The Memoirs

"You know, this isn’t fair." He stepped around the little wall--and YES! The girls bathroom WAS prettier! HEY! It was all clean and tidy and shit! Where was the toilet paper all over the floor? Where was the grime and grit?! "Okay. I’m officially getting a uterus. Look at this place! What the hell?"

Chloe gave him a despairing sigh and hugged Shayla softly. They were sitting on the sinks, hugging gently, and she offered a soft sigh.

Shayla sniffled a laugh at that. "You... okay, you can have my uterus, but I want your dick okay? We'll trade." She held tightly to Chloe, and didn't look up at Clark.

"Man, I’m so up for that trade." Clark said it, nodding, and peaked into the empty stalls. "I wish our bathroom looked like this. Usually there’s something floating, and piss all over the floor. You could probably contract about fifteen different diseases from it. But this...yeah. it even smells nice." A heavy sigh as he turned, leaning his back against one of the small plastic separators between the stall doors, and motioned a hand, crossing his feet at the ankle. "You don’t want my dick. Apparently, its wrapped in bologna."

"Ewwww. Okay. That's like, more information than I ever wanted to know about you, Clark. There's like, three people in the world who should know that, and since I'm not your mama, your daddy, or Lex, I AIN'T ONE OF 'EM!"

"Made you stop crying a second, didn’t it?"

Chloe choked down a grin and gently hugged her friend, stroking her hair as Urma Lawrens walked in... took one look at the lounging Clark… blinked... and kind of didn’t know whether to leave or pee.

"Am I in your way?" Clark asked, stepping to the side. "Sorry about that."

"I... am not using the bathroom with you in here, Clark Kent."

"Then hold it. I’m not leaving."

"I'll tell the principal!"

"And I'll tell your boyfriend what exactly it is you do every week after practice.”

A glare. "You’re a miserable shit, Clark."

"I know. it amuses me. Leave."

"Yeah, get the fuck out. Can't you see there's a crying person in here?" She sniffed and grinned at Clark. "Yeah, it did. Just for a minute, though, you know." Another cheesy grin and another shaky sob.

"Just a minute, yeah." Clark moved so he was leaning on the sink--he sat on it, and all 270 pounds of him were going to break it. So weird, cause he was skinny as a rail. He leaned back against it, on her side, and peered at her. "Pete’s a bastard. Says the guy who’s known him for 12 years."

"He is not," she sniffled in defense of her boyfriend. Even if he didn't want to talk to her right now. "He's not a bastard at all."

"Sure he is. Proud, too. Holds grudges, and holds on to pain. We love the little shit, though why we do is always kind of blank in my head. And yeah, so obvious he loves you. You made a mistake, and since I’ve learned that lesson the hard way, I say you go ahead and go and talk to him, alright?"

"Or ignore him, and the guilt will eat him alive until he comes begging at your feet. That ones the funner one."

"I tried. I tried talking to him and explaining to him and he said if that was the way that I felt he was going to stop being nice and he told me he was really mad at me and didn't want to talk to me so I just left."

"Woo!" And Clark smiled as Chloe snorted at him. "Then you get to let him beg. You’re angry now, right? That he'd think you'd be mean to him? Then ignore him, and let him come back begging."

"I'm not angry, just sad." She grabbed a handful of paper towels from the dispenser. "And I'm not going to the two classes I have with him. I'm not, and you can't make me, I don't care if you carry me to class and sit on me, I won't stay." Shook her head firmly. "Not gonna."

"Shayla, if you don’t go, you'll be consumed by a ravenous disease of... uh... meteoritis." A nod.

Chloe's eyes widened, considerably, as she looked up. "Clark, please take your foot out of your mouth."

"Huh?"

"Shay doesn’t know about the meteors."

"What about what meteors?" She looked up as she dried off her face, scrubbing gently.

"Nothing, sweetie." Chloe assured, nodding and hugging her gently. "A conversation for waay, way way later. Come on, lunch is almost over… lets go drink our cokes and sit around for a while."

"I could--" Clark reached over and easily plucked Shayla from her seat on the sink, putting her over his shoulder and peering upwards. "Or we could do it the easy way. Lemme know, before we walk down the hall and you present your ass to all of Smallville High."

"Put me down, Clark. I'm okay with fifth. Just not... anything after that."

"No. Either you go to class, or you're going to let everyone see your ass." He started for the door.

"I'll scream."

"I can scream louder."

"Yeah, but girl screams get more attention, cause we're girls. Who knows what you big bad boys could be doing to us." She banged the toes of her boots helplessly against Clark's chest. "I'm not going to class with Pete. Not going to class and sit beside someone who can't stand me, and who doesn't want me around. Just... I can't, okay?"

He sighed, grabbed her ass, and pulled her from his arms. He pulled her down in front of her, straightened her shirt, and really looked. "Want to skip with me?"

"I'd love to." She nodded fiercely. "I'm just... yeah. That sounds great."

"I’m only skipping with you so we can talk. There is no avoidance issues, are we clear? Chloe, say a word and I'll chop your hair off." He glared at her, and her mouth shut with a little click. "As for you, Shay, we're gonna get some coffee, go to my barn, and talk. Aces?"

"Yeah, that's good. No avoidance, cross my heart." She looked up at him. "I left my coat and stuff at the table."

"My bag’s there, too. I'll get ‘em and--" The bell rang from above them. "We better be quick, Principal Asskick didn’t earn his name for nothing."

"I'll wait outside the bathroom for you, and it'll look like you're walking me to class, okay?"

"Aces."

And fifteen minutes later, after snagging their things, shrugging at Whitney, glancing at Pete softly, and sliding out of the building as easy as water, Clark was behind the wheel of the pick up truck. Shayla was beside him, tiny in the seat, and he glanced at her a little as they drove. It was a cold, but sunny day, and said sun shone brightly and beautifully out over the Kansas flat lands as prettily as if it was a summer day. And to Clark it felt that way. His jean jacket was on the seat between them, book bags on the floor, and he side glanced at her as he drove. "He was worried."

"Who, Pete? No, he wasn't," she said softly. "He doesn't want to talk to me."

"Shay, cut it out. Just cause you guys are fighting doesn’t mean he hates you. I mean, fighting is good for people."

"I'm not. I mean, you should have heard what he said. I opened myself up to you, and you think I'm spineless? Too nice? All right, I won't be too nice anymore. And I'll tell you I'm angry at you, and I don't really want to talk to you right now, if that's how you feel. That's what he said to me, Clark. He doesn't want to talk to me."

Clark shook his head, and gazed out the windshield. "Lex and I had a fight on Friday. A big one. The kind that can break people up. And we almost did, Shay," My aushna', my beautiful aushna'. "Except a friend convinced us both not to make that mistake. And I’m telling you now--if you love him, let him come back to you."

"I do love him, Clark. So much. It hurts. It hurts, this second, you know? My throat's tight, I've been crying in the bathroom for God's sake, and I don't do that. I'm not a girl. But this... yeah. I love him, but he's so angry at me right now, I don't think he wants to come back."

"Shay, I’m not going to argue with you anymore. However, what I will do is buy you coffee, and take you to my barn to hang out and watch soap operas, and maybe you'll get a little bit of common sense."

"I do have common sense," she protested. "I tried to explain. I mean... okay, Clark. You know my family. I mean, you've seen how we all get. Telling someone that they need to stand up for themselves? That's nothing."

"Yeah… but for Pete, its something. He's all about his masculinity, Shay." An offered smile. "Me, not so much. I was offering to trade you my dick for a uterus, alright? But for Pete… its something. He likes feeling all manly about a situation."

"And I got that, when he told me. And I tried to apologize, but he wouldn't listen. He didn't get that I didn't mean it like he took it."

"Sure, he did. He's just hanging on to his pain. Member? I told you he does it a lot, sweetie." He pulled into a parking spot... and right away noticed Lex's Porsche. Meep! Busted! He winced and almost ducked, but knew it wouldn’t have done any good. The link was stronger now that they were close, and Lex had to know.

Fuck.

"I am so dead."

"AJ? He won't rat on you."

Lex was burying a smirk as he turned towards the door. He was just waiting to see Clark slide in through the door. Odd, how being around Clark could make the crap and the anger that he felt over his father and Dominic disappear.

"That’s what you think." He opened the truck, tugging the keys from the ignition and pulled on his jean jacket. "I’m so busted I live in bustedville, where I’m going to get a reaming for skipping school." He glared at Shay. "Look at what I do for you."

Shayla slid on her jacket. "Okay. Give me your order, I'll go in and get it, and AJ won't ream me out."

"Yeah right. He knows I’m here." Clark sighed, waiting till she was beside him to open the door to the little cafe.

Crap. He could see his lover all the way from here, pinpointed him immediately, and was just... shamed.

Dammit.

He smiled a little, trying not to look guilty, and swallowed as he and Shay walked in.

"Well... I'll probably get it when I get home later, but fuck it."

Lex's eyebrow was elevated as he watched them come in. "Clark... Shayla. Field trip?"

"I..." Clark swallowed, and shifted a little, stepping closer... then dropping into the seat across from his lover. Right about now he'd be looking at him from under his curls… except his curls were gone. Dammit. Now he remembered why he'd kept his hair long. His cheeks pinked and he looked down in shame, tugging Shayla to the seat beside him. "We... uh... you see.."

"Yes?" Lex crossed his arms, and crooked his eyebrow higher. This is going to be good, his expression said.

But as he studied his lover, a small sadness crept into his thoughts. The hair was gone and different, the clothes were different, even a little something about the attitude was different. It was Clark, but it was a different Clark, and it saddened him slightly.

Clark felt it. Like he felt the sun and the rain, he felt his lovers sadness, and reached across the table, taking both his hands. He linked their fingers, gazing into his baby's eyes, and murmured, "Trust me."

Lex wound his fingers back through Clark's, ignoring Shayla for just a moment. "I do," he said softly, rubbing the back of Clark's hands with his thumbs.

"I love you."

Lex looked into Clark's eyes, one of the few things that hadn't changed. "I love you," Lex replied quietly. "I do."

"Are you upset?" And they both knew what Clark was asking.

"Not at you," came the soft answer.

"Something’s wrong." What is it, my aushna'? Clark squeezed the slender fingers, not giving a shit who was watching, and Shayla just... faded from his mind, as he gazed at his lover. Fierce pride, and fierce need to keep him safe warred for majority rule in his head, as he gently stroked his much larger thumbs against the back of Lex's hands. "Talk to me, baby."

Shayla took the opportunity to escape. Not far, just to the counter to order, and she hoisted herself up on one of the barstools as she ordered.

Lex shook his head gently. "What it always is; my father, Dominic, mixed messages and bad blood." He left his hands in Clark's, letting the gentle rubbing attempt to soothe his thoughts.

"What happened with them?" Alright. Worry now. He squeezed the gentle hands, staying where he was because it was easier to gaze at his love this way. He tipped his head, looking at him as he touched his hands, and squeezed them again. "Baby, tell me."

"At home," he said quietly. "I don't want to talk about it in public; if I have another tantrum, at least I will be breaking my own things and not another meter maid’s car."

"That was still fun." He murmured, and climbed to his feet, taking his lovers hands. "Let me get Shay, hold on." He let go of his love and walked to the counter top. "Shay… Shayla? Come on, we've got to go home. Something bad happened, we've got to get AJ home."

Shayla nodded. "Okay. I'm good with that. You put him in the truck, and I'll drive the Porsche home for him?" she asked hopefully. Porsches were fast; she could get away before anyone knew she was gone.

"No. I need you to drive the truck home, and I'll get his Porsche. Its stick drive, Shay. Can you drive?" He shook his head. "He can‘t drive right now, sweetie. He looks..." He looked back at his lover, and back to her. "Remember I told you he and I had fought? This is still some of that. I need to get him home safely."

"Okay, but I don't know where you live. You'll have to give me directions," she said, holding her hand out for the keys. Nobody deserved to feel the way she was feeling, especially not AJ.

"Just come back with us to the mansion, sweetie." He handed her the keys without another look and quickly walked back to his lover, smiling down at him and tucking a long arm around him. "Come on, baby. Lets go home."

"Right." Shayla paid for her coffee, put a lid on it, and shoved her change in her pocket as she juggled Clark's keys and found the right one. Her jacket still lay draped over a chair and she picked it up, going outside ahead of them and settling in behind the wheel.

Lex wrapped his arm around Clark's waist, and his head fit comfortably against Clark's shoulder. "Yeah. Home. Home would be good." He laughed softly. "You know... I slept all goddamned night, and I'm still tired."

"I know. When did all this happen?" Clark led Lex outside, rubbing his side softly and keeping him close as he slipped his hand into Lex's coat pocket and got the keys out. He beeped the Porsche open and held a door open for his lover, smiling at him a little. "If it helps, you still look ravishing, aushna'."

A soft laugh from Lex. "This morning. During the stupid fucking press conference. I'm surprised you haven't heard already."

"Class. Skipping the last hour and a half of it. What happened?" Clark stepped around the Porsche, making sure Shayla got into his parents truck okay... and wondered the intelligence of letting her drive it a split second before revving the Porsche into life. "What happened with your dad?"

"Officially? My father came out to the international press, saying that he was having an affair with Gina's--that's Megan, by the way--brother. Unofficially? He and Dominic got married over the past weekend and somehow neglected to tell me."

Blink. Clark was so very glad his foot wasn’t on the accelerator, because he would have rammed into the truck. He blinked... once. Coughed. Eyes wide. "Holy shit."

"Yes, well, imagine my surprise when I was confronted with pictures of my father--thankfully Dominic's face didn't show--with another man on the beach somewhere."

"Your dad... came out. Because he’s married now? To Mr. Senatori?" A moment...and he gazed at his lover. "Are you angry they got married, baby?"

"I'm not angry they got married, Clark. I could frankly care less, and if I were slightly less angry I'm sure I would be happy for them. What I am angry about is the fact that I was not told about this. Not before it happened, not after it happened, not even before the conference. I had to find out about from a complete bastard stranger, confronted with photographs that I knew nothing about, and then needled by Dominic until I could no longer rein in my temper and I walked out."

Oh, boy. Clark pulled out of the parking, motioning for Shayla to follow him out of Lex's window, and gazed at his lover as much as he could while driving. "Oh, baby. I’m sorry. Have you talked to your dad… asked him why he didn’t tell you?"

"No, I didn't. I left the press conference, went up to my father's office, cleaned out his liquor cabinet, and then started on Dominic's. I ended up trapped on the other side of my father's office door and I had to listen to them for nearly half an hour before they went out to lunch with Marie and the brats and I could escape to the helicopter and Smallville."

Oh, boy. Clark reached over, gently touching his lovers knee and squeezing… then looking for his hand. "Aushna', beloved, I’m sorry. You’ve had such a hard morning, I’m so sorry. But… but maybe? You should talk to your dad. It sounds like it might be a mistake... maybe they didn’t tell anyone they were gonna get married?"

"I'm not just anyone, Clark."

"I know you're not, baby, I’m sorry."

"No... don't be sorry. You don't have anything to be sorry about. I shouldn't have snapped."

"No.." Clark smiled a little. "I was saying I’m sorry over the situation. This sucks. Do... do you want me to ask them? Why? Or... or maybe you should?"

"I'm past caring, Clark. I had been under the mistaken impression that my father and Dominic and I were building something, trust, and I have been proven wrong. In the face of that? I am truly past caring what my father and Dominic do or don't do."

Clark frowned, deeply, and drove quietly until they were almost to the mansion before speaking again. He was keeping close tabs on Shay… making sure she didn’t hit anything, but when they finally got the castle and he parked in front of it, he gazed at his lover. "Talk to them. Don’t let your pride get the best of you."

"It's not pride anymore, Clark." He put his hand on his lover's arm. "It's... it's past that and into... I suppose it's acting like a petty child. But my feelings have been hurt. One too many times, without regard. I opened myself up again, I wanted my dad back badly enough to do what I swore that I would not and I allowed myself to care and I have yet again, gotten hurt. I am going to, for once, act like the smart man I am, and stop it before it goes further."

He frowned again, softly, and looked down at Lex's hand on his arm. A moment... then back up. "If I hurt your feelings one too many times, without regard, will you push me out of your life too?"

Lex shook his head. "No. Because you, my aushna', are different. You are my heart and my soul; they aren't."

"You come from your father's heart and soul. Why is it so different?"

"Because I've lived a decade of my life without him, and I haven't lost my sanity yet." He looked up at Clark. "A few hours without you nearly cost me that."

Clark shook his head, squeezed the hand on his arm, and looked in the rear view mirror at Shay before back to his lover. "Ask yourself something. You and your father haven’t had a better relationship then what you’ve been having recently, ever. You and Dominic are becoming friends again. Why do you think they'd both, both, jeopardize that? Its obvious your dad’s nuts about you, and Dominic likes you a lot. Why, Lex? Why would they do it?"

When it became apparent that Clark and Lex were going to stay in the Porsche for a while, Shayla slid out of the truck, picked up her backpack and jacket, and carried the keys to the car. "I'm going to go in and start on my homework," she said softly, and laid the keys on the hood before darting back in the house.

Lex gave a slightly bitter laugh. "You know, I'd asked myself that same question. I've come to the conclusion that it was so I'd back this merger with LuthorCorp and get Bruce Wayne on board."

"Do you really think so? Do you think your dad... alright, your dad might be that sneaky, but Mr. Senatori? He's not. He's the anti sneaky, and he likes you. I mean, he really likes you. Why, Lex? And with your dad loving him and all, I don’t think he'd do it either. Talk to him, Lex."

"Why? Dominic does whatever my father tells him to, Clark. Recall, if you will, that his liking me didn't keep him from coming into my house and stealing files off my computer, or coming here and harassing me about firing people from the plant, or about my finances. If my father told Dominic to suck my dick, I've no doubt he'd be on his knees."

"A year ago."

"Those files were stolen months ago, Clark. Before the plant explosion."

Clark looked down at his lap again… shook his head a little, then up to his lover. "You and Pete should talk." Stubborn pride meeting stubborn pride.

"And we both know just how likely that is, as Mr. Ross despises me for my father's purchase of his family's plant."

"Lex, I knew your dad last year, too. Not as much as you, obviously, but I know what a butthead he's been to people in the past. But lately... the last six months lately… he's just not. He got married again, and stuff. I mean... redemption's a hard road, but he's walking it. He's making up for mistakes he's made. So… yeah. I mean. And stuff."

"Then it's a road he can travel without his son," Lex said quietly. "Because he no longer has one."

Oh, and it hurt. Clark gazed at him...sighed, softly, and looked down at the keys in his lap again. "Lets go inside, come on."

"All right." Lex opened the passenger door, and got out. Sudden cold wind gusted through, and Lex pulled his black duster tightly around himself, bare hands deep in his pockets as he walked around to the other side of the car, to meet his lover.

Clark was bleeding inside. He wanted so badly to help his lover, and knew, aside from beating Lionel in the head, he couldn’t help. So he just took Lex's hand, pulled it close into the crisp newness of his jean jacket coat, and walked with him up the steps.

"Don't hurt for me, Clark," Lex said quietly. "It's not worth it."

"You're an idiot." He said it back, softly but earnestly, adoringly, even as he walked up the steps.

It brought a smile to his face. "So I've been told." Once they were inside, Lex brought Clark's hand to his mouth for a kiss. "I'm a lucky idiot."

"I love you, Lex. No matter what problems we're having... I adore you." Clark looped his arm around his lovers waist, pulling him close to his body. "I love you so much. You’re beautiful to me."

"I love you, Clark." He nestled into Clark's side. "I don't like having problems with you."

"They'll go away. Time heals all wounds." ...A moment. "I’m sorry. My platitude gene comes directly from my dad’s side of the family. It just sort of got in me too." A heavy sigh that amused him, and he held his lover close. "Do… I… do you like? M… me? The..." He was blushing softly. "This me?"

Lex couldn't help the abrupt snort of laughter. "Just sort of? I'd say Jonathan bred it into you quite well." He leaned away for a minute to check out the new look. "You're still you, Clark, haircut and clothing aside." He sighed. "I do like it; I just... kind of miss the old you, too." He gave the tip of Clark's nose a kiss. "Give me a day or two to get used to you."

"I feel confident." He wrinkled his nose into the kiss, walking towards the kitchen. Today called for Ms. Bird, pastry of some sort, and much milk. "You like the other me better?"

"I am more used to the other you," Lex clarified. "But you're still you, whether you're the old you or the new you."

He grinned crookedly. "We sound like a daytime talk show, by the way." But he pushed the door open... and had to grin down at his puppy. Sleeping on his big fluffy blanket by his bowl, and Clark didn’t wake him, just beaming before up to, "Thank you, Ms. Bird."

Samson's sleepy head poked up. The Clark? Did he hear and smell the Clark? He did!!!! "Yip?" he cried sleepily, little pink tongue wagging as he yawned.

"Oh, my baby, I’m here." Clark crouched and offered his arms out to his little baby.

Another sharp little yip, another big yawn, and Samson padded over to the Clark, hopping up into huge hands and licking one thumb. The Clark! His tail wagged happily and he yawned a third time.

"Aren’t you a sleepy baby." Clark nuzzled him softly... then gazed up at his lover, and just leaned over, setting Samson in his arms. He did it wordlessly, and turned back to the lovely Ms. Bird, reaching out to steal a cookie from the plate warming. "We'd had kind of a hard day, Ms. Bird… any good munchies?"

Lex's arms moved to cradle the little puppy, scratching behind his ears and rubbing his soft fuzzy tummy as Samson exposed it to him. "Hey there, little guy," Lex said softly, scrunching up the elbow of his jacket so there was something soft for Samson to roll around on. "You look happy."

Didn't understand a word, but hey... pets. Strokes. Cuddles. Now, this is good. Only one thing would make it better. Treats! Samson treats. He wagged his tail and squirmed to get closer to The Lex as soon as he was dropped in the Lex's arms.

Ms. Bird looked around. "Dis es my keechun, Clark. Dere is alvays somethink good to eat."

Clark smiled softly, and kissed her cheek. "I'll find something." Which he did. He took out a little plate, piled it with the cookies, got a huge glass of milk they could share and started back out with a wave to the elderly lady. "Come on, Lex. Want to go watch a movie in your theater?"

"What do you think, Samson?" he asked quietly. "Movie?"

"Bawr?" He wagged his tail, and then, since the Lex didn't seem... Lexy like he usually did, Samson licked him. Once. Right smack on the mouth.

Lex didn't say anything for a second, and then, just cuddled Samson right up against his cheek. "Look at you. A kiss on the first date, before the movie. You're a loose puppy, my friend." He looked up at Clark. "We think a movie's good."

Clark tsked. Loudly. "First you poop everywhere, and Shane eats it. Then you eat Dominic’s loafers... we won’t tell him bout that, kay? And now, now, you're seducing my aushna'." He sighed dramatically at his little puppy, and slapped the back of his palm to his forehead. "Whatever am I going to do? I can’t compete with you, Samson!"

Samson cocked his head, from the safe cocoon of Lex's arms, and just looked at the Clark. Didn't bark, didn't yip, just looked.

Clark cracked up. Just threw his head back at the 'Well, duh. You can’t. Isn’t it obvious?' look his pup had just given him, and reached in to kiss his head...then kiss Lex, just because he wanted to. He covered his lovers mouth with his own, brushing his lips tentatively... seductively and softly against his own. Warm, gently nudging as he flickered his tongue out, to taste. A slew of sensations that crawled up his brain and left him just a little breathless.

Lex shifted Samson carefully so he wouldn't get crushed as he kissed his aushna' gently, lips opening and accepting the flickering tongue, sucking it gently and begging it to delve deeper into his mouth as he pressed his own lips closer, firming the kiss and trying to bring their bodies closer together. Kind of impossible with a dog, a huge glass of milk and a plate of cookies, but he tried nevertheless.

Squished Samson here people! He yipped, and when that didn't work, he barked. And when that didn't work... he bit. On whatever was closest, which happened to be Lex's jacket.

Lex barely felt it but shifted Samson a little further up, out of harm's way.

Clark’s fingers tightened around the cookies and milk… and then he sort of let go of his lover, set them on the nearest chair in the hall, and wound back around his love. He kissed him, hard, gently, begging him into his mouth as he wrapped his arms around his neck and back, kissing him as gently and softly as he could. He was aware of how beautiful they looked together… lips pressed close, eyes closed as they made those soft sucking and slurping sounds that went with kissing.

And he shared the image, with his lover.

Lex murmured softly into Clark's mouth as he was pulled closer, happy sounds that vibrated gently through his lover's mouth. He murmured again at the vision that Clark shared with him, seeing them pressed together and kissing was more than slightly erotic, even with Samson included.

He let go, finally, to catch a breath he hadn’t really needed, and peppered soft, warm kisses down his jaw and throat before he let go. He pressed his face close to Lex's, breathing his scent in, and whispered, "Did you find my notes?"

"Just the one in my briefcase," Lex panted softly, shifting so that Samson lay in the crook of his arm. "Haven't... had a chance to look elsewhere."

"Tomorrow." He kissed his lover again, though sweetly and softly, and smiled into that sweet face very gently. "My life. I love you."

"I love you, Clark. I love you so much. I want things... I want things with us to be good again, like they were before I fucked things up." He scratched the poor squished puppy behind his ears as he leaned his head against Clark's shoulders.

"I think they will be. Very soon." But he smiled at him. And because he loved his lover, so very deeply, he took his hand and led him back to the bedroom, milk and cookies in hand. "Did I ever tell you I like to write?"

"I hope they are." He carried Samson gently, and followed Clark. "No... I don't think you have; I know that I didn't know."

"I do. Don’t laugh?"

Lex shook his head. "I won't laugh. What do you like to write?" He didn't realize he was scratching the puppy as he carried it, or that he was snuggling it like a baby.

"A lot of stuff. I started out writing fic for TV..." A wince. "Yeah. Fanfic. Farscape was my favorite… I did some stuff for Buffy. Its kind of where I...I found out I was gay."

Lex... blushed.

Clark just grinned. "No, but I’m serious baby. I wrote a lot of Angel and Buffy stuff, and after a while... it didn’t feel right. It felt like me and Lana, you know? So... one day, a friend of mine, Crystal Shard. She told me that it would be okay, you know? To write gay fic… slash. So I did. And I was weirded… but it was cool, you know? I mean, I got off on it, and I liked writing it. So... I did it again. And again. And built up a little website of fics and stuff." And stuff being fan art, but there was only so much geekiness Clark was willing to tell at this moment.

"Clark Jerome Kent... if I have ever read anything that you have written, I swear to you on this puppy's head that I will never be able to look you in the eye EVER again," Lex growled.

He blinked. "You read fanfic?" He would have burst out laughing if his jaw wasn’t hanging open by the hinge. "You? That seems so… so... weird."

"I do a lot of things at three in the morning when I can't sleep because my dick is hard and I didn't have the boyfriend I wanted," Lex pointed out.

Oh. He brightened, considerably. "Okay. Well, that’s a conversation for later. Anyway, I wrote fic for about three years. Buffy, Farscape, X-Files was great. That was pretty much all slash stuff for the X-Files. Anyway, I got bored with it. There aren’t any good shows on TV anymore, so... I started writing stuff that was mine. And...its sort of… yeah. Really important to me." A beat. "You jack off to slash fic?"

"Don't ever tell me your pen name, Clark. And yes, I did." He glared, but then it softened. "What are you writing now?"

He was outrageously cheered. "AngelsRedemption. Was my name, and my website." A moment. "Its... its.... alright, I hate to quote, but its a story about love. Above all else, love. ..Don’t make me break out into song over the bohemian revolution, alright?"

"Christ on a goddamned cross." Lex threw himself down on the huge maroon bed. "I told you not to tell me."

Clark blinked at his lover, and at the puppy still in his arm looking right at him with huge, soulful green eyes. "Why?" He leaned over and crawled over his lovers back, reaching down to nuzzle his cheek with his lips.

"Because up until this instant? Ministers of Glory used to be one of my favorite stories."

Clark beamed so hard he was just about pink, rolling over and leaning on his side, up on one elbow. "Yeah?? I won some net awards for that."

Another deep growl. "Yes, I know. I voted."

He couldn’t have beamed any harder. "Really? All this time, my aushna was reading my fic and I didn’t know." He grinned. "'Believe' is about you and me."

Samson's head perked up at that. Growl? What? Where? Who was in trouble? why was the Lex growling at the Clark? Samson pulled himself up on Lex's chest and padded down, headbutting Lex's hand from over his face and licking him wildly.

Clark grinned and rolled himself to sit up, pulling his legs in to sit Indian style as he watched his lover and puppy. "I wrote it after I saved your life. Because… yeah. Emotions were running rampant, and I felt something, and you were the first guy I kissed. I mean, cause, yeah. CPR. But the after stuff… yeah. I mean… yeah. So I wrote it about us, and how I was feeling."

"Ick. Samson... buddy.. okay. No more growling at Clark. Honest." He stroked the back of a downy soft ear. "Ministers of Glory I liked because of the idea that in the end, no matter what someone had done, they deserved to be love." He listened quietly. "Believe... Believe I liked because of the emotionalism in it; I should have recognized some of them."

"Yep, you should have. 'Mouth' was me really, really, really horny one night. I mean, really. No amount of jacking off was going to help. So I wrote, and wrote, and wrote. That’s why it ended up being so long, and why Angel and Xander fucked so hard and so... colorfully." He snorted wickedly and rolled onto his belly. "Why are you shy about it? I’m glad you've read my stuff, even though it means you're a total dork like the rest of us."

Lex glared over at his lover. "Do you realize how awkward it is to realize that you've jerked off to something your lover has written and you didn't know it?"

"Why? Most of it was about you, baby."

"And this is not making things better!"

"You were always Angel. I don’t know why... you come off as an Angel. Or maybe I do more, cause you can be really funny sometimes, but regardless. No matter what, the ends were always happy. Because... I wanted you and me to be happy."

"I come off as Angel because I brood," Lex corrected gently. "My funny thoughts I tend to keep to myself." Then he rolled over onto his side, letting Samson drop to the comforter between them as he petted. "We are happy, Clark. I just want all that to not have happened. I want us to be us again."

Clark smiled softly, and rubbed Lex's back gently. "I think maybe we are already. I feel you in my blood. Its a little awkward… but knowing you read my stuff… it helps." He leaned over to kiss his lovers nose. "It happened, but its good for us. Its good to grow as people, Lex. Staying in one place is not good for you."

"You're also very graphically inclined, and that's all I'm going to say. Though I can get you a scanner with a better resolution if you want to keep scanning in the charcoals." He wrinkled his nose gently. "I don't want to grow, Clark.. I'm afraid of who or what I will grow into."

Oh, God. Lex knew about the art. He winced, visibly, and blushed crimson...then decided to share the embarrassment. "You know Spike Lee? The writer who does all the fem slash? That’s Chloe." A beat...and he suddenly grinned and tugged his lover, holding him close and hugging him. "And all I can see for you, endlessly, is beauty and good fortune and kids."

Another harsh groan. "And I suppose you're going to tell me that Whitney is the one who posed for the cover shot on Chloe's website? Clark... I really, really didn't need to know all this."

"Actually..."

"No."

He shook his head and slipped his fingers into Lex's coat... sliding it from his shoulders and tugging him in. "I love you, aushna'. And... and if you're willing, I want to share my novel with you."

Lex looked up at Clark. "Of course I'm willing, Clark. I'm honored. I'm honored that you'd share it with me." He snuggled up close to his beloved. "LuthorCorp owns several publishing houses and finances a small group of independent publishers as well, if you're interested in that sort of thing."

"Nah." He shook his head firmly, and smiled at his love. "I love you, baby. But I’m gonna do it on my own. Whenever its ready, you know?" He squirmed up so they were both laying flat on their backs over the bottom of the bed, and looked at the ceiling. "AJ?"

Lex nodded, and moved into position beside Clark, plopping the sleeping Samson on his own belly as he scratched the dog's ears. "Yeah, Clark?"

"We're laying in bed at two in the afternoon on a Monday. How is this good?"

"It's good because I haven't killed anyone, I'm not nearly as drunk as I could be, and I haven't terrorized the local populace. It's good because my blood pressure is down, and the vein in my head has stopped throbbing."

"It's pretty, Lex. Contrary to popular belief, the inside of your head is really pretty. Your brain isn’t wormy at all... sort of smooth. And its got little blue electric sparks." He chuckled softly and gazed at his love.

Lex raised an eyebrow as he continued to study the ceiling for a moment, and then rolled his head over to look at Clark. "My brain gives off electric blue sparks? There may be more wrong with me than just a bad attitude."

"Yeah. I mean, not about the wrong part. I mean… its just pretty." ...He gazed at his love and cocked a brow. "You mean to tell me you didn’t know?"

"No, I didn't know."

"It wasn’t always like that." He shook his head. "Just after I claimed you."

Lex pondered, and then decided that for once, his inner science geek could shut the fuck up. "At least it's pretty and blue, though I would have thought purple would be the color."

The thought slid like butter into Clark’s brain and he snickered, rolling his head to look at Lex, and twined their fingers. "Naw. You’re a purple kind of guy enough on the outside... your brain isn’t going to match and coordinate, love."

"And why not? Everything else I have coordinates. Purple, gray, heather, black, the occasional deep maroon."

Heather?

Heather?!

"I see heather and I think the obnoxious girl who sat in front of me for the whole year last year and did nothing but spritz girly shit on her chest like it was water, and managed to nail me, every single time. Got me in the eye once. If I were human, she could have taken out an eye."

Lex snorted. "Then that would account for why my office smelled like a French whorehouse every time you left it," he said thoughtfully. "Heather is a quite attractive shade of gray and purple combined and feathered together. That sweater you liked so much? It was heather purple, or dusty purple, as Rico insists upon."

"Hey, now. Maybe I just like French whorehouses. Come on, Lex, I can’t say no to buxom females and can-can dancers. You should know me better than that." He grinned at him, and trailed a wide palm down his belly. "That sweater made the drool pool in my mouth every single time."

"Then you shouldn't have ripped it to shreds," Lex teased. "However, I do have a closet full of them."

"Are you kidding?" Clark snerked wickedly. "I thought about ripping it in half everyday for months. Every time you wore it, and it wasn’t often cause you know, you've got a big closet, but every time... wow. Yeah. Lana used to laugh at me, and ask if I wanted one like it."

"Do you want one like it?" Lex asked with half a grin. "Alterations can be made in no time; a day at the most and you'll have your very own Lex sweater."

"Are you kidding? The only thing I liked about it was how tight it was, and how great it felt ripping it off your body."

Lex snickered madly at that, and shuffled closer to Clark, so that they were pressed together from shoulder to hip. "Not to change the subject or anything, but... why are you and Shayla skipping?"

Uht oh. Clark glanced at his lover fearfully, and meeped quietly, hiding his face. "You’re not mad that I skipped?"

"Clark, if I got angry at you for skipping class, then I would be one of the biggest hypocrites that ever walked on the face of God's green earth." He squeezed the big hands that twined through his. "No, I'm not angry. Just curious."

Clark grinned at him and brought their hands up to his face. The dusky scents of touching things all day, intertwined with the lovely scent that was all them...kind of like lemons and peaches. It smelled like sin, and Clark brought their intertwined fingers up to look at them. Inherently masculine, wide jointed and palmed...and lovely. He loved getting shocks of pleasure from seeing Lex's pale fingers twined tightly with his own.

And it reminded him why he loved so deeply, and so much.

He gazed into flint gray eyes, smiling a little shyly, and shrugged a shoulder. "Shay and Pete shit. He and I are still... yeah." The smile slid away a little.

Lex was nothing if not adept at reading Clarkese. "Shay and Pete shit, I would assume, is Shayla and young Mr. Ross not getting along?" He rubbed his thumbs along Clark's hand. "Don't blame yourself, Clark. You... I am sure he blames me no matter what; persuade him that I was being selfish and demanding all of your time." He stroked Clark's skin softly. "He will believe that."

"I won’t lie about my aushna'." Fiercely spoken. "You are beautiful and wise and giving, and I won’t ruin you by saying those things to my friends. I am not ashamed of you, Oakenepel."

Lex's eyes flickered up at Clark. "I only want you and your friends to be together, Clark; he already dislikes me, and you and I will know the truth; what does it matter what others think?"

"Everything. Everything, Oakenepel! It matters everything! To have pride in yourself, and me, I have pride in you and I won’t say those things about you. You are mine, I am a reflection of you, and you of I, and I won’t lie about you, my everything, so my bigot minded friend will be friends with me again!"

Lex shook his head, and curled up tighter against Clark, putting his head on Clark's chest as Samson slid down to land behind him. "I am sorry, Kal-El; I did not mean to upset you. Forgive me; I only wanted what was best for you, and no one has felt that way about me before." He wound his arms around Clark's waist. "I meant no disrespect to you, aushna', or to how much you mean to me, my life."

"You anger me! Do you have so little self worth, Oakenepel?" He grasped Lex's shoulders and gave him a hard shake. "You are beautiful, you are kind, everything inside of me beats for you! You possess an alien and I a human being, and we are one. I will never lie about you, never make excuses for others, never. You are MINE!" he roared it, a little louder then he meant to, and crushed Lex in a hard embrace.

Lex didn't cry out when the arms around him tightened, because in an instant they adjusted to hold him comfortably tight. "I am sorry, Kal-El," Lex cried softly. "I am sorry; do not leave me again." He held tightly to Clark, face buried in his lover's warm, safe chest. "You are my soul, I love you with everything I am."

He was holding him fiercely, but his body trembled. He was angry out of panic, angry out of the need to tell his lover how much he meant, because he didn’t believe how much he was worth. Christ. Clark held him tighter, at a loss for words. "I love you, Oakenepel, I love you, do not…" He buried him close, held him tightly. "You are so beautiful, in every way possible. Never, never be frightened of who you are, of who I am, of what we are. Trust it. Understand the scope of what we are, beloved, my aushna‘, my mate."

Lex nodded, clinging just as tightly as Clark held him. "I want to give you everything because that's what you've given to me, and I don't know how to do that. I try; I hold on to what we are and I know that I could not live without you." He shuddered once. "I am not always strong, and you let me be weak."

"Beloved, my lover. I will give you anything, anything on this earth. I give you everything of me, everything I am. Baby, beloved, perfection. I will give you anything you ask for, and more. I'll give you the sun, I'll give you my heart, I'll give you the tears from my heart. Oake...Lex. You are my everything. Come to me when you're scared, come to me when you're angry, and I will be here for you. You give me so much, so much, baby, so much more then you think. Lex... Lex, everything, God, I love you."

Lex cried. The tears, the hurt, the anger, the betrayal he felt, everything that he'd locked up for the two decades he'd lived on this earth, he cried it out now. Cried it out to Clark, who didn't chastise him for being weak or unmanly; cried it out to the only person who would not berate him for how he felt, would simply let him feel it. He had cried before, yes, but nothing like this. Nothing that poured out of his heart like water, nothing like this ever.

For all those reasons, Lex gave Clark what he'd never given to anyone else, except for his mother, and that was his tears.

Shock led way to pain, which only made his heart ache. Clark wound his arms tightly around his lover and wound him close. The sobs wrenching from his beautiful lovers throat were like ragged stones hitting the earth...full of pain and sadness. He took them into himself and away from his lover, let him cry the tears he'd held inside for a very long time. And Clark rocked him. He gathered him close and pressed his cheek to his lovers head, his own falling down his cheeks as he listened to the pain come out of him.

Lex felt comforting arms around him, holding him close and cradling him tenderly, and somehow, that only opened more of the sadness inside him. Great, wracking sobs and then nearly silent sobs, and they kept coming. More than Lex realized he had inside of him, more than just the day's pain, harsh sounds and so many tears caught in his throat.

"My aushna'. Aushna', beloved." Clark murmured, gently pulling his lover close... closer, into the circle of his arms, and slid up the bed. He lay his lover among the pillows, pulling his shoes off gently, and did the same for himself before sliding underneath the covers. He pulled Lex close, tucking him under his chin as they shared the pillows, and wound his arms tightly around him. "I’m here, my beloved. I’m here. I’m here, my baby." He stroked Lex's head gently, his back, caressing and rubbing soothingly as he closed his eyes to the pain. He never stopped, always soothing, always purring and murmuring and whispering his love.

The closest, freshest pain was this morning, and that was what Lex clung to the longest as he curled against Clark. "I don't need anyone but you," he admitted between wracking breaths. And those were his only words as he let Clark rock him, slowly riding the crest of the flood as his tears started to dry up.

"He loves you. He loves you as much as I love you. You’re his son." Clark murmured softly, still stroking as he soothed his beloved. He stroked his head gently, the back of his skull and neck, and kept him gently close. "He loves you. Don’t let him go."

"He let me go; he let me go years ago and I've been clinging like an idiot to something that wasn't ever there."

"A lie. You know it like I do." Another whisper as he pulled his lover close, and let him get it all out. Let him push out the insecurities and pain.

"If it were there, he would have told me what was going on. He would have told me about his marriage, would have told me about his plans for the weekend. Would have shared with me, his son. But he didn't, Clark. He didn't. He didn't want me there, he didn't want me to know at all."

"Baby, there’s a reason. There’s always reasons for things we do. Do you think maybe he wanted as little exposure as he could get? But if Lionel Luthor, and Lex Luthor, and probably me, all went overseas for the weekend, the journalists would have been like hunters on a scent. Your dad and Mr. Senatori's day would have been ruined, baby. As it is, the paparazzi still got to them. You know? Baby, there’s always reasons."

"He still could have told me. He could have told me that he wanted it low key. Christ, I'm not that insensitive, no matter how much I act it sometimes, and I understand the need for delicacy! But he didn't even tell me!"

Clark swallowed gently, stroking down Lex's back softly. "Baby, are you sure he didn’t leave you a message somewhere? An email, a note, something?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I've been checking my email all weekend; the only thing in the LuthorCorp account is one telling me to make sure I bring the PC. He doesn't know the one that you and I use, and my father doesn't do notes."

"And your phone?" Clark asked softly, caressing a slender cheek, as he rubbed his thumb under puffy red eyes. "Oh, my AJ."

"I checked my voicemail; nothing there. My office has been forwarding my calls to LuthorCorp offices in Metropolis and nothing. No calls all weekend."

"No… the phone. The phone you take every where… the cell. Though," A moment, and Clark’s smile was soft. "Why you need to take a cell around with you is hard to understand. I know, you've got a secret boyfriend out there." He tried to lighten his lovers mood with a fluttery, Latino sigh, and pulled a fairly decent imitation of Enrique. "Aye, poppie."

Lex gave a small laugh. "My secret boyfriend has a cell of his own that he never uses." Then he swallowed the laugh. "I don't think Dad knows my cell."

"Positive?"

Lex's brows furrowed. "Honestly, no."

"And hey...why does this secret boyfriend get a cell he never uses too? What, do you give out a cell phone to all the cute boys?"

Lex gave another small smile under his furrowed brows. "I only give out cell phones to the delivery boys. And speaking of..." Lex rooted through the pockets of his coat until he came up with his cell phone. "Okay, you little bastard... let's see what you're hiding."

"Hey, now. Peter Mitchell’s a delivery boy. And yeah, don’t kill me, but I’m gay, not dead. And yeah, he's hot." A beat, and Clark smiled at his lover, kissing the furrow gently. "Next weekend. Mall. Boy gazing."

Lex dialed in his phone number and access code.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Luthor. You have three messages in your inbox. To play your messages--"

"Yeah, yeah, fuck you, I know how to work my voice mail." Lex pressed 1 on the keypad and listened to the first message.

"Goddammit Lex Luthor! Answer your fucking phone next time! All right, listen! There's this bitch named Olivia who works at Rainbow Boutique and she overheard me and Pete and Chloe and Whitney talking about you and Clark, and she's going to try and start some shit about it, I just know it. I've got her name tag if you need it... ANSWER YOUR GODDAMNED PHONE, JERK!"

"She got her--" Clark had leaned in to hear… and yeah. His head slammed against Lex's at the mind jarring scream and he winced and rubbed his noggin...then Lex's, and rolled his eyes heavenward. "If Pete knows what’s good for him, he'll buy an industrial strength muzzle."

Lex jerked the phone back about six inches from his ear, and he could still hear every word clearly. "And I will finance the purchase." His eyes watered from where his head had thudded against Clark's, he waited for the ringing in his ear to die down before he listened to the second message. "I'll deal with the woman at the mall later."

The second message was from Rico, asking about why they'd deserted the club Friday night without warning.

The third message is what caught Lex's heart in his throat.

"Lex, this is your father. I got this number from Carolyn, and I am leaving this message for you here in the hopes that no one else will get it. Dominic and I are taking a small trip this weekend, to Venice. We have some private business to take care of, and I hope that you'll forgive our rush, but we hope to duck the photographers and such by going alone. I know that you'll understand the need for privacy. Goodbye, Lex."

Clark. Just. Nodded. He listened to the message, not leaning in as close this time, and gazed at his lover softly, tipping his head a little bit. Alright. I told you so was not a good line right about now, so instead, he gently stroked Lex's head where they'd bumped. "Private business, i.e., marriage."

Lex hurled the phone at the wall and watched it shatter. "I didn't know he had my goddamned cell phone number! Fuck!"

Oh. Clark jumped a little bit, hit their heads again, though not as hard, and watched the phone smash. "Lex… baby." He winced and gently pulled him in again, softly stroking his skin in an effort to get him to calm. "Lex."

"I'm going to start wearing a helmet around you," Lex chided softly, rubbing his head. "I'm calm, Clark."

"Your cell phone? Smushed. Now how are the cute boys going to get in touch with you?" Clark heaved a melodramatic sigh, but his face was serious as he stroked Lex's. "Told you he loved you."

"They can leave a message," he deadpanned.

Clark grinned crookedly. "Don’t change the subject."

"You asked." He snuggled in.

"You’re good at getting your way." Clark pulled his lover close, linked their legs, and let his eyes close. "When are you going to talk to him?"

"When Hell freezes over."

"But… but he…?"

"But he left me a message?" Lex finished softly.

Clark nodded a little bit and pressed his palm gently to a warm flank.

"I know he did."

Clark looked a little confused as he nuzzled his lovers cheek. Sure, he was perpetually confused, but this was more than just a little bit. "Then....then why are you not gonna..?"

"Clark, if you were going to get married, would you leave it as a message on your mother's answering machine?"

"My mother's a gentle lady, but she'd rip my head up and stuff it up my ass."

"Exactly. You'd have the common courtesy and familial loyalty to tell her to her face."

"I still think there's a reason, baby." Clark nodded gently. "There’s got to be. Just..." A heavy sigh.

"I'm sure there is a reason, Clark. I can give you several. One, my father is an inconsiderate bastard. That we already knew. Two, Dominic is also an inconsiderate bastard. Again, we already knew that, though I must admit to being surprised. Three, neither of them wants me to be a part of their lives, which I am quite all right with."

"Lex... I love you. You know that, right? Then don’t take what I’m about to say in the wrong way. But yeah, you're an idiot."

Lex looked at his lover oddly. "Is this in the same way I took your Lex, don't take this the wrong way but pull your head out of your ass comment a few months ago?"

"Exactly the same." A little grin as he kissed the strange line of his lovers lips... bit just a little, and licked the bite. "Your dad is one of the most powerful, if not the most powerful man on earth. He owns half the free world, and more then half of the... not free world, I’m not really sure what that is but I’m positive he owns it. Baby…" Clarks brows furrowed at the center. "If I were in his position and I was going to marry my gay lover, who happened to be my assistant, I wouldn’t want to tell anyone, either. If not for my sake... for my lovers sake." A moment. "People aren’t going to look on Dominic kindly. They aren’t going to see him as anything other than a gold digger. I think your dad knows that, and that’s why he didn’t say anything."

"My father is having his will changed to include Dominic and their children," Lex replied softly. "Maybe Dominic is a gold digger."

A moment. "Maybe. But you know that’s not right as much as I do, and I barely know the guy."

"Yes, I do, sadly enough," Lex admitted, pulling the sleeping puppy back into his hip so he could continue petting.

"Well, then?" Clark gazed at him stroke his little baby.

"I'm still not going to speak to either of them."

Clark flopped his head back, sighed at the ceiling… then turned to look at his love again and sit up. "Come on, lets go give your scientific mind a work out. Lets go do some work downstairs. I kinda wanted to see how fast I run. Can you calculate that?"

Lex chuckled softly. "Yeah, I think I can. Though you're not burning out another treadmill. We'll have to do a speed comparison with normal human speed."

"Okay." He smiled and lifted Samson, his little snoring pup, and tucked him on his shoulder. "Away, oh scientificy, head up thee's ass one!"

Lex reached out, took Samson, tucked the little puppy against his elbow, and looked expectantly at Clark, waiting to be picked up.

The choked laugh escaped him without him wanting to, and he just lifted Lex up onto his arm, tucked him into the circle of his embrace, knees over one forearm, left arm tight around his lovers back and shoulders. And sped away.

-fin-

go on to the next part