The Memoirs

Lionel was sitting in the hallway, Shane sleeping on his lap.  He would not admit it, not even to Dominic, but the little child was beginning to grow on him, especially with the thought of having one of his own with his lover.  He was listening to the little boy breathing, the slight gurgle in his chest as he breathed through a slight bit of congestion, and the little happy snores.  One large finger was trapped in one of Shane's tight little fists, and Lionel rubbed the closed fist with his thumb as he pressed a casual kiss onto Shane's hand.

 

Shayla was sitting out in the waiting room with the rest of the kids, conducting some sort of version of Simon says which included convincing the children to perpetrate felonies against their parents' wallets.

 

Lionel listened to the shrieks from the birthing room, wondering if his lover was regretting their decision to come along.

 

And Shaney was out cold. Cheek pressed into a warm thigh, snoring just a little with the runny nose, lips pursed in the universal baby pucker, and his fingers were tight around his handhold. It was warm, and moving, and it kept him asleep...dreaming dreams of his best friend and angels.

 

And he smiled, in his sleep.

 

Dominic gasped, opened the door to the birthing room, and stepped out. He had been told to get into scrubs and here he was, scrubby, eyes wide as he tugged the cap off his head and blinked. Okay. So. "She… ah. She told me she was going to tear my legs off and bash me in the head with them if I didn’t get out." He took shaky little steps and plopped heavily down on the chair beside his lover. "Wow. So… wow. Em."

 

Lionel laughed softly as he rocked Shane against him.  "I hear that's a common threat.  Lillian, genteel lady that she was, threatened to tear my head off and push it up my ass if I didn't stop patronizing her and let her have the baby in peace."  He pressed another soft kiss to the side of Shane's head and looked at his lover.  "You look... worn out.  Let me get you coffee; there's some in the lounge down the hall."

 

He tossed him an ever grateful grin, and held his arms out for the baby. "Lots of sugar. And milk. In fact, just bring me the container of sugar flavored with a few drops of coffee; that’s sure to get me through the night." And he smiled, offering his cheek to be kissed.

 

Shane was all but swimming in all the loving attention he was getting, even in sleep, and didn’t move a muscle as he snored.

 

Lionel gently deposited Shane in his lover's arms, and kissed him thoroughly.  His belly grew warm at the combination of the kiss from the man he loved, and the sight of his lover with a child.  "Coffee-flavored sugar it is," he proclaimed.  "I'll be back in a moment."

 

"Take your time. If you see any harried, hiding doctors, you know where they’re from." He smiled after him, gently coddling a stirring Shane and laying him in his lap, petting his back and gently moving his knees back and forth to get him back to sleep.

 

Lionel laughed softly.  The lounge was at the far end of the hall, and he passed through two sets of double doors to get to it, and made a beeline to the coffeemaker set against the wall.  He didn't take his lover literally, instead picking up a cup and filling it a quarter of the way with sugar, then sat it down as he waited for the coffeemaker to finish perking and produce the rich lifeblood of coffee.

 

After all these years, he was still fluid, still graceful. Lionel still had the athlete in those old bones, bones of which he'd never show were tired. Never. And to this day, Jonathan prized that.

 

He'd sat with the children, cold shoulder from his wife and come-ons from the seventeen year old girl until he'd had to escape. The coffee shop seemed the safest place to hide...but he hadn’t expected Lionel to come in and sit down at one of the small booths.

 

Never expected to walk over and slide in in front of him. "Hey... mind if I sit?"

 

Lionel looked up in surprise; he hadn't even realized that Jonathan had come along with them.  "Please do... we didn't have a chance to finish talking a few weeks ago."

 

He settled on the plastic seat comfortably, setting his cup of java (not in his bovine mug, but he'd had to make do) in front of him and lacing his fingers. "Crazy night, hmm? Didn’t expect to be spending Christmas Eve night in the hospital."

 

"Not at all, but I have learned to be flexible."  Lionel held his empty cup between his hands, staring at it.  Wondering where the sudden awkwardness had come from.  "Your wife and Dominic's mother seem to have hit it off; I heard she helped Dominic quite a bit while I was gone."

 

"Yeah...she spent a couple nights over there after he got sick. Made him soup, and all. Doctor said he's doin' fine, but I suppose he... he's already told you." A heavy swallow, and he looked down at his hands as well. "It was strange around here without you, Ly."

 

"No, he didn't tell me was sick."  A long stare.  "Jonathan... It was strange not to be around."

 

“Yeah." He stared down at his cup again, playing with the rim... trying not to watch him. He felt...it was almost panic. Like he was letting something he desperately needed go through his fingers. "I... h... how’s the family? You like them?"

 

"I'm ready to kill them all and bury them under the house," Lionel answered with a quiet snort of laughter.  "There's a few that I would let live, but most of them I'd do away with if I thought Dominic would let me.  Especially the child with the pink hair."

 

Alright... well, he had to chuckle too, and he let his eyes drift up over the ugly Formica. "She’s somethin', isn’t she? Seems enamored with my son and Lex." And he shifted again, the sudden image of them having sex burning his eye sockets. Jesus Christ. He really hadn’t needed to see that.

 

"And with me.  And with you.  And with anything, I believe, that walks and is male."  He looked up and met Jonathan's eyes.  "Jonathan... I know we haven't talked in a long time, but you know that if there is something troubling you..."

 

And he immediately looked down. "I know. It's... I’m just having a hard time right now."

 

"Do you want to talk about it?"  He put the cupful of sugar aside, and clasped his hands on the table in front of him.  "Jonathan?"

 

"Its complicated, Lionel. It's...these thoughts, have, have been running through my head." And he still couldn’t quite look at him. "They’ve been meshing around in there for a while now, but every time I think I'll have the courage to act on it, my bravery falters and I’m back at square one."

 

Lionel didn't pretend to misunderstand; he owed Jonathan that.  "About me?"

 

"Yes." Almost breathless, and he bit his lip, watching the brown liquid in his cup slosh around the Styrofoam. "I know you're with Dominic… I can see how much you care about him. But theirs this great part missing in my life... and I can't help feeling that it's you."

 

Lionel unclasped his hands and held one out to Jonathan.  "I will always be a part of your life, Jonathan.  We're friends, or I hope we are.  Our sons are involved; we will be seeing each other.  I will be in your life, believe me."

 

"But you won't." Softly, looking away, eyes shiny as he hid them. "You won't be in my life the way I want you to be. Holding you...I realized what I missed all that time."

 

Again, Lionel didn't pretend to misunderstand.  "We both missed a lot of things, Jonathan.  But we both found things elsewhere to make up for what we missed."  He clasped his hands back together when Jonathan didn't take it.

 

Because he couldn’t. He couldn’t take that warm palm, and expect to keep their relationship purely friendship. He couldn’t ask that of him, not here, not now. "I feel...I feel like we were cheated."

 

"We were," Lionel agreed quietly.  "But we have to admit that and move on with our lives, because we both have people whom we love that depend on us."

 

"I’m still in love with you, Lionel."  And… there it was. May God help him.

 

A long silence between them as Lionel digested that.  "I love you, Jonathan.  I will always care for you.  But that's all there can be."

 

This time he felt almost desperate, terrified, panicked beyond belief. "There has to be something more. Please, Lionel. Don’t say after all this time there is nothing."

 

"I'm not saying that, Jonathan."  Lionel's voice was very quiet, and he reached across the ugly plastic table to pick up Jonathan's clenched fists in his slightly larger hands.  "I'm simply saying that it's different from what it used to be."

He opened his hands, grasped.

 

What Lionel had just done was Jonathans own undoing. And he knew it. Because before he could stop himself, he was leaning over that ugly Formica, over their coffee and hands, and pressing his mouth hot and hard to the soft, giving lips he remembered. Memory, like it was yesterday, and he tasted and explored, ached for admittance into that warm cave where love waited, fingers clenching and holding tight to the ones in his palms.

 

Lionel closed his hands around Jonathan's and closed his eyes.  He felt the mouth against his, remembered the taste of Jonathan from years ago, and raised one hand to the side of Jonathan's face, cupping it gently as he opened briefly.

 

And he delved. His tongue pressed in, hot, claiming, asking for forgiveness and love. He dipped his tongue in and tasted what wasn’t his, coffee and sweet sugar, exploring as he coaxed the mouth under his to respond. To give him any type of sign. Fingers, then, on his face, and Jonathan tightened the remaining hand between both of his and rose it to his chest, where his heart beat.

 

Lionel left his hand over Jonathan's heart, feeling the trip hammer beat under his fingertips.  There was nothing in him to respond; there was no fire in his belly as there'd been with Dominic, nothing but a cold feeling of guilt that settled over his conscience as he dropped his hand from Jonathan's face and slowly pulled away.  "I'm sorry, Jonathan."

 

And the desperation tripled... but so did the mortification, and he lowered his head into his hands when Lionel pulled away from him. "I..."

 

Lionel's hand remained on Jonathan's chest.  "I know."

 

"Please...L...Lionel." His heart was broken. "Tell me you...there was anything."

 

Lionel's heart was breaking for Jonathan.  "Not what you wanted," he said softly.  "I remembered how you taste, and you still taste the same.  Your mouth is fuller, but... the feeling... just was not there.  I'm sorry."

 

He got up, abruptly, face flaming the same color his sons often did when he was mortified, and he quickly nodded. "I... I understand. I... I’m going to go check o-on the kids." And he turned and walked in the opposite direction.

 

"Jonathan, wait."  Lionel got to his feet and hurried after the other man. 

 

He stopped mid way out of the cafeteria...wishing Lionel could just… let him leave. He was so embarrassed, so upset and sad; but like a true Kent he kept it well hidden. "Yes?"

 

He watched the shoulders of the other man stiffen slightly, and he sighed.  "You realize that if circumstances were different... then we would be too?"

 

"If you didn’t have Dominic." Softly. "Does he make you happier then I did, Lionel?" And there it was, blunt honesty, and eyes that needed the answer.

 

"Yes... if I didn't have Dominic."  A pause.  "Not happier, Jonathan... as happy."

 

Then why, Lionel? Why can't we try again? If he cares for you, he'll wait." Almost desperate again, pleading with him. "I’m going insane; loosing my mind with wondering. I just want someone to care for. I love Martha, I love her a lot, but she... she never... not like you."

 

Lionel slowly approached Jonathan, and once more cupped Jonathan's face in his hand.  "Because we have different lives, Jonathan.  We are different people, and we have different feelings."

 

"I know I have no right. I’m sorry, Lionel, I don’t... I didn’t want to make you... I’m sorry. I know we have different lives, but we could mesh them, like we did once."

 

"Do you realize how lucky we were that they meshed to begin with?"  Lionel dropped his hand to Jonathan's shoulder.  "If it had not been for you, I would not have my son.  And he is something I would not trade for any other life that could have been.  If I hadn't been hiding from my feelings for you, then I never would have met Martha, and I wouldn't have Lex.  Would you trade Clark, Jonathan?  For any other life, would give up your son?"

 

"No." Without thinking, the love for his child more fierce then any other emotion inside of him. "God, no."

 

"But we'd lose everything, including our children, if we went back to what was."  A squeeze to Jonathan's strong shoulder.

 

"It..." Oh, God. The world crashed down on him, and he felt himself deflate, sagging against his own bones as the utter sadness filled him. He'd never have Lionel. Ever again. The love of his life, standing right there, with no way to get to him; not without breaking his child’s heart, not without hurting his wife’s feelings. For the sake of his family he would have to be unhappy.

 

But so was his lot in life, and had been for as long as he could remember.

 

"Yes. I understand... I’m sorry for throwing myself at you."

 

"You didn't do anything wrong, Jonathan."  He didn't like hurting this man who'd meant the world to him.  "I don't blame you for trying to take back what you want."  Another squeeze to his shoulder, and would have embraced him if he'd thought it would have been welcome.

 

"Yeah." And he pulled away. Doing what Lionel was renowned for. Tightening up, straightening, closing off. "I have to get back. Thanks, Lionel. For not letting me make a complete fool of myself."

 

"You're welcome."  He watched Jonathan shut himself off from the world, wondered if this is what the rest of the world saw of him.  "I am going to tell Dominic about this; I won't keep it from him."

 

"I’ve hurt you both again." Softly, eyes shifting away. "I don’t mean to."

 

"No, Jonathan.  You will not take this onto yourself.  We are both adults; we will weather this, just as we weather all difficulties."  Lionel's voice was stern.  "I won't have it, do you understand me?  I am an adult, I do not need someone else taking responsibilities for my actions."

 

"I’m almost forty five years old, Lionel. I’m not the kind of man who shares the fault, when it was my foolish action that started this. And..." He had to go. Out. Away. "I better get back."

 

"And nothing.  I'm nearly sixty; you don't think I could have walked away and stopped this discussion in its tracks before anything happened?  But you are my weakness, Jonathan, and I can't deny you.  The responsibility belongs to both of us."

 

A little smile, then. "You don’t look sixty." A pause, and his eyes moved up. "Ask Dominic about getting sick, he'll let you know. He's taking some medication still, or so Martha said. Don’t let him slack on it." A moment. "He's a good man. Don’t let him slip away."

 

"I don't intend to.  Don't let what you have with Martha slip through your fingers, Jonathan.  I know how happy she makes you, when you let her.  Let her make you happy again.  For my sake."

 

She’s not you. "I'll try. Thank you, Ly."

"Don't try.  Do it."  He knew what Jonathan was thinking, and hoped that Jonathan would realize how good for him Martha was.  "You're welcome, Jon."

 

And with that, he turned, and was gone.

 

Lionel picked up the empty cup of sugar and considered hurling it at the wall, but instead added two more spoons of sugar and filled it from the coffeepot, stirring it well and adding a healthy splash of milk before putting a lid on it and heading back towards his lover.

 

And there he sat. He'd moved to sit on the floor, Indian style, Shane lying on his lap face up, arms all spread, snoring. Dominic’s head lay back against the wall, eyes closed, and he appeared to be dozing… or just getting to sleep.

 

The feeling of guilt settled over him again, and Lionel knelt beside his lover, putting the coffee safely on the table beside Dominic as he picked up Shane.  "Dominic?" he said softly, hand on his shoulder.  "I'm back with your coffee."

 

A soft shift... and his big green eyes flickered open...sniffling and sighing as he woke back up and watched him blearily pick Shane back up. "Than's 'loved." Mutter, and instead of getting the coffee, he lay his head on Lionel’s shoulder and closed his eyes again.

 

More heartache as he cradled the boy.  His lover's head on his shoulder, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss Dominic but couldn't.  Not with the taste of Jonathan still in his mouth.  "Dominic..."

 

"'leepy, baby." Another mumble, and he brought his knees up to his chest, curling in closer, table on one side, Lionel on the other. What was bad about this?

 

He closed his eyes, and pressed a chaste kiss on the side of his lover's face.  "Please.  I need you."

 

That roused him. He let his blood shot eyes open, and he rose his head to his lover's face, peering at him. "Lionel? Wha's wrong baby?"

 

He looked around, seeing the other family members minding their own business.  "I need to talk to you, Dominic... now.  In private."

 

Oh, God. He was awake now, as much as he could be in his present tense, and he got to his feet with a slight oomph. Offered his hands down to Lionel with the baby, and frowned very softly.

 

Lionel took his hand and rose carefully, Shane cradled against his shoulder.  "Who else is awake enough to take care of the baby?"

 

He plucked Shane softly from his shoulder, and handed him to Megan, who was reading a magazine. "We'll be back."

 

An eye roll up at him but she accepted the baby who'd been asleep the whole time, cradling him and reading on.

 

"Thank you."  He looked over at his lover.  "Come on.  Let's talk.  Let's find somewhere to talk."

 

"I’m right behind you." Softly, watching him, trying to read his emotions on his face but....Lionel was keeping them hidden. Oh god.

 

The coffee shop was an absolute NO, but on the other side of the coffee shop was a quiet, outdoors courtyard where no one else was around.  It was separated by brick walls on three sides, and had a small door into the coffee shop and a separate entrance from the ward.  Lionel made a beeline for the sky-lighted courtyard.  It was cool but not cold outside, and he walked to the far side, staring blankly at the wall for a long moment.

 

He followed; wrapping his arms around himself, though his sweater kept him warm under the scrubs. Lionel... he never acted like this. Had he done something wrong? Was he pressuring his lover into something he didn’t want? Was he angry to be spending Christmas in the hospital? "Its... its a beautiful night."

 

"It should be, but it's not."  Lionel turned around and looked at Dominic.  "Jonathan was in the lounge when I went for coffee."

 

...Oh, dear god. But he kept his face carefully blank. "Ahh. Did you both talk a bit?"

 

"Talk... yes."  Lionel scrubbed his face with his hands.  "Dominic... he is still in love with me."

 

He was a strong man; considered himself so. And he watched him, not letting his eyes deviate. "Of course he is. Look at you. Kind and sweet and funny. What’s not to love, here?"

 

"No."  Lionel walked towards his lover.  "In love.  He... asked me to leave you.  Be with him instead.  He kissed me, Dominic."

 

Silence. For a few, long moments. Love. Leave. Kissed. The three words he never thought he'd hear from Lionel’s mouth, but three words he secretly knew would come some day. Who could love him? Really? No one ever had, and he hadn’t really expected Lionel to either. Foolish little boy, thinking that this man could ever care for you. "A… and what... did you say?"

 

"I told him no, because I was in love with you, and that you were my life."  Lionel remained standing.  "I think it broke his heart, but... the feeling simply wasn't there.  I love you, Dominic... not him."

 

"You...you let him kiss you."

 

"Yes."  He didn't try to explain or excuse it, because there wasn't one. 

 

"Did you wonder, Lionel? That perhaps there was something there? Is that why you let him? And did you bring me out here, instead of waiting till we got home, so I wouldn’t make a scene?" His arms were crossed tightly across his chest, and he took a few steps back.

 

"No.  I didn't wonder.  I knew.  But he is my weakness, Dominic.  You know how I loved him; I couldn't deny him."  A deep breath.  "I told you here, now, because I couldn't stand to look at you with this on my shoulders.  I wanted to kiss you, when I saw you sleeping, and I couldn't because I still tasted him in my mouth.  You can make a scene here; I don't care about that.  I told you here and now, because I can't bear to keep it from you."

 

"I’m not going to make a scene. Here, or anywhere else. I respect you too much for that. But this is the second time, Lionel. The second time since we began seeing one another on a private level that you've come into contact with Jonathan and came to me to apologize for what you'd done with him." All very quiet and composed, watching him...and suddenly, he felt his heart bleed. "He is your weakness, yes. That we can both agree on."

 

"He knows now, Dominic."  Quiet.  "He knows now that he can't come between you and me, that he can't defeat what I feel for you."  A deep sigh.  "He will always be my weakness, Dominic.  I will always give him what he asks me for.  But he knows now, he can't have me."

 

"This was your first night home, Lionel. Your first night, after being gone almost three weeks, and we came here to the hospital still warm from our bed...and you let that man kiss you." It was tearing him apart inside, and he fought to look somewhere else as he spoke.

 

"It wasn't intentional.  I didn't set out for this to happen.  But it did."  He caught Dominic's eyes with his own and refused to let him look down.  "I didn't seek Jonathan out, Jiminy.  He came to me.  I know what I should have done, but I could no more deny him than I could you."

 

"Perhaps you should look deeper, Lionel. Look into what you and he had, and might once again have. I don’t want to stand in the way of you, of what you could have, and what could make you happy. You care for me, but you had almost a year with Jonathan. To have that love again after all these years could be a sign." He nodded, uncrossing his arms and sliding his hands into his pocket in a sign of nonchalance he didn’t feel. "You should look, and see. Because being unable to deny someone when you're with someone else is a sure sign of that." He looked away, and swallowed. "I would never want to stand before a love you could have."

 

"Dominic... where am I?"

 

"Standing in the cold."

 

"And who am I with?"

 

"Me."

 

"And why am I here, instead of inside with a man who still loves me?"

 

"Because you feel guilty, and want to make sure I’m not angry. I’m not."

 

"Because this is where I want to be.  I want to be here, with the man I am in love with.  Not the man from my past."

 

"Even if he could give you more? Even if he could make you feel young again, and give you a thousand things I never could, Lionel? Why are you being pig headed?" He frowned at him, softly. "You said yourself he's your weak spot. After all these years, that has to mean something."

 

"There's nothing that he could give me, Dominic... not when I would lose so much more."  He stepped closer.  "Not when I would lose you... my son... my happiness, my family.  There is nothing that he could give me that would compare to how I feel every minute I wake up beside you."

 

And Dominic took a step back. "I… I don’t want you near me right now, please." He swallowed hard and looked away. "Life is about losing some and gaining some. You wouldn’t loose Lex, or Clark, or your business. You'd be happy with Jonathan. I’m just asking you to explore this, Lionel, and I'll tell you why. I love you. I love you so much that it hurts inside me, like it is right now, bleeding all over my chest. And this, with Jonathan, I overlooked the first time. And the second time, I’m looking over it and giving you a chance to be with him. But...." Softly, but sternly. "There will be no third time, Lionel. I love you, but Id rather cut out my own heart then wonder if you're wondering if you'd be happier with someone else."

 

Lionel stopped in his tracks, and then took a step back.  "I would lose everything, Dominic, because you are everything to me."  He raised his hand and slid his family crest off, slipping it on his right pinky instead and sliding the ring off.  "You decide, Dominic."  He held the ring out to his lover.  "And I'll do whatever you say."

 

"I know that, Lionel. I know how deeply you care for me, and you know how I feel about you. But I can't...I can't have Jonathan hanging over our heads. I can't...I can't have that nagging wonder all the time. I want you to do what’s right in your heart, and I will respect you and be by your side through the whole way." But he did take the ring, folding his fingers over it and clasping it over his heart...because it was...to him, it felt like his lover was giving up their bed, was deciding to try this with Jonathan. And damned if he would show anything other then a brave face right now.

 

"Ly the baby is--" Jonathan stopped mid step out on the softly lit porch, and visibly winced at the scene before him. The misery on both men's faces, and he blinked a little and shrank back. "I’m sorry to have bothered you."

 

"It's no problem at all. We were just finishing up." Dominic turned, looked at his lovely once more, and stepped through the door, past Jonathan and back down the hall...where his family was celebrating. And he felt like… like cutting his own heart out with a rusty knife.

 

As Dominic took the ring from his hand, Lionel felt as though a piece of him was being ripped away.  He'd hoped that Dominic--hoped that Dominic would have put the ring back on his hand and accepted him.  But he hadn't.  And part of him couldn't blame his lover; he'd known from the beginning that he'd fuck things up and end up hurting himself and Dominic both.  He couldn't speak; his words had completely deserted him as he watched Dominic close the ring away in his hand.

 

"Jonathan."  Lionel didn't say anything else, just pushed by him.  He had to leave.  Didn't know where he was going, but it didn't matter.  What mattered is that he was gone.  His coat was in the waiting room, but his keys were in the pocket and he pulled them out.  He nearly dropped them as he wove towards the elevators, dodging the knots of people, the happy parents cradling children he'd never have the chance to have.

 

The cold air whistled through the parking deck as he got off the elevator, but Lionel didn't feel the cold.  And then he cursed.  His car was home.  At the mansion, as was Dominic's Jaguar.  But Enrique had driven one of the sedans, and he dug through his key ring until he found the keys for that one.  Heading towards it, Lionel slammed the door behind him and the engine roared to life as he spun a black cloud of smoke, laying rubber on his way out.

 

 

~ * ~ * ~

 

 Jonathan wasn't sure which was colder; the blast of air from the small courtyard, or the attitude that Lionel had cloaked himself in as he'd pushed past him with barely an acknowledgement.  It had hurt, more than a little, but the biggest pain he felt was seeing the agony etched on Lionel's face.  He couldn't bring himself to look Dominic in the eye as he tried to slide out of his notice and over to his wife, who had spilled out into the waiting room with the rest of Dominic's family.  "Martha?" he called out quietly, already searching for his coat on the chair that had been designated the coat rack.  "Martha!"

 

Dominic was watching him, out of the corner of his eye. He gave Riley congratulatory hugs, pet the weeping females of his family on the shoulders, held his mama while she bawled on his shoulder. And as he was so good at, he set his face in a smile and made it seem like he was overjoyed. He was happy for his sister in law, thrilled she'd made it through the birth just fine, but as for happy...he was far from happy.

 

He had just given the love of his life permission to step out of their relationship… and see Jonathan.

 

Jonathan. Jonathan knew how he cared for Lionel, and vice versa. He knew that they had a special relationship going; just as he knew that it wasn’t his place to step into it and ruin Martha, Clark, and Lionel’s lives, as well as his own.

 

He was...desperately infuriated. His temper was very mild, but when it came out, there was nothing he could do to reign it back in. "Jonathan."

 

Jonathan turned from trying to get his wife's attention as he shrugged into his coat.  "Dominic... are you going after him?  Because if you're not, then I will.  If you're... if you're fool enough to let that man get away from you, I'm not."

 

He stepped away from his family to the more deserted part of the hall, where Jonathan had been heading. "You stole away the love of my life." Almost dazed, quietly, watching him with deceptively dead eyes.

 

"I didn't steal anything, Dominic.  Lionel was the love of my life long before you came into the picture."  He shifted his weight.  "He turned me down.  Because of you.  Because of how much he loves you.  He wants his life to be with you and not me.  But... I ask you again, are you going to let him go like that?"  He pulled his coat around, and hunted for keys to a truck that wasn't even in the hospital parking lot.  "Because I won't."

 

The second time in a months time, and he couldn’t control himself. Things were almost better when he had a busted arm.

 

His arm pulled back, and he let his fist fly. He connected with bone, something crunched under way, and goddamn if it didn’t feel insanely good. He reached back and did it again, and once more, snarling darkly as hospital orderlies came rushing towards them. "I gave him a choice. You, or me. Because I don’t want him to be unhappy, and don’t you ever fucking think I just gave him away, especially not to you."

 

Jonathan was shocked to feel the fist connecting with his nose first, and then his jaw.  He felt his nose break, felt his jaw shift, and he snarled as he swung back.  "He made his choice, dammit!  He chose you!"  And Jonathan was so, so angry about that.  But he couldn't bring himself to hurt the man that Lionel loved.  "I'm going after him."

 

"You were just waiting for your chance." he reached for his arm, not aware of the orderlies, his family, the doctors...no one. "You were waiting for this to happen, so you could make your move. Is that it? Am I right? Because I don’t see any other reason for you to do this to us unless you bloody well planned it. And here I thought you were a noble man. Here I didn’t break your face when I found you both in the study. Those things just changed, Jonathan. I swear to god if I see you near him again without his consent, I will kill you. Make no mistake."

 

Jonathan looked up at Dominic, studying him hard.  "I didn't plan anything, Dominic.  I saw a chance, and I took it.  I had to.  You've got him, Dominic.  You've got the--the man I will always love, you've got the family with him, you've got the life with him I should have had and didn't.  I had to know, I needed to know if there was still a chance.  You can't know how it felt when I leaned over that table and kissed him and realized that there was nothing coming back."

 

Heart. Smashes. In pieces. "I understand, I do. But I have loved this man for the last twelve years of my life, and you just...you walked in, and you ruined what we'd just begun. You ruined it, because now he can never look at me the same way, knowing you're there, and that you still care. He'll look at me and feel guilt. Do you see it? Do you realize what you've done? Now, not only are you unhappy, but he is, and I am, and Martha, and Clark. How could you be so selfish?"

 

Jonathan shook his head.  "You don't know him.  You love him but you don't know him.  When he... when he loves someone, he loves them totally, no room for anything or anyone else."  Jonathan shook Dominic.  "I tried.  I admit it, I tried.  I wanted--want--Lionel back.  But I'll never have him again.  I offered it, Dominic.  Myself, what we had, I offered everything to him, and he walked away.  Back to you.  And the last thing he said to me was, he was going to tell you.  Because he didn't want anything coming between the two of you.  Don't you get it, I want him so much it kills me to look at him, but he is yours and I hate you for it."

 

"Fuck you. Stay away from me." But his words lacked rancor. All he felt was terrible sadness, and he yanked himself free and turned... and slowly, walked away.

 

"Megan, I’m going home."

 

Her eyes had been wide, mouth silent along with the rest of her family as she watched her brother fight with Clark’s father over--Lionel?--and swallowed just a little. "Morgan, do you--"

 

"No." Short. To the point. He walked past her, and started down the hall without looking back.

 

Jonathan leaned back against the wall, head in his hands.  Physical pain filled his brain from his nose and his jaw while another kind of pain flooded his chest and he fought to breathe through it.  What have I done?

 

~ * ~ * ~

 

Lionel had been driving like a bat out of hell on the freeway to Metropolis for the last half hour.  He wasn’t sure where he was going--the penthouse had seemed like the logical destination until visions of Dominic tied down, kissing and touching his lover’s bound body swam in his head--and now he was simply driving.  Aimlessly, but like a bat out of hell.

 

He never even saw the patch of black ice that caught his front tires and sent him spinning into the concrete retaining wall.

 

~ * ~ * ~ 

 

Graham kissed Marie on the forehead and broke away from the group, planting himself in front of his brother's path.  "I know you're not going to tell me no, little brother."

 

"No. I know you're going to let me walk away with dignity and respect, because you are my brother and you would never deny me that." Slick, cool, and he side stepped him. He'd grabbed his jacket on the way and now had the long three quarters coat on, hands going deep into the two pockets as he walked.

 

Graham inclined his head, watching his brother disappear.  "You'll get your exit, but you'll not get farther than that.  You can either walk with me to the end of the hallway and talk, or you can watch me chase you down and sit on your chest like I did when you were five.  It's your choice.  And don't feed me that line of bullshit about respect because we're your family, and you know we're on your side."

 

He inclined his head right on back. His back straight, head held high, a new, flowering bruise to match the one Lex had given him on his jaw. But he had pride. And dignity, and self respect. Dammit. So he walked with his brother until they both stepped into the elevator at the end of the hall... and he visibly sagged, looking down at the floor. "You couldn’t sit on me anyway, your knees crunch too much when you get down."

 

Graham didn't say anything as he wrapped his arms around his sagging brother.  "So I'll put my foot on you instead."  One hand moved to thump his stomach.  "I still got more here than you do."  He pulled Dominic's head into his shoulder.  "We're all behind you, Morgan.  You want to tell me what's up?"

 

"You always were a fat bastard." Softly, and he let his brother embrace him, hands still buried in his pockets and his head set firmly against the strong, good shoulder that was the best place on the entire planet. "Nothing much. Just, you know, ruined the best thing in my life."

 

Graham swallowed hard.  "Something happen with Lionel?"  The answer had to be yes, he knew, he just didn't know how the Kent man figured into it.

 

"Yeah. What’s new, right? Just me, little Morgan, screwing everything up as is per usual. Things cant go well in my life, Graham. Ever. Everything is a goddamn struggle." He let his throat work at the lump that sat there. "How’s Marie? And the baby? I didn’t even get to see." He looked up. "I ruined Marie's happy day. Oh, God. Tell mama I’m so sorry."

 

"Hush.  Don't worry about Marie; she and Riley have no idea what's going on in the world outside of their new little baby."  He held his brother tightly.  "Mama won't say anything, Morgan.  I'll make sure of it; I'll take care of you, little brother."  He sighed.  "You want me to take you home?  We got the van, and we're all going to be packing in soon."  He had to ask.  "Morgan... do you still love him?"

 

"Yes." Softly, as the elevator beeped. He rose his head again but stayed close to the shield his brother had always been for him, walking off the elevator… holding it open for a doctor and patient as they stepped in. The ER was busy, and the nurse gave them a cheery wave as they walked past. ...They had been quite an entourage running in, but regardle--

 

He blinked at Ellie, and reached over the nurses station to pick her up from the woman’s lap. "What exactly are you doing down here, madam?"

 

"I was helpin'!" A little squeal. "I got ta eat chocolate and help color papers!"

 

"She got left behind in all the hubbub. It didn’t help she hid in the waiting room, either." The kindly nurse smiled at them. "We've taken good care of her. We knew she'd get missed eventually."

 

Graham smiled.  "Thank you, very much.  We tried to keep everyone together."  He put his arm around Dominic's shoulder.  "Come on; let's take her back to her Mama and then we can decide what we're going to do with you."  He'd gotten the answer he expected from Dominic, and he asked the next question quietly.  "Do you think he still loves you?"

 

He pulled Ellie up onto his hip and smiled at her, not answering his brother and instead talking to her. "What have you been doing down here, beautiful?"

 

"Nuuuuuffin. Mama say I was gonna get a spankin', so I hided, and then everyone was gone!" She spread her hands and shrugged her shoulders in a questioning manner. "So I tolded the nice lady and she gave me chocolate." Sudden little look to Graham, and her chin dimpled as her lashes fluttered. "It okay I eat chocolate, Unca Beardy?"

 

"Course it is, precious."  He leaned over Dominic's shoulder and rubbed his full, bristly beard against her sweet little cheek.  "If your Mama gets mad, tell her I said it was okay."  He looked back up at his brother.  "We're not done here yet, Morgan."

 

She squealed and grabbed his face, hugging it to her a moment before offering her arms and making little 'uh" noises to be picked up. "Who's not done? Can I be done? I miss Unca Weirdy Pants. Did Annie Marie had the baby?"

 

He shrugged at Graham, and took the van keys from his hand as he passed over Eleanor. "I'll get the car started."

 

"Morgan Dominic Senatori, halt."  Graham nestled Ellie close.  "His name is Lionel, sweetie, and I'm sure he just went home to get some sleep.  And yes, your Auntie Marie had the baby.  A pretty little baby girl, though she's not as pretty as you."

 

"Linyel is nice." A serious nod, as she watched her uncle give her other uncle orders, and found it insanely funny, and giggled helplessly. "I like babies. They’re fun to poke."

 

He turned back, looked at his brother...the fingers in his pocket wrapped tightly around the ring Lionel had given him without a qualm. "What?"

 

"You can't poke the baby, Ellie, you'll make her cry."  He looked over at Dominic.  "You're not driving."  He held his hand out for the keys, wiggling his fingers.  "And you're not disappearing on me, either."

 

Dammit if Graham didn’t know him. He surrendered the keys without another word, growling darkly and looking away. "I wasn’t going to disappear." Just go to the nearest bar and get filthy drunk.

 

Graham snorted.  "And if you think I am going to buy that, then you forgot who raised you, little brother."  The keys went safely back in his pocket.  "Come on.  I'll protect you."

 

"I don’t need your protection. ....Were you talking to me or Ellie?"

 

"I wan' your protesion!" A serious nod, linking skinny arms around his huge neck are hanging on tight.

 

The back of his knees hit a bench, and he plopped down miserably. "I'll wait here."

 

"Ellie."  Graham smiled.  "From the spanking her Mama promised.  But... you know you've always got mine, Morgan."  He hugged Ellie, and then swung her around as she held onto his neck.  "And you, little princess, let's go find your Mama before she shaves me bald."  A look down at his brother.  "You want me to send you some company back?"

 

"No."

 

"If you're not here when I get back, you're not too old to go over my knee, young man."  Graham hefted Ellie in his arms and started back down the hallway.  "Come on, your Mama's waiting."

 

She squealed and held on tight, holding tight of his neck and letting her uncle hold onto her. "Granny doesn' like bald people! Granny says that Lessy is a "crib robber". What’s a crib robber, Unca Beardy?"

 

...Which only made him think of Lionel, and their first night in their penthouse, and he fought for composure. Never again. They'd never make love again, because Dominic knew, deep in his heart, that Lionel would find love in Jonathan again. And really, what did Dominic have that Jonathan didn’t? Jonathan was strong, robust, nearer Lionel’s age. They'd had love before. It all fit...he'd just been stupid enough to think they'd never go back to one another.

 

"You should ask your Mama that question, little princess," Graham teased.  "But I'm not gonna tell you that.  All I'm gonna say is you shouldn't repeat everything your Granny says, cause sometimes she's wrong." 

 

The doors opened, and Graham nearly saw red.  Shayla was hovering over Jonathan, and Lindy was talking to Mrs. Kent, obviously upset.  "Lindy?  I've found something that I think belongs to you."  He set Ellie down on the floor, and then moved over to Shayla and grabbed a handful of pretty pink hair and dragged her back a few steps.  "I thought you'd already had this discussion with Megan?" he snarled quietly.  "Or didn't you realize that your brother just had a fight with this man?"

 

"Back off, Graham!  Morgan busted his nose and his jaw and nobody else seems to care!"

 

Graham shoved her towards the elevator and the hallway.  "You go and talk to Morgan.  You don't let him leave.  If he does, it's your ass over my knee and you won't sit for a week, do you get me?"  All trace of gentle amusement was gone from his voice as he shoved his sister around, ignoring Jonathan.

 

Martha hadn’t even looked at her husband through this entire ordeal. All she knew was that he had kissed Lionel, Lionel hadn’t reciprocated, and Dominic had found out. She was mortified, embarrassed, fatigued. And all she wanted to do was go home.

 

Megan was sitting in a big chair with Shane, who was drinking from a warm bottle she'd made in the small kitchenette off the room, and was blinking at everyone.

 

Where on earth was his best friend? Shane'd cried till he could cry no more, wailing for him to come and get him and hug him and make things better, but...no bestest friend. Just his angry dad, and his sad aunties, and wow.

 

Rosalyn was sitting beside Martha, rocking one of the younger ones in the rocking chair.  "Don't you worry, Martha.  I may not know much, but I know that you're just as strong as I am.  I see a lot of myself in you, and I made it through.  You will too.  You're part of this family now, don't you know?  We've all adopted you."  She looked at her daughter for confirmation.

 

~ * ~ * ~

 

"Caucasian male, 50-60 years of age, serious head and chest trauma incoming!" called in the dispatcher, and the ER went into overdrive.  "Possible throat trauma, trach tube in place, BP erratic, pulse erratic.  No arrhythmia, clean sinus rhythm.  Set up Trauma Room 2 stat, ETA ten minutes." 

 

Megan merely took the older woman’s hand, squeezed it tight, and nodded without saying a word. "Most definitely, Mrs. Kent. You’re kind and sweet. We love kind and sweet, as we tend to lack that in our family."

 

Shane gave a burp of confirmation.

 

 

~*~*~

 

Slender, dark hair piled on her head, and Dr. Braxton’s eyebrows furrowed. She'd been sent in to Metropolis to do a bit of case study work in the ER, and Metropolis General, at this late hour, was seriously lacking any doctors other then first year med students. And since she was a four year resident... dammit. "Alright, let’s get the emergency carts set up. I have privileges, so I'll help you as much as I can, okay?"

 

A pimply twenty something nodded frantically, terrified out of his mind...and he looked it.

 

~*~*~

 

 

Shayla peeked around the corner, and the misery in her brother's entire carriage almost broke her heart.  Despite the attitude, she loved Morgan dearly, and she shuffled her feet down the corridor.  "Morg?"

 

He glanced up, blinked. Of anyone, the last he expected to see was his tiny sister. "I thought I told Graham to leave me the hell alone." But he scooted over a little, for her.

 

She plopped down beside him.  "In case you ain't noticed, I ain't big, I ain't brawny, and I ain't hairy."  She nudged his shoulder with her own.  "Wanna talk?  Graham got kinda testy with me when he got upstairs, said I should come talk to you?"  She couldn't help herself; she slid her arm around his shoulder.  "Who do I gotta kill, big brother?"

 

Lindy turned when Graham called her.  "Eleanor!!  Where the he--where have you been!"  She raced over and picked up her daughter.  "And where's Morgan?"

 

"Morgan's taking a little time alone right now.  Shayla's with him.  They're fine."  He shrugged his shoulders, and glared at Jonathan, standing alone down at the end of the corridor.

 

Rosalyn squeezed Martha's hand back.  "It will all work out."

 

"Shayla, promise me one thing." Dominic reached over and tugged her close, pulling her against the long line of his body. "When you finally start seeing someone, a real someone, someone you think you could begin to care for... don’t ever let him hurt you. Don’t ever let him let you go. And if you ever need to let him go...you'll know he truly loves you if he comes back looking for you. Alright?"

 

"He with the nurses. Dey nice. Dey gave me pens to color!" She beamed at her mother.

 

"All right, Morgan.  I promise."  Shayla hugged him back tightly.  "Did that old bastard hurt you?  Did he leave you?  I'll kick his ass if he did, you're the best thing that's ever happened to the old goat!!" 

 

"That's good.  Ellie, I was so worried you'd gotten lost!  Don't ever hide like that again!"  Lindy hugged her daughter tightly.  "You want to see Auntie Marie and the new baby?"

 

Dominic couldn’t help a tiny smile, shaking his head at her and rubbing her cheek with his thumb as he lay back against the wall.

 

Shayla tightened her grip on her brother.  "Morgan?  What did... what did Jonathan have to do with this?  Graham... nobody was trying to help him... so I was, and Graham... he acted like I was betraying you or something.  I just... he was nice to me and I felt sorry for him.  What's going on, Morgan?  I don't... I don't understand."  She curled up on the bench beside him, suddenly being the scared kid she was.

 

He blinked, suddenly. "Shayla… what did you say about protecting Jonathan? Taking care of him?" He sent his eyes down at her, and they were dark and unreadable.

 

Shayla dropped her eyes.  "He--his nose.  You broke it.  And you did something to his jaw.  I--I got him some ice, and I was trying to help him cause nobody else was."

 

Dominic let go of her, and folded his hands in his lap. He couldn’t be angry with her for helping Jonathan, but... dammit. He wouldn’t let the actions of a sweet seventeen year old girl hurt him. "Yes, I understand. You did good, Shayla."

 

"Morgan, please... what's going on?"  She could tell by the way he'd withdrawn from her that she'd done something wrong, even though he was saying she'd done something right.  "I don't get it... don't treat me like a kid, just tell me."

 

"Its a bit complicated, darlin'." A little nod, and he took her hand in his, squeezing it. "You're a sweet girl, no matter what anyone says, you hear me?"

 

"I am not sweet."  But she squeezed his hand back, as hard as she could.

 

"You are. Sweet and good, and you will be for the rest of your days. Anyone who doesn’t see it is a fool."

 

"Morg... you're gonna ruin my reputation."  She leaned back over and laid her pink head on his shoulder.  "I'll stop being nice to him if he hurt you."

 

"No, please don’t. He wasn’t mean… we're just very confused right now. Things from the past are sometimes hard to forget, no matter how dearly you care for someone." He nodded, and accepted her pink hair, it a startling contrast to the navy blue-black of his coat.

 

"He didn't tell me to get lost like everyone else did.  He was nice to me, Morg... I was just trying to be nice to him.  And... he looked so sad... like you look now.  Like his heart was just breaking."  She hugged him tightly again.  "I love you, big brother.  I'll make sure things are good again.  I'll be good."

 

"You are good. See? What did I just tell you? You've a good heart in that tattooed chest of yours." He linked his fingers with hers and set them on his leg, almost hugging them. "You help keep perspective on things." And he kissed her cheek. "Would you go tell Graham to get his fat ass moving? I don’t want to stay here any longer."

 

"You sure you'll be okay here by yourself?"

 

"Of course. No big bad out to bite me."

 

"Okay."  She hugged him again, and threw a look over her shoulder at him as she rode up the elevator, and then ran towards the cluster of her family and grabbed Lindy and Graham both.  "Graham, Morgan says move your fat ass cause it's time to go home."  Then she turned to Lindy.  "You gotta talk to him, Lind.  I'm really really worried about him."

 

Lindy looked over and up at Graham, who met her eyes with a quiet shake of his head.  "Of course I will, dear.  But let's get home first, before we bombard him with questions."

 

"All right.  I'll go pull the van around if you'll help round everyone else up."  He glared at Shayla.  "And you stay away from him."  No need to elaborate who him was.

 

"Morgan said he needed someone to be nice to him."  He hadn't in those exact words, but they were close enough.

 

Lindy put her hand on Shayla's shoulder.  "He's got a wife, Shayla.  He'll be all right.  Come with me, Ellie's been asking for you."  She met Graham's eyes again as she slipped her arm around her younger sister's waist.

 

"I'll get Dominic on my way out."  He took the keys out of his pocket and went back down the elevator to find Dominic on his bench.  "I was summoned?  Something about being told to move my fat ass?" he teased, jingling the keys in front of Dominic's eyes.  "Come on.  Lindy and Shayla are marshalling the troops and we're in charge of the car."

 

"Oh, dear god. The entire troop? Jesus. We might as well hike." But he climbed to his feet, still in the light blue scrubs over his clothing, and walked with him out of the double doors. The air was freezing but fresh, and he breathed it in deeply for a few long moments as he walked beside his brother. "Isn’t that beautiful? The air is so clean here. I didn’t think Id be able to move to Smallville, where everything’s so...Small. But, I’m finding why Lex enjoys it so much here."

 

"Yeah, it is a great place.  It's not Vancouver, but it'll do."  A small smile played over his lips.  " Might not be a bad place to live.  I know Mama wants to stay, and if she does, then I'll probably be looking down here in a few months.  After Mindy... died, I asked Mama to come live with me, because she's not as young as she used to be.  I wouldn't be comfortable living that far away.  And Shane... I think Shane would like growing up here, where everybody knows everybody else."

 

Dominic looked over at him, and he gave his brother a small smile. "I would really like that. Mama, and you, and Shayla. It would be good to have family about. I miss the commotion and the hubbub and the threats on my life." He glanced up. "It would give you a chance to start over, Graham cracker. Shaney would do good in the schools here; Martha told me they’re wonderful. You could get a farm... a million things."

 

Graham considered.  "A farm.  Can't you see me, Farmer Graham?"  He snorted as they wended their way through the parking deck, passing the empty space where the sedan had parked beside them without a word.  "A few cows, some corn, some apple trees, and a mud hole for Shane to play in."  He pressed the key chain, and the alarm on the van turned off as the headlights flashed.  "I just might look around while I'm here, if I find out Mama's serious.  At least she'd be living with me and not you," he offered with a half grin, climbing into the passenger seat.

 

"Oh, Mama's serious." He walked right where Lionel might have walked, and oh, God. The little strength he'd gathered was slowly seeping out of him. "She wants to make sure Lionel takes care of me. I don’t need him to take care of me, but you know mama." A moment. "Watching Shane grow up would be...Graham, consider it. Its a lovely town, no strange happenings, good schools and beautiful nature. Its the perfect place for a mountain man like yourself."

 

Graham slid across the seat and pulled Dominic into the seat beside him.  "Tell you what.  After Christmas, you and me and Shaney will look around, see what we can find that might work for us.  See if there's a farm for sale."

 

"We've always been dreamers." Soft chuckle, as he settled in. "Remember the time we wanted to open our own carpeting business?"

 

"Yeah, I remember."  He cranked the van and waited for the heat to warm up the interior.  "Maybe I might still do that, since I'm going to be starting over."

 

"Starting over is good." Softly, and here, in the dark, with the heater blowing on him, he could let the lump grow in his throat, could let his masculinity fall in the face of his brother, and he lay his head back as his voice got darker and huskier. "Starting over is very good. You get to begin a new life, with new people and a new place."

 

"You can always start over with me," Graham offered softly.  "Soon as I get the place in Vancouver sold, I'll be down here.  Shouldn't be long, a couple of months.  While I'm working up there, you can scout down here for a new place to start the business.  And instead of a farm, I'll go with a house."  He clapped an arm around his brother's shoulder.  "I'm flexible.  But you gotta be sure you're willing to throw your career and everything else you've worked for away."

 

"I’m willing to throw my career away for you, Graham." Just as quietly, glancing over. "You are my dearest brother, and I love you. But I cant...I cant throw Lionel away. I cant. But, hey, who knows. He may end up throwing me away. You never rightly k...know." He straightened his voice before it cracked, clearing it softly.

 

"No.  Don't do it for me, Morgan.  Do it for yourself because it's what you want to do.  Do it because you really want to be a carpet layer instead of Lionel's personal assistant."  Graham's hand tightened on Dominic's shoulder.  "I saw how proud he was of that ring, Morgan.  He's not going to throw you away."

 

"I do want to, Graham. But I don’t… I don’t think Lionel could survive in our world without me, to tell you the truth. Not because... of the personal. But because... he's the leader, I’m the follower. I have every phone number, ever bit of personal information, every little *thing* about our business, logged away in my head. It would take months… even years, to train a new assistant."

 

"Then I'll start it part time, and you can help when you can.  Weekends, when you need to relax, or just when you need time for yourself and get away from the big man."  He smiled at his brother as he pulled out of the parking space.  "You know, I never thought I'd see you fight for anything.  You must really love him... and you've got my support."

 

That was the straw that broke the camels back.

 

He leaned over and let out a harsh, hollow sob, almost like he was caving in on himself, and it all came out in a rush, between gasping breaths and the sobs hitching his chest. "He told me Jonathan kissed him and he and Jonathan dated when he was younger before Jonathan married Martha and Lionel always thought Jonathan hated him but he didn’t and they talked about it and I found them hugging once and we got so mad but he explained it and I thought that was the end of it but then Lionel comes and tells me Jonathan still loves him and they kissed and he felt nothing for Jonathan but I gave him the option of seeing if their was anything left with Jonathan and he gave me his ring and told me I had to chose but I know he was giving me the ring to step out of our relationship and see if he still loved Jonathan and I cant take it, I cant take sitting here with this weight on my chest because no one has ever been in love with me like Lionel and I keep thinking that maybe this is all my fault that I’m not good enough for him, that I’ve been ruined and I cant breathe."

 

Graham slammed the brakes on before he got out of the parking spot.  "Breathe, Morgan."  He rubbed his brother's chest.  "He wasn't afraid of me, Morgan.  I wasn't being nice, and he stood his ground and told me how much he loved you and that he was going to marry you."  Another gentle rub.  "Tell me, what did he say when he gave you the ring?  You said he was telling you to choose?  Maybe he was just asking you to accept that he loves you in spite of Jonathan."  The surprise and the shock of Jonathan and Lionel he hid, because there was just no way he was ready to comprehend that.

 

The tears had slipped, three of them, right down his face that he swiped as they came, trying to rub his face free of the trembled expression he had, scrubbing at it until he could have it under control. He pressed the heels of his palms to the hollow of his eyes for a few long moments, swallowing hard. "I...I d-don’t know. I don’t know. It happened so fast, and he...I don’t know, Graham, but theirs more, more you could never know about me, and if you did you'd realize why I’m saying this, why its so hard for me. I think t-the worst, and maybe he didn’t mean the worst, and I just threw the love o-of m… my l-life away."

 

"He will come back to you, Dominic.  You have to trust in that.  The man who basically told me to go to hell isn't going to leave you.  He will come back."  He sighed deeply.  "We all know... we all know something happened to you.  We all know you've been miserable, and Lindy's right... I've never seen you as happy as you were with him.  Whatever it is that happened, you know that we don't care."  He squeezed Dominic's shoulder tightly.  "Don't worry, Morgan.  You didn't throw anything away."

 

"Lets go home." A hard swallow around the lump, wiping his face again and clearing his throat. "Lets get the kids and go home."

 

"Good idea."  Graham gripped his brother's hand tightly for a moment before backing out of the parking space again and going to pick the rest of the family up.

 

-fin-

 

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