiggled his toes. "Clark picked them out."

"They're nice. I want to see them all later, when Whitney gets off work." She arched the other brow. "Unless you're planning on not talking to Clark."

"That actually depends on Clark and whether or not he's home, working, or intends to speak to me." Lex paused his scrolling on the report, marked his place with a digital flag, and closed the laptop as he tossed it back onto the desk.

She barely hid the smile. "Be a good ashimel and come rub my feet, will you? I can barely move them. As for Clark, he loves you, Lex. Give him time to cool down. What did you guys fight about this time?"

Lex swung his feet down and walked around the corner of his desk, settling onto his knees in front of Chloe and doing exactly what she requested, and rubbing her feet. His thumbs worked the soles of her feet, pressing up along the arches as he moved down to her heel. "I didn't tell him about my birthday passing last month."

She sighed...then squeaked, loudly. "You did what? Lex!"

"I didn't tell him that my twenty third birthday passed on July 11th," he clarified. "Don't you start," he added with a glare as he switched feet.

"Why didn't you? Is it cause you used to do bad stuff as a kid?" Chloe asked, eyebrow arched high as she watched him at her feet. He had magicians hands when it came to rubbing her aching toesies, and she sighed, in pleasure, as she wriggled them.

"That's one of the reasons, yes. Another of them being, my father doesn't remember, therefore it's not worth anyone else's time to remember, including mine. I just don't think that Clark sees it that way."

"No, he wouldn't," Chloe edged with care, eyebrow up as she listened to Lex. "Clark loves you, you know. He would have liked to celebrate, but if you didn't want to... why didn't you tell him, but tell him not to celebrate?"

"Because then, I get him feeling sorry for me, because I've never had a real birthday before, and he'll want to give me one and can't, and then I will feel bad because I won't let him do what he wants, and then I've got a whole other boatload of issues that I really don't need because honestly, I already have my own newsstand."

She tipped her head. "Clark's never had a real birthday either, did you know that?"

"With his parents? I find that difficult to believe. I envision homemade cakes with sugary icing, a hand-carved baseball bat, a new basketball, a new pair of shoes. Practical, yet fun."

She shook her head. "You got it wrong. He was adopted--they never knew when his birthday was. They never gave him a birthday party… they named a day in May as his birthday, for his records, but he didn't know it was in January until he linked with you and found out about himself."

Lex just shook his head. "But at least he had a day, Chloe."

"I'm not going to argue it with you, baby," She leaned down to cup his cheeks with one hand. "I'm just telling you, don't fight with him, kay? He didn't mean it, whatever it was he said. I know how you work, and I know you were hurt. Don't let it go on more than it has to, okay?"

Lex switched feet again, and then dropped them entirely when she leaned forward. "He said I am more like my father than he knew. And I don't think he meant that in the good way."

"He's been having problems with your stubborn ass dad lately." She grinned as she kissed his forehead. "Don't stew. Let him talk to you, or go talk to him."

Lex closed his eyes at the soft touch of lips on his forehead. "If he comes to talk to me, I won't turn him away. But I won't make the first move either."

"Stubborn." She murmured, but kissed him again before climbing to her feet. "We're all still going out to dinner tonight, right?"

"As far as I know, we are. We're just waiting for Whitney to get here, and then we'll decide. Although if Clark and I don't come to some sort of an accord, I'll stay here while you three go out, and meet you back here after dinner for dessert and non-alcoholic drinks," he said, stroking his hand over her stomach and resting his cheek there, listening to John moving around much as he had done with his mother and Julian.

Chloe looked down at him, gently stroking his cheek when he lay his head on her tummy, and said, "Shay went to get him. He went to the library. Please, Lex, try, okay?"

Lex sighed. "I always try. It just doesn't always work out."

She grinned anyway, stroking his ear gently. "Will my baby know about our link, Lex? Will he be linked too?"

"I don't know," he said. "I'd have to ask Clark's father about that. I think that he will be, but not nearly as closely as the four of us. Just as the children Clark and I have will be linked to you and Whitney."

"You have no idea how weird Clark having babies is," Chloe answered, smiling down at him and stroking his earlobe. "Come on. Give me a kiss, so I can go sit somewhere and take a nap."

Lex rose up from his crouch, straightening his back and moving his hands to gently cup her cheeks as he kissed her, softly but deeply as his thumbs brushed over her face, his eyes closed as he concentrated on feeling her skin under his touch.

She kissed him back, murmuring gently into the kiss as she did, and carefully, so carefully, stroked her fingers over his shoulders and neck. "I love you, ashimel."

"I love you, ashikana," Lex murmured in return, kissing her softly again and again, holding her as close as he could.

"Alright, alright, get off." Chloe teased, shoving him off of her with one more kiss, before she leaned over and grabbed her shoes. "I'm gonna nap in the library upstairs, mmkay?"

"You can sleep in the bedroom if you want," he offered, getting to his feet and helping her up. "You don't have to sleep on the couch in the library."

"Nah. I'm good." She shook her head and kissed his cheek. "I'll hopefully see you tonight, honey."

"I hope so too, Chloe." Lex pulled her up to her feet, and wrapped his arms carefully around her chest, between her breasts and her stomach. "And thank you."

"Sure." She smiled, hugging him gently, before shaking him off and walking on out of the office.

Lex let her go with a great deal of reluctance, then once she was gone, settled back behind his desk in lonely silence, putting his feet back up as he picked up his computer and started reading again.

 

 

-fin-

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