The Memoirs

Shayla knew, for a fact, that there was a coffee table in front of them. She knew this because she'd watched Steve and Whitney move it in with the rest of the furniture while she was putting together the baby's crib, high chair, dresser, bouncer, and everything else.

However, looking at the sheer stack of crap in front of her, she was really, really starting to wonder where the coffee table had disappeared to. She reached out to pick up a leaflet, and as soon as she did, all the others started to cascade down into a little paper waterfall.

"Uh, Chloe? Is there... method to this madness?" she called out. "Or um... is it just... avalanche ahoy?"

Chloe grinned and glanced up from her son's tiny face, rolling her eyes in good nature as she picked her son up from the diaper table. He was freshly cleaned, pampered and redressed into a handsome outfit to see his aunt Shayla, and Chloe wrapped him in a warm blanket before plodding through the house and down the steps to the living room. "There's no method. Blame Whitney, he messed up my carefully organized disaster."

"Carefully... organized... disaster. That's a contradiction in terms." She held her arms up for the baby. "C'mere, John Boy. Come see your crazy auntie." She kicked out at the pile of fliers. "Didn't realize you were serious about the GED thing."

"Of course I was. it's too late in the semester for me to jump into school, and even then, I don't want John to be without a mommy for eight hours a day." She gently deposited the little baby, slurping on his pacifier, to Shayla and picked up a few of the pamphlets. "Its easier than it seems, by the way--its a matter of studying and taking the tests."

Shayla cradled John to her chest with a grin. "Yeah, but you know, if my brother found out I was going to drop out? He'd have my ass for breakfast, and I'm not sure I don't mean that literally," she said with a snort. "Not to mention the fact that it MIGHT be enough to make Mama come back over here, and I really don't want to do that."

"Dominic might not be too angry, Shay. He doesn't seem the type to flip out over stuff like that--you're eighteen. You've got a life," Chloe said, nodding firmly. "You're a free bird." But at that, she frowned a little. "Pete came to see me before he left. Did you... talk to him at all?"

Shay shook her head. "No, I didn't. Not since we broke up. I watched him leave, but I don't think he saw me. Elaine suggested that it might be better to just break it off clean, especially if I thought I'd want to get back together with him later. If he comes back."

Chloe tipped her head, tucking a few long strands of blond hair, that now fell past her shoulders, out of her eyes. "Do you miss him?"

"Yeah," she said. "I do. I miss him a lot. But? I also kind of feel better, too."

"Why do you say?" Chloe asked.

Shay shrugged. "I don't know... I feel like... okay. You know how when Morgan was sick, you were there with me, before I went loony tunes, I mean? And you were concerned too, and you told me that he was going to be okay, but you didn't say it... condescending. Pete did. He was like, oh, everything'll be okay, don't worry, complete with a little pat on the head. And yeah, that wouldn't have bothered me before Morg got sick, but... I had to grow up fast, because before, all my other brothers and sisters were trying to protect me from everything, but this... They just couldn't protect me from this. So I had to face a lot of things I didn't want to face up to. And I don't think that Pete or I either one had time to get used to that before I went Clockwork Orange on everybody and ended up in a padded cell."

She tipped her head a little again, gently tucking one kicking baby foot back into his booty as she carefully formulated her next question. "Do you love him?"

"Yeah. I've always loved him, Chloe," Shay answered. "And I don't even have to think about that. And I'm pretty sure that I'm in love with him. But... he wasn't handling *me* very well, and I wasn't handling him at all. We just needed... a break. And I wish he wasn't gone. But he is, and I'll deal with that too, because that's what I do. And in the next week or so, I'll call him, and if he hangs up on me, I'll know he doesn't want to talk to me."

She smiled a little, hopefully, and squeezed her friends hand. "I love you, sweetie. You're a good person--strong. You needed that, I think." But she smiled again and looked down at her son. "Didn't she, John?"

"I'm not a good person," Shay protested, but then she giggled when John gurgled at her, and kicked one of his hands and his feet. "Suck up, always agreeing with your mama."

"Well," she slapped her thighs. "I'm going to put some dinner on. Want something to drink?" she asked, as she rose and waved Shay with her as she walked to the kitchen. It was small but perfect, and she already had the things she needed out. She put pots of water on to boil, as she began to prepare the chicken she'd set to defrost in the sink. "Stay to eat, babe? I put out too much--we were going to invite Clark and Lex over too, but..." She shook her head and sighed.

"Yeah, I'll stay." She got up with John in her arms as she followed her friend out to the kitchen. "Clark still not... doing well?" she finally settled on.

She frowned. "Not at all. He's totally closed the link off, and from what Lex has told me, he isn't eating, or doing anything much more than sleeping and staring into space." The worry lines creased her forehead as she set the chicken to defrost a bit more in the microwave and got out two soda's and glasses, filling them and handing her friend one.

"That can't be good. Morgan and Lionel are more quiet than usual, and the whole mansion feels like a fucking tomb. Oops, sorry, John. I'm going to start giving you a quarter every time I cuss in front of you. We'll get you through med school on my dime."

Chloe smiled, but only a little, and it was tense on her face. "I don't know if its the best place for Clark and Lex to be any more, Shay. They're young, like us--they need to be masters of their own home. I think...having a home will solidify some of the yearning they both have to be a family."

Shay nodded. "Okay. I'll agree with you there." She cuddled John before laying him down gently in his little bassinet, in the corner of the kitchen. "I'll flip for you for which one of us gets to corner them and tell them that."

She smiled, but again it was tense, and she felt the sadness for her sha'nauch leap in her throat. "They can't do this anymore, Shay. They're going to fall apart at the seams, and I swear, if they break up I don't know what I'll do. They're true love, down to the marrow."

Shay walked around the little kitchen island and hugged her friend gently. "They can't break up," she said softly. "They're my happy ending, them and Morgan."

"Me too," Chloe said, and hugged Shay back, gently. "I just don't think there's anything we can do. We just have to trust that they'll work it out."

She nodded. "They have to work it out, Chloe."

She bit her lower lip, but was saved from responding when the microwave dinged. She let go of her friend, smiled at her a little, and motioned towards the TV stuffed in a corner of the counter. "Flip on MTV, huh?"

"You got it," Shay answered with a little sniffle, picking up the remote and flipping through the channels until she settled on MTV. "There we go. Music to cook by. Or rip heads off to, depending on your point of view."

- = - = -

Clark didn't realize until he went to school the following Monday that he was alone, and not until the monotony of the following weeks progressed, the utter loneliness, did he realize just how terrible school had become.

He barely spoke, and stayed in his room most of the time--it was easier to handle himself, temper and soul both, when he was in his room. Some afternoons he managed to get up and shower, and watched a little TV with his lover, before falling asleep against him. it seemed all he'd done was sleep--he had a sneaking suspicion it was because he was depressed.

Just as he had a sneaking suspicion it was the reason he wasn't even trying to stay average in his school work.

He filled the tests out too perfect, not caring--unable to *bring* himself to care to pretend to be an idiot. He just wrote and slept, wrote and slept, and sometimes wrote while he slept and slept while he wrote. He did his columns for Perry, though the joy had left him and his writing had become the equivalent of chewing cardboard--dry, tacky, and absolutely inedible. He didn't care. If he lost his job, well then, it was one less thing to worry about. Lex would take care of him.

He found himself walking down the hall after school ended on Friday, nearly three weeks after Victoria left. She hadn't called him--he hadn't expected her to. She was a black hole in his heart, with Mar-El, eating at him without his conscious thought. He was numb.

He walked along, his backpack slung over his shoulders, his jeans dragging the floor, and knocked on the door to the principal's office.

The semester report cards were sitting in Joe Reynolds' office. They'd all been checked over, every single one of them, and they were ready to be handed out that afternoon.

"Come in, Mr. Kent," Joe called, recognizing the gangling silhouette through the window in his door. "Please, close the door behind you and have a seat."

Clark did as he was told, coming in, eyes on the carpet, and closed the door behind him. He flumped into the seat in front of the desk, backpack still on--he didn't have the energy to take it from his shoulders.

"I'd appreciate if you looked at me while I was talking to you, Mr. Kent," Joe said amiably, the report cards turned face-down in front of him, one on top sitting askew, as though it had just been put back on the stack.

Clark restrained the glare with effort and looked up under his brows, without comment.

"Now, I'd like to have a talk with you about your latest report card," he said, continuing as though he hadn't paused. "I don't know what you've been doing lately, but it's definitely been showing itself in your grades."

Lovely.

So, he was getting kicked out of school.

Strangely, it was a relief rather than something to be upset over.

"Oh."

"Just oh?" Joe thrust Clark's report card out to him. "Would you like to explain this?"

Clark took it, glanced at it--saw the A's, and immediately, the tension in his stomach tripled. He shrugged his shoulders a little, pushing the paper back.

His parents? Were going to string and quarter him.

"Nothing to say about this?" Joe asked, taking the card back. "Why haven't I seen this kind of work out of you before, Mr. Kent?"

"Because I didn't want to be different."

Joe's eyebrow raised. "Mr. Kent, you're the only teenager in my high school who is currently working for a nationally known publication. You are also the only student that I know of with a high-profile significant other. Those two things alone make you different, and I don't want to hear any more of your excuses." He thrust the report card back at Clark. "When I first came to this school, I knew you had it in you to excel, Clark. And now I see I was right. I expect this trend to continue for the rest of the year."

The rest of the year. Oh, God. Seven months.

He wanted to die.

But because he couldn't tell his principal that, he just shrugged. "All right. Can I go?"

Joe studied the young man in front of him. "Anything else you'd like to tell me, Mr. Kent?"

"No," he said sullenly.

"Then, yes, you can go. And if I see a slipping in your grades, you will be back in this office explaining why you're no longer meeting your full potential, do you understand me?"

"You don't get it," Clark muttered to him, as he rose. "I've always tried to keep my grades down so I'm not any more of a freak than I already am. Sir," he added, as an after thought.

"Sit back down," Reynolds said sharply. "I don't know what your friends have told you, or why you think that making good grades makes you a freak, but that is absolutely not true. Because your grades will follow you, Mr. Kent. Since the ninth grade, they are on your permanent record, and they will be looked at by whatever colleges you will be applying to--and you will be applying, I'll see to it myself if I must."

"You don't run my life," he snapped back, before he could stop himself. He regretted it a minute later, but he did not sit. "I need to go."

"No, I don't run your life," Reynolds said. "But I am ultimately in charge of your education, and you are going to do the best you can."

"Well, fine. You do the best you think, but I'll do what *I* think." God, he was miserable here. He had no friends to be with anymore--he was such a freak. "Look, I really have to go. Is that all?"

"Yes, Mr. Kent. That's all. You can go, but remember, I will be watching you."

"Join the line, get a t-shirt, free slushies," Clark muttered, and the door slammed behind him.

And with that, Clark left. He locked the Torch door behind him after getting his stuff and escaped out the back door, the empty halls oddly echoing as he made his way outside. It was sunny outside, totally disconnected from his mood--he was in a strange one, and couldn't quite pull himself out of it. He knew he had a lecture coming from home in the next few days, and Lex was acting like Clark was fragile glass, and Lionel and Dominic gave him a wide berth, and he hated it. hated all of it, so much that the rage bubbled inside of him.

He hated that Chloe and Whitney hadn't talked to him, that Shayla just smiled uncertainly at him, that his teachers didn't look at him, that he hadn't had any fun in weeks. He hated all of it, hated everything. *Hated* it, *hated* it. There was a pressure inside of him, one he couldn't quell, and it only made him angrier as he walked.

He took his time, and didn't run. There was no point. All that was waiting for him was more work, and worried eyes, and responsibility and pressure and all the things he wished he didn't have to deal with.

He was all but dragging his feet, when he walked in through the front door.

Lex was sitting in his office, trying to work through the crushing depression that he was feeling from Clark. Adam had been there earlier in the day, dropping off paperwork and getting several things set up, but Lex had sent him back to LuthorCorp way before Clark got home.

In my office, aushna', Lex sent hopefully. I'm on the phone.

Clark shouldered off his back pack, toed off his shoes, and them by the front door after closing and locking it behind him. he scrubbed his fingers lightly through his long hair and walked down the hall tiredly. Lex was on the phone when he got there, so he flopped onto the leather couch by the fireplace and stared up at the ceiling as he listened to his lover talk.

"Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. No, I'm sure he won't mind." Lex paused. "We haven't seen him lately, but of course we can pass on a message." Another pause, and he smiled. "No, we haven't given your room away." Then there was another long pause, and Lex frowned. "No, he doesn't hate you."

Clark didn't have to hear the telephone conversation to know who his lover was talking to. he rolled off the couch and to his feet, went to the bar beside the window, and pushed down a glass of scotch. Then a second.

After the fourth, he got the bottle and went back to the couch.

Lex just watched as he listened to Victoria talk, and lifted his eyes up to his lover. Do you want to talk to her? he asked silently.

"No," he said instantly, as he tipped another glass of scotch down his throat.

"He's not home from school yet," Lex said softly, at his lover's answer. "No, he's probably still working at the newspaper." A quiet pause. "I know. I miss him too," Lex said softly. "Never mind. Yeah. I'll give him a hug for you. Bye." He hung up the phone, and put it down on the desk. "How was class?"

"Shit. How was work?"

"Pretty much the same." Lex rubbed his temples. "I've got a headache building. You?"

"Same. Want to fuck?"

Lex raised an eyebrow. "Is that a sincere offer, or just a way to work off nervous energy?"

"Probably a little bit of both," Clark said, honestly, as he set the bottle down and ran his fingers through his wild hair again.

"How about you come here and let me pass on the requested hug instead?" Lex asked.

"All right, then." Clark rose tiredly and walked across the carpet, socked toes rubbing in it as he walked, before he leaned down and wrapped his arms around his lovers back. "You smell nice. Like Adam's cologne, actually. Was he here today?"

Lex wrapped his arms around Clark and squeezed tightly. "That one's from Victoria," he said softly, ignoring the question for a moment. Then he squeezed again. "And that one is mine." Then he sighed. "Yes, he was here earlier this afternoon. He brought by several contracts and the paperwork that goes with them, and he set up one of the new Dell ether routers so that Dad's laptop, mine, and Dom's can all access the LuthorCorp mainframe. He left a little after two."

"He splashes on cologne like he bathes in it. Your office always smells like him after he leaves," Clark said softly, closing his eyes and setting his cheek on his lovers shoulder.

Lex brought his fingers up to run gently through Clark's hair. "Yes, he does. I had a window open earlier to get the thickest part of it out, but Ms. Bird made me close it because of the air conditioning."

"Yeah, like you couldn't pay for it." But he lifted his head. "Its the house of no sex, lately. You sure you're gonna pass on my manly wiles?"

"Of course I could pay for it, but do you really want to be the one to argue with that old biddy?" Lex asked, rubbing his cheek against Clark's shoulder. "I don't know," he continued, honestly. "Do you want it? I don't... I don't want you thinking that sex is all I want from you."

"Its all I want from myself lately," Clark said, almost to himself, but shook his head and climbed to his feet. "I'm going to go sleep. Aurora stopped crying?"

Lex nodded. "Yeah, she did." He reached back behind himself and closed the laptop's lid, letting the machine idle. "I'll go to sleep with you."

Once upon a time, Clark would have argued. Now, he truly didn't care. He went up the steps, Lex at his heels, and after washing his face and hands, stripped off but for his boxers and crawled under the wonderfully cool sheets. The puppies, asleep in the basket in the corner, barely looked up at him.

Lex followed suit, stripping and climbing into bed beside Clark. Once he was in bed, he curled completely around his aushna', tucking his head under Clark's chin and resting his hand over Clark's heart. "I ache for you, Clark."

"There's lube in the side drawer," he said, a ghost of a smile in his voice before it was gone.

"Not like that... not *just* like that," Lex amended. "I mean, in here," he said, rubbing Clark's chest. "For the light you used to have."

He was deeply uncomfortable talking about that, so he shrugged his lovers hand away and rolled onto his stomach. "When is Dominic going back to work?"

Lex let the subject die. "At the end of the month," he said softly. "At least, that's the last I heard. They're... not talking to me much right now. I think they think I have more important things on my mind."

"Like ingenious ways to keep Adam Knight's cologne out of your nose?"

"Like my aushna'."

He quieted, again. "Lex, I'm okay. Okay? There's nothing wrong."

"Don't lie to me, Clark," Lex said softly, without inflection. "Remember who you're talking to."

"My aushna', my connected, my mate, my chosen. Blah blah blah. I get it, I can't fool you." He rolled over onto his back, and looked across at his lover. His fingers were gentle, taking some of the sting from his words when he stroked them over Lex's face. "There's nothing anyone can do."

"I'm probably the one person you *can't* fool," Lex agreed, raising up on his elbow to look down. "Tell me about it. You might be surprised what I can do."

Clark bit on his lower lip for a long, long while, and his body relaxed a little, there in Lex's arms. His lovers familiar scent, the feel of his skin, the touch of his lovely, long fingered hands. Clark leaned into them, and drew support from them, as he very lightly stroked his fingertips over Lex's hands, his arms, into the crooks of his elbows. "Aushna'...I don't fit here anymore. This town suffocates me. Our son is buried half a mile from us, your father and my father have new children, our sha'nauch... Pete is gone, Victoria is gone, I'm alone at school, now. I..." He bit his lip again. "I feel... suffocated."

"Do you want to leave?" Lex asked. "You've got Christmas break in a few months, and if you want, we can have you enrolled in any high school in the country by the time school starts back in January."

Clark's eyes closed, and tears built under the lashes. His voice was nothing but a croak. "I wouldn't ask you to do that, when you have your family and your friends here. I'm okay… I just feel like… I'm suffocating, sometimes. Like the air is getting squished out of me. Whitney hates me. My parents barely remember I exist anymore. Your dad and Dominic have Aurora, now." He opened his eyes, and his voice fell to a whisper. "This must be what Pete felt."

"Clark, you're not *asking* me to do anything. I'm offering it," Lex pointed out, turning on his side. "Nothing is more important to me than you are. Would I like to be near while Rory's growing up? Of course I would. But I'd never let you stay somewhere you're so miserable. That's all there is to it." He stroked Clark's arms gently as he held his lover close. "Tell me where you want to go, and I'll start making the arrangements first thing in the morning, and have one of my agents start looking for real estate."

He shook his head tightly, and kissed his cheek… then his lips. "I want a tattoo. And a piercing. Can you help me do it, soon?"

Lex nodded. "Yeah. I can. You tell me what design you want, and I'll start drawing it, and I'll have a cosmetic artist finish it for me."

Clark nodded, reaching out to kiss his lover again, and confessed there, in the shadow of their bodies. "I'm lonely, Lex."

Lex's arms tightened around Clark at the confession. "I know you are," he said softly. "There's a little void inside you that I can't fill, and it hurts me to see you hurt. Tell me, Clark, tell me what you need, and we'll have it."

"Just what you're doing," Clark said quietly, and wrapped his arms tightly around Lex's middle. "I love you. I'm sorry I've been a shit."

Lex shook his head gently. "You don't have to apologize to me, Clark. I love you, I was worried about you, but you don't have to apologize to me." He snuggled Clark in as close as he could get, kissing his forehead softly.

"I love you," Clark repeated gently, and kissed his lovers lips, very gently. "I love you so much." He pressed his cheek into his lovers shoulder...didn't like that, and shifted so that Lex was pressed to his. Someone Clark could protect and hold, and he held his lover close to his chest, brushing his lips across that sweet, bare head. "I have to call Whitney. I just don't know what to say to him."

Lex shifted easily as Clark moved him, and rested against his aushna's shoulder. "How about the truth?" Lex suggested softly.

"I tried. He was so angry," Clark said, softly, closing his eyes as his face scrunched in shame. "He was furious with me."

Lex stretched his neck just a little to kiss the furrows out of his lover's face. "Then let me talk to him," Lex said, a little growl entering his voice. "He'll not make my aushna' feel disgraced."

He shook his head tightly, kissing his lovers brow. "He wasn't mad about me. He was mad that I couldn't admit why I was so afraid of John. He thinks... he thinks I'm... that I don't want to hold him because I'm selfish. But Lex, I couldn't hold him and risk something happening to him… dropping him, hurting him, making him stop breathing."

Lex tucked his head under Clark's chin at that, nuzzling in against his throat. "I understand, Clark. But you have to trust yourself sometime. You wouldn't hurt that child for anything. You didn't hurt Victoria, and you won't hurt John, or Rory."

"But what if I did? I couldn't ever look Dominic or Lionel in the face again, Lex. I couldn't see them and know I took their baby from them."

"Clark, you can't deny yourself an entire part of your life because something *might* happen," Lex said softly. "Does that mean you won't hold *our* children because something might happen to them? Does it mean you won't *have* our children because something might happen?"

"No," Clark whispered, softly, and buried his face in Lex's soft skin. "I... I'm such a wimp."

"No you're not," Lex said. "You're scared, and with good reason, even I admit that. But you can't let fear rule you, Clark. You know that. You told *me* that when I was afraid to tell you how much I was hurting over Mar-El. But you were the one who told me that I couldn't let that fear take over everything because it would destroy what we have, and you were right in saying it. And now, so am I."

His chin trembled, and he held Lex all the tighter for it. Flickering images of just the *thought* of Lex leaving him flickered through his brain and he tensed his arms, rocking his lover softly against him and choking down the tears. "I love you."

"I'm not going anywhere," Lex hastened to reassure his lover, kissing his cheeks and chin softly. "I love you, Clark. You're my aushna', you're everything to me."

"I know," Clark said, softly, and leaned down to kiss him, quietly, gently, and breathed in the scent of his skin before setting his cheek on Lex's forehead. "Lets sleep, okay?"

Lex paused for a moment. "Are you sure you don't want me to start looking for houses elsewhere, Clark? I just got a good deal emailed to me on a horse ranch in Kentucky, and I can get the agent that looks out for me to start looking all over the country."

Clark sniffled again, clearing his throat until his voice wasn't smushed and plugged, and kissed Lex's forehead once, and then again. "You do what you think. It's not my money. It sounds fun, though... maybe... where… where Whitney and Chloe would go, too."

"You think so?" Lex paused. "I had meant to talk to you about starting to acquire a few properties in my name instead of my father's, just to shore up my holdings with LexCorp and Cadmus," he said thoughtfully. "It wouldn't be coming out of the joint account anyway; it'll be almost three quarters of a million dollars, once closing costs and everything are settled... but are you sure? Because you don't like horses?"

Clark smiled a little. "I grew up on a farm, Lex. I love animals. I just don't want... if its because I'm throwing tantrums and sulking for days on end."

"I'm not sure I understand?" Lex asked softly. "If you're asking the reasons for me considering the ranch, yes, it's partially because you just said you felt suffocated here, but it's also a good investment, there's a great deal of potential in the business, especially if they start training and stud breeding, and it'd be only one of about ten properties I'd be acquiring."

He nodded, but sniffled softly when Lex said that. "Well… if you want it, get it. I won't tell you no. And… it'd be a good vacation spot. For your dad, too."

Lex looked up at the sniffle. "Clark, we're supposed to make decisions together," he reminded softly.

Clark leaned in and whispered, "I feel like a spoiled boyfriend."

Lex chuckled softly. "I'm doing my best," he teased, but then he sobered quickly. "I'm not trying to spoil you this time, in all honesty. I'm sincerely asking for your thoughts. If you want the truth, I'm sure it'd be safer than the last vacation I took with Bruce, in which we played bait for a couple of Great Whites."

"That'd be fun," Clark murmured offhand, but settled more in the blankets, stroking the back of Lex's head with his thumb. "It sounds good, actually. The ranch. It'd be nice...I love animals. And you could be back to your roots, like with your mom."

"Yeah, that's another thought I had," he admitted softly. "But I was trying to base this on sounder reasons than just, I wanted it for old times' sake, you know?" Lex sighed softly. "I think I'm going to buy it. And Bruce has a palazzo in Italy that he wants to sell me, so you and I will be taking a trip to Italy in the next few months to tour the place before I buy it."

Clark smiled quietly and nodded. He nuzzled Lex's ear softly, catching the lobe to gently scrape it, before settling in close and closing his eyes. "Kay. Pasta and horses."

"Pasta and horses and a new Ferrari," Lex corrected. "The new Enzo model's just been road-tested, and I've gotten an invitation to buy one. When we go to check out the villa? We're going in my new Ferrari," Lex said with a grin.

Clark rolled his eyes down at him, returning the smile softly, and closed his eyes. He felt...well, it went away, just for a little while, the pain had been pushed down. "Tattoo. And piercing. Remember, Lex."

"Tattoo. What kind of design do you want?" Lex asked, sitting up just enough in bed to grab one of the pads and pens that always sat there for messages, late-night work sessions, and Lex's obsessive doodling while he was on the phone.

Clark lounged back as Lex sat up and curled his arms under his head, pushing his hair out of his eyes as he watched his lover. He bent his leg around him so Lex was sitting between his legs, and gently held him close with his knee. "Maybe..." he blinked. "I don't know, actually."

Lex wrapped both of Clark's legs around his waist as he scooted back, dragging the pad with him, and did a hasty sketch of the stylized S that adorned the Superman suits. "Too much of a giveaway?" he asked, holding it up.

Clark's lips twitched as he took the notepad, tipping his head. "A bit. What about..." He took the pen from Lex, flipped a page and scrawled out a few symbols he didn't remember understanding until he saw them on paper. "Kryptonian?"

Lex nodded. "Yeah, they're Kryptonian," he mused, studying them. "One of them is hope, but I can't quite translate the others."

Clark's lips spread a little, and some of the pallor in his cheeks faded. "Can you read it?"

"Not all of it," he answered, drawing his knees up so that his entire body rested between Clark's legs, pad balanced against his knees as a temporary easel. "This one is hope," he said, tapping one of them symbols. "And I think this one is future?" he asked with a scrunched brow.

Clark tipped his head...smiled again, and rubbed at one green eye before stroking Lex's thigh with his toes. "Not future--fate. Close, though, I think it may even mean the same."

"Fate," Lex repeated, and studied the third scrawled symbol. "Hope, Fate, and... truth?"

Clark nodded, stroking over the symbol written with simple pen, studying it for a moment. "All three are the basis of any person's life."

Lex paused a moment, and scribbled a fourth symbol on the end. "Love."

Clark looked down at the symbol… tracing over it with a finger tip. "Love." he looked up. "I want that. On my thigh, or on my ass, where only you can see."

Lex shook his head. "I want it where everyone can see," he said softly. "See it, and know you belong to me."

A little pout crossed Clark's face. "I can't have one on my ass?"

"You can have one on your ass. That says property of Lex Luthor."

Oh, Clark grinned. He *grinned*. It felt strange on his face, still crinkly with tears, but he grinned. "Don't lie to me, now."

"I'm not lying to you, Clark. You can have a tattoo on your ass as long as it points out that your ass is my property," he said, fighting to keep his face straight.

His nose wrinkled, but he was still grinning, the light shining for the first time in too long in his eyes. "I'm serious, you know. I would love to get a tattoo like that. Right across my entrance."

"That would be rather painful," Lex pointed out. "Not to mention, I'd be the one doing it because I'd kill anyone else who got that close to you."

"Well, then as close to the entrance as it can get. Toni has dragons across her...you know," he said, with a little blush. "I saw them when she was having Aurora. On accident, I assure you." He made a face. "But she had dragons! Why can't I have 'property of my aushna'?"

"Well... I do have quite a few of your skin samples cryogenically frozen from your last molt," Lex mused, "As well as the Kryptonite ink that Wade Boggs and his gang used to walk through the walls here in Smallville. if I can dilute actual tattoo ink with the right ratio of Kryptonite ink, then there might be a chance of making it permanent. But I'd have to experiment quite a bit with that process, and until then, we'd have to settle for henna, or some other semi-permanent method."

"Kay," Clark said, with a smile. "I could go back to that girl in Houston..." he said, all too innocently.

You do that, and I'll kill you and her both," Lex said, the growl back in his voice, full force.

A shiver ran up Clark's spine. "She couldn't get me hard, when she drew the dragon down over my cock. She was so pissed off about it."

"I... don't care," Lex growled, nails raking over Clark's arms as they wrapped around him. "I didn't kill her then for touching my aushna' and I should have, but I knew you wouldn't like it. Go to her again and she dies before she touches you again."

"And me?"

"You I'd have to chain down and remind you who you belong to," Lex snarled, tossing the pad and the pen to the side and turning so that he was on his knees between Clark's legs, staring down at him. "*Me.*" His nails dragged down Clark's chest, and Lex pinched each nipple in strong fingers. "Mine."

"Maybe not..." Clark said, is voice a tease, his eyebrow high, and trying like mad to hide the tremors that raced through him as the nails dragged down his chest. "You'd have to...convince me, Mr. Luthor."

Lex jerked Clark's left arm up and rubbed his thumb over the rainbow mark on the forearm. "Convince you?" he asked, blowing over it before kissing it and then letting it fall to the bed.

His fingers went to Clark's nipples again, but instead of pinching them he rubbed his fingertips over the scar that ringed one of them, a scar he'd given Clark after Mar-El had been born. He rubbed over the faint scar twice, then found the faded scar at Clark's throat and then on his thigh. "You *do* belong to me."

Clark's hips jerked and he mewled, loudly, when Lex blew across the mark on his arm. It was enough to jerk him to attention, that was for sure, and the rubs, at the pressure points where he'd been claimed, made him give a breathy, soft noise of submission. "I am my aushna's," he whispered.

"Yes, you are," Lex growled again, his voice deep and almost unrecognizable. "You are mine and I am yours, and no one, not even you, will doubt that, Kal-El."

"I won't doubt," Clark whispered, a thrill of fear making all his nerves jump to life, his bones and muscles and heart alive and aching after the misery of the last few days. It felt *sensual*, utterly... utterly *delicious*. "I am yours."

"Mine," Lex snarled again, dragging his fingers down over Clark's stomach, leaning over to bite his shoulder and throat, then kiss him savagely. His tongue thrust furiously into Clark's mouth, kissing deeply, possessing as hard as he could because he didn't *like* the reminder of someone else touching his aushna' or the implied challenge of convince me.

Yeah, well, Clark only did it because...well...this part. He opened his mouth to the kiss and his fingers went to Lex's hips, holding them tight against his own as he thrust up, and licked and sucked on his lovers mouth. Down, down his throat, to his shoulder and he bit *hard*, opening a small wound on his lovers flesh to suck and lick away.

"No," Lex growled, pulling away and straddling his lover completely. "Mine. You will believe." He dragged Clark's hands up over his head, and glared them into place. "Do not move." Lex was completely naked, and he rocked against Clark's boxers before lifting himself up enough to drag them down Clark's legs and toss them to the floor.

"I do believe," Clark said, softly, to assure his lover, but Lex was having none of it. Clark held his hands up and tried not to cry out when Lex stroked himself against his bare skin, and oh, it was *amazing*. He whimpered low in his throat, cock rising as he moved into his lovers touch.

Lex got off the bed and hunted through the pile of his clothes until he came back with his leather belt. He straddled Clark's chest, twisted the belt around Clark's wrists, then looped it over the top rail of the headboard. "Do not break it," was Lex's admonition, and he slid down Clark's body just enough to suck on the fading scar at Clark's pulse.

Clark was a bit frightened… but just a bit. Lex tied his hands to the headboard, and to further show his trust, Clark pushed his strength through their link to his lover, so he was left tender and human. It felt… it just *felt*, and he shivered.

Lex embraced it, felt the strength flowing through to saturate his being as he leaned over carefully now, biting sharply at the scar and opening it up again, albeit shallowly. He lapped at the drops of blood that welled at the torn skin, then licked over Clark's full lips, sharing the taste with him.

He did the same thing at Clark's nipple, biting gently until the skin tore just enough to bring up a few drops, and then at his thigh, and each time shared the blood with Clark.

Then his hands rubbed Clark's hips, slid down over his haunches to squeeze handfuls of firm cheeks, then slapped each handful sharply.

The slow, intoxicating stroke of his skin made Clark moan and writhe there on the bed, squirming along it as he rubbed as much of his skin against Lex's. His muscles corded the smallest bit and he yanked at the belt, just to see how dominated he was, how much he couldn't move. He moaned when Lex bit his throat... cried out when Lex bit at his nipple... then whimpered in pleasure when his lovers mouth stroked down to his thighs.

And then he had to go and slap his butt like that, and he yelped all the louder for it.

Lex did it again, slapped Clark's ass sharply, making sure each blow stung before reaching down and massaging the sting in, deep into his lover's flesh.

The parts of his mind were at war with each other; Lex wanted to gently make love to Clark while Kenep wanted to fuck Kal-El as hard as he could, keep him tied to the bed for a week with a sore ass and a cock that hadn't orgasmed as a reminder of who he belonged to.

He compromised by reaching under the bed and dragging out the box of toys they used most often, bringing out a silver cock ring that he snapped into place around Clark's cock and balls, and then started greasing up a plug for his ass.

Clark moaned softly, again and again, his mind conjuring images of spankings and orgasms and whips and chains, and he was still pulling feebly at the belt as his cock, hardening on his belly, began to twitch with the reminder of what he wanted. He made pleading noises in his throat, hips arching to hump the air a moment before Lex snapped on the cock ring. He whimpered, loudly, pleasure hardening him further until he was stone hard and it *ached* and he wanted to "touch, please, Lex!"

Lex didn't answer as he finished lubing the plug, and then slid slick fingers into Clark, stretching him slowly and teasingly, thrusting his fingers to their full length inside before pulling them back out again, wiggling them slightly inside his lover just because he could.

The fingers inside of him made Clark cry out, again, then once more, spreading his legs and bringing them up a bit to give his lover room. They bopped impatiently, ready for more, until... until he saw the plug and he gasped, shuddering. "L-Lex… Lex…"

Lex slid the plug inside his lover's opening, rocking the base to make sure it was firmly inside of him, and then settled just out of the reach of Clark's legs, spreading his own wide open to display his recently enlarged cock. He stroked it caressingly, teasing the head and the hanging balls as he started to jerk himself off, eyes on his aushna'.

"L-Lex, LEX!" Clark cried, wrenching at his arms to pull them out of the belt as his hips jerked and he squeezed on the thing inside of him. He squeezed around it, helpless in his arousal as it pressed snug there against his prostate, making him want moreandmorenadmore and he jerked, thrashing, hissing and wailing. "Yours, yours, I'm yours!"

"Yes you are," Lex croaked, still stroking his cock as he watched his aushna' writhing and begging for him.

Seeing Lex sitting there, touching his cock without a care in the world, for Clark's eyes, made him realize how punished he was for what he said. he wailed, yanking on the belt as his eyes closed, sweat popping up all over his body. His cock made streaks across his belly. "No, no, touch, touch me, please!"

"Not yet," Lex grunted, still stroking his cock, but starting to inch closer to his aushna'.

"What… what do I have to do?" Clark asked, all long lashes and bruised, ruby red lips and rippling muscles.

Wait feel suffer scream beg whimper, roared Kenep in his blood and his brain. "T-tell me," Lex whispered softly. "Tell me... tell me it's only me."

"Only you," Clark whispered, though the roar in his lovers head had all but been vocal. He shrank back, in terror and a lust so strong it wanted to tear him from the inside out. Aroused by fear. "Only my Kenep," he whispered again, hips bucking up and the fire of challenge in his eyes.

Lex surged forward onto his knees, squeezing the last of the lube from it's tube out onto his cock, slathering the hard length thoroughly before rubbing it against Clark's bound cock. "Tell me... fuck or be fucked?"

"Fucked," Clark sobbed, looking down at his lovers cock, big, as big as his own, and the memory of that cock inside of him made Clark shudder all over. His entire body broke out in trembles and fever, bucking his hips and mewling in want. He shifted under his lovers body, terrified but wanting, and slithered and squirmed until he was on his hands and knees, thighs spread, head lowered, cock dribbling. "Please!"

Lex was inflamed. He brought his hand down on Clark's upturned ass, spanking sharply. "Didn't tell you to move," he gritted out, even as he rubbed the head of his cock over Clark's hole. "Didn't tell you to turn over, didn't tell you to present yourself." Each thing won Clark another hard pop to his ass. "You broke the belt," Lex said, picking up one of the pieces of leather that had bound Clark's hands together and popped him on the ass with it twice, listening to the crack of the broken leather strap against Clark's ass.

Clark opened his hazed eyes as he yelped and cried out with each slap on his ass, and he looked at his wrists, red and nearly rubbed raw, and realized he'd taken some of his own power back from his lover to do it. He didn't care though, because even as he shoved it back to him the pleasure of the smacks was both agonizing and full of pleasure. He'd never been spanked like this without his natural barriers to pain, and he cried out with each hit, tears catching in his eyelids as his cock hardened beyond anything it had ever been, dripping at the tip and raw and angry.

Lex didn't stop when he felt the power seeping back into him, but he did make sure that none of his stripes to Clark's skin was harder than they should have been. Less hard than Lex knew he could stand, and even as he spanked his lover's ass, his cock started to nudge at Clark's opening. The head pressed forward, nudging against the plug still inside his lover's ass, and Lex dropped the strap to wrench the plug out and let his cock sink deeply into his lover's body.

Clark screamed out loud when the plug was ripped out of his burning ass and a hard, long, thicker thing--Lex's cock, Clark, oh god!--slid inside of him. His scream got caught somewhere in his Adam's apple and he sagged, ass presented, cock stone along his belly, as his lover filled him. More, and thicker, and new but still Lex, still Lex and Clark screamed again, and again, when his lover nudged past his prostate and slid deep until he lodged... right... *there* and Clark bucked as his lover rubbed against the nub from the inside and it was so spectacularly arousing that he shuddered, mind blanking, heart slamming in his chest, tingles spreading over his body at the *feeling*

Lex pushed, firmly and insistently, seating every inch of his new, improved cock in Clark's ass. His hands dug into Clark's hips, leaving finger marks on the beautiful tan skin as Lex started to haul him back, even as he pulled back to start stroking. Each push of Lex's cock slid past his lover's prostate, slamming against it on each stroke in and out, a constant pressure and barrage against the little gland. "Who... do you belong... to?" Lex gritted out, his belly pressing against Clark's hot, red ass.

"You, Lex, you!" Clark screamed out, body shuddering, ripples of sensation working from his ass outward and it was so unspeakably *hot*, so *good*, so fucking *incredible*. His body was a mass of feeling, his cock was a rock hard need between his thighs, and his ass burned but it was good, so very, very good. He jerked, keening high in his throat as his lover moved against him, stroking each thrust inside of him like he was meant for it and Clark was in ecstasy. He jerked, writhing, feeling like a bitch in heat at the end of his lovers cock but he didn't care, didn't *care*.

Once he was satisfied with the rhythm of his strokes, Lex's hands reached up and brought Clark's hands behind his back. "Mine, you don't touch what's mine, *nobody* touches what's mine, I will kill them first," he snarled, keeping Clark's wrists together at the small of his back as he fucked his lover roughly, his cock sliding out to the rim before slamming the entire length back inside in a single surging thrust.

Lex grasped his hands and Clark had no choice but to press his shoulders into the mattress, hands at the small of his back and face pressed into a pillow. It opened him up more, made him feel raw and aching and open all over, and the pleasure was taking away all lucidity, though he sobbed out loud and nodded furiously. His balls felt drawn and tight, heavier than they ever had, and the feeling only increased with each slamming fuck into his ass. Lex was moving fast and hot, vibrant like the sun, and Clark wailed out gibberish as he pushed as much as he could back into his lover, begging for a touch to the hard length dribbling onto the sheets.

Lex leaned over his lover further, managing to cover most of Clark's body with his own, driving his cock deeper as he inched closer to his lover's body. His teeth bit hard on Clark's shoulder, leaving a ring of teeth marks that didn't quite break the skin but brought the blood rushing to the surface anyway as his grip kept his lover's arms pinned to the side. He was listening in the link for any hint of pain, or any sign that he should stop, but his brain was quickly being taken over by this frenzied thing that just wanted to mate with Clark until he was broken.

Clark screamed again when his lover bit his shoulder, and he could vaguely hear, over his rushing heart, the sound of the headboard slamming against the wall. He knew they were giving those in the house a rousing show but he did. Not. Care, not when Lex was buried deep, slamming into the deepest recesses of himself and making him want and ache. Lex drove him above and beyond all Clark had ever felt, and his gibberish died away as the glory of this hard, gorgeous fuck made him reel. A part of him that was still thinking coherently wondered if this was how it was between all Kryptonian aushna', but he couldn't really think outside of ohfuckthisfeelsgood. He shuddered, body bucking back into each of his lovers long, hard thrusts, eyes rolling back, cock aching to the point of being unbearable until he finally sobbed, "Touch, touch me please!"

"Not yet," Lex rasped out, rubbing his cheek against Clark's neck as he thrust forward, keeping Clark's hands behind his back. "Don't want you to come, not yet, not yet." His cock throbbed inside Clark, feeling like it was expanding, crowding everything else out of the way in order to make room for his hard strokes into his lover. He twisted Clark's hips just a little bit, changing his thrusting angle so that he rubbed not only against Clark's prostate, but he could *feel* the little protrusion of bone in Clark's back scraping and wiggling under his strokes.

Clark sobbed, screaming out loud, nonsense things as his lover ruthlessly fucked him into submission, and it was one of the most erotic moments of his entire life. His cock felt huge, red and hot and raw, and Clark knew one hard stroke would have him coming, coming, coming. The thrusts inside of him, pushing against his bump, across his prostate, made the pressure in his groin unbelievable and he was shuddering, shaking, bucking hard into Lex's thrusts, pushing and moving and fucking himself on the hard cock inside of him. He was drenched in sweat from head to toe, his legs had pins and needles where they were pressed tight to Lex's thighs, and he felt his lovers balls slapping his own with each hard, grinding thrust.

Lex pulled Clark's wrists a little further up on his back, exposing the small of it. He let go, shifting his grip on Clark's wrists to just one hand instead of both, and slammed the other palm down on the little bump as he drilled his cock into his lover as deep as he could go. Knew Clark still had the cock ring on but didn't think for a moment as he screamed his orgasm, balls swelled to their limit pumping their come into his lover, shuddering *hard* as he humped his cock forward, sending his seed as deep into Clark's body as he could.

Clark screamed out loud when his lovers cock grew bigger inside him, just for a moment, as he came, hands grinding on the bump. His entire world centered on the fact that Lex had just exploded inside of him, the hot, searing feeling of his come rushing through him, and hadn't let Clark come. He shuddered, hard, beyond speech, or hearing, or anything like that as his cock boiled between his thighs and he knew he should have come, could *feel* it right there, but couldn't and he *wanted* to so badly.

As soon as his orgasm was finished, Lex let go of his lover's arms and rolled onto his back, Clark lying easily on his chest. Lex's legs wrapped around Clark's as he slipped his arms around Clark's waist, quickly unfastening the cock ring and jerking Clark's cock in his hand. "Come on, Clark, come for me, now," he said, rolling his hips and thrusting his cock still buried deep inside his lover as an incentive.

Clark was pulled with his lover onto his back, and he stared unseeing at the ceiling as Lex did something at his crotch and *jerked*, and Clark was lost. He arched up, a deep, keening, totally inhuman sound erupting from his throat as he jerked his exhausted hips up into Lex's hands and then down into the cock still filling him, up once more and he exploded. He shook, feeling himself come, almost terrified over what he knew would be the force of his orgasm, but then it caught and lifted him up and Clark couldn't even scream. He jerked, pleasure like he'd never felt washing through him until his knuckles were white in the sheets around him, body bowed, arched into the touch.

Lex gave a wolfish grin as Clark's orgasm hit. He could feel the force of it, running like a freight train through his body as well as his lover's, and he jerked when Clark did, like he'd been electrified, his cock thumping and shuddering inside his lover as it stayed tightly and firmly planted inside Clark's body.

He didn't stop stroking until he felt the tremors in Clark's body starting to subside, and he clung tightly to his lover. "Mine," he breathed in Clark's ear. "Mine."

Clark shook, absolutely, one hundred percent *sated*, ecstasy still swimming through his body until he thought he'd faint from it. He closed his eyes, chest heaving, his heart slamming in his chest until he gave a low, deep, heartfelt moan he could barely contain. "Y-yours."

"Mine." Lex sniffed once in contentment, nuzzling Clark's earlobe as he left his lover lying on top of him. "Did I hurt you?" he asked, after a long moment's consideration.

He shook his head, breathing hard as he fought to keep this glorious high, and shivered all over. He felt like he'd been turned inside out, and his ass was burning both inside and out, and his cock was tingling and his nipples were hard as rock from post-orgasmic bliss, and his skin felt hot and flushed all over.

And he. Was sleepy.

Lex, still in possession of his lover's powers, cuddled his sleepy lover closer on his chest. "Sleep," he murmured softly.

Clark moaned softly, shivering and back arching, his mind gratefully blank from all his pain and anger. He moaned again and twisted a little so they got on their sides, and squeezed around Lex's cock, groaning softly as he reached down to rub his own spent cock, carefully squeezing it once, twice, to make sure there was no more come inside of it. He shivered and curled up, pulling at the blankets and Lex's arms around him. "I love you."

"I love you, aushna'," Lex murmured softly, tucking the blankets warmly around Clark's shoulders and snuggling him in closer, now that they were turned over and spooned together. He dropped soft kisses on the back of his lover's neck, nuzzling softly as his fingers sought, found, and linked with Clark's.

Clark moaned softly, and shifted his hips, because by now Lex would pull out of him. He shifted again, spreading his thighs a little to show Lex he could...then opened his eyes and looked over his shoulder. "Lex?"

"Mmm?" he asked, eyes mostly closed as he was snuggled tightly against his lover.

"Y're inside me. Should… get out?"

"Mmph. Go to sleep, Clark," Lex muttered.

A strange sense of dread eclipsed the pleasure, and Clark shook his head. "No. You have... to get out, Lex," he said, eyes drooping sleepily even as he knew he had to do this. "Can't... you have to."

One eye creaked open and glared.

Clark drew back the smallest bit from that glare, but he lifted his chin, matching his own glare to it. "Get out of me, Lex."

The other eye cracked open and added to the glare. "No."

Clark's desperation kicked up a notch. "Lex, please. Get out of me." He prodded at their link to pull his powers back, and found it blocked. "Lex, you have to."

"Isn't it what you're so sad over?" Lex asked, mystification creeping into his voice. "You miss Mar-El." He felt Clark trying to tug his powers back, and hadn't realized he'd clamped down on them. But he didn't let them go either.

"Yes, I miss him, but this...no, Lex, no," Clark whispered, trying to move his hips again, to pull them away.

Lex kept his grip on Clark's hip tight, but not bruising. "We can't ever have him back, Clark, I know that, but we can have a child of our own," Lex said softly. "Then you won't be so sad anymore."

The very thought made Clark shudder all over. "No. Not yet… no," he whispered, and felt his body ripple around Lex's cock, around the long, hard length. "No, Lex, no."

Lex closed his eyes and put his forehead on Clark's shoulder. "I just can't stand seeing you so sad all the time," he said in a small whisper. "I'm just trying to make things right."

"Not like this," Clark whispered back, grasping Lex's hands tightly. "Lex, no. Not like this. We're not ready for a baby."

"But it will make you happy," Lex said, his voice getting smaller and smaller as he let Clark's powers go and felt them oozing out of him.

Clark took them back as Lex let them go, and felt his lovers helplessness, his fear, and his sadness with them. Clark bit his lip tightly and squeezed Lex's hands, bringing them to his lips to kiss. "It won't make me happy, Lex. We're not ready for a child. I'm sorry I've been acting this way… I tried to internalize a lot of it. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, made you worry, made you grieve, aushna'."

Lex pulled his hips away from Clark, slowly letting his massive cock slide out of the tight clasp of his lover's body. As soon as he was free, he scooted right back, spooning up against Clark and squeezing his fingers tightly. "I just wanted to make you feel better," Lex said. "I wanted.. I wanted to give you what I thought you wanted."

Clark lifted his top leg a bit to help his lover, the uncomfortable feeling of pulling out making him wince, but then they were separated, everything settled, and Lex was back, hugging him close. "I know. But I don't want a baby, Lex. Not yet. Someday, yeah. But not yet. I don't think we'd survive a kid, or he us. We're not parents yet, Lex, not like Dominic and Lionel." He squeezed Lex's hand. "I'm just messed up, baby."

"I'm sorry," Lex apologized. "I should have known that, I just... it hurts me when you're sad. I thought that if I made sure we had a family again, it would be better for you."

"You're my family," Clark murmured, and kissed Lex's fingers. Guilt settled over him and washed out the last bits of pleasure from before, and he exhaled softly and snuggled into the blankets and pillows. "Go to sleep, now."

"Okay," Lex agreed softly, spooned up tightly around Clark's back. "I'm sorry," he said again, and kissed the back of Clark's shoulder. "I didn't mean to ruin things."

"You didn't," Clark said softly, and looked over his shoulder at his lover. "I love you, Lex."

"I did," Lex said softly, and raised up to meet his lover's look. "I love you, Clark."

 

-fin-

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