The Memoirs

Graham put the timeworn copy of "So Early In The Morning" down on the table beside his brother's bed, and turned off the light. "There you are, bruther," he said softly. "Jes' like ye used tae'be. Layin' in bed wi'yer blankets pulled up round yer cold ears, and listenin' t'me readin' to ye till ye fell sleepin'." He leaned forward, habitually ready to brush Dominic's hair off his forehead before he remembered Morgan hadn't had bangs in twenty years, and even if he had, they were all shaved off now. "Only now, I'm wishin' ye were wakin' up, no'sleepin' yer life away."

The room was mostly quiet, except for his brother's breathing, and he just shook his head. "I shouldna bin distractin' ye wi'talk o'likker on tha eyesore of a staircus. I just... I missed ye so, Morgan. Missed ye more'n I can tell ye, an I was s'happy t'see ye a'gin."

Not that Dominic could respond. His body, already lean, was thinning out now, the muscle and weight he had painstakingly gained slipping away with every hour of every day he spent unconscious. His knee, bandaged, bruised, stitched, sat limp and useless on top of a warm pillow, keeping the tendons at a certain angle to promote healing. His ribs were finally starting to knit, so the breath rattling in and out of his lungs wasn't as hardly won as it had been. His arm was still bound tightly to his chest, though the doctors had told them it would be safe to take them off, since Dominic wasn't moving. Lionel had refused, and bindings stayed on for two and a half more weeks. His head, shaved and bandaged, hadn't moved since the nurse came in to change the bandages themselves. A warm blanket, one from his home in fact, was over his body save his knee, which was still under the metal splint keeping everything where it should be.

It was the first thing Clark saw, as he stopped in the door. Graham, sitting by Dominic's bed, talking to him. Dominic, unconscious. The second part wasn't as shocking as it had been the last few days... he supposed he'd gotten used to the sight, and hated that he had. So he just rubbed his face and let out a long, silent breath, as he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. "Hey, Graham. Came to check in on Dom before I get to bed."

"Aye, Clark." Graham leaned back in his chair, and flicked the light back on, blinking quickly in the light from becoming used to the darkness. "Hasna been a change. Thou' one time, I seen'is eyelids flickerin', but reckon he's dreamin', cause he didna wake."

"You can take it off." Clark murmured. "I don't mind." he sat down in the empty chair beside Graham, and looked across Dominic's sleeping form. "The doctor said sometimes he'll do that. Brain waves." He hated to dash Graham's hopes but it had already happened a few times, so he just gently touched Dominic's covered leg and squeezed.

Graham gratefully reached back up and turned the bedside lamp off. "Aye, fraida that." He clasped his hands over his stomach as he leaned back in the chair. "Dunna know what t'spect, Clark."

"No. But you have to hope for the best." He murmured quietly. "I'm sorry, I... I heard you. What... you used to read to him when he was little?"

"Dinna be sorry; ever'one else in th'ward's heard it." He picked up the book in the dark, feeling the frayed corners and brittle pages. "Tis called So Early In The Morning, and 'twas one of his favorite songbooks."

"What's it about?" Clark looked at the book in the dim light from the hall and the monitors Dominic was hooked up to.

Graham shrugged. "Birds singin' in the mornin', th'sun comin' up to meet 'em, the green grass'n blue sky." He looked at the book in the dark, seeing the cover in his mind's eye. "Hadna thou'bout it fer years, but I foun' it in the boxes from th'ouse. Felt like it couldna hurt, so I asked Toni t'bring it nex' time she come."

"It sounds like he'd like that." he reached out then, and squeezed Grahams shoulder. "How's Toni? I haven't talked to her in what feels like years... how's the baby? Lex was asking after her today, but we haven't seen her for a few days, so we weren't sure." A moment. "Are she and Dr. Bryce still angry with one another?"

Graham gave a little smile at that. "Oh, aye, she is. Will barely speak civil to th'man, and he's no changin' his min' aboot lettin' 'er be involved. But isna rilly that, Clark," he said with a nod. "Tis th'fact he canna do anythin' to make him wake."

Clark nodded softly, looking across at Dominic, again. "Lionel's finally asleep. I checked on him before I got over here, twice. Asleep. He took the suitcase and stuff out, though." A sad look lit his eyes, as he gently fixed the blankets tucked under Dominic's feet. "Its nearing nine, now. Until when will you be here?"

"I'll be here till th'mornin'. Let Li'nel sleep, an'I'll go home and sleep when 'e's here."

"I'll come." Clark nodded, swiftly. "I'll be here by one. Let me sleep for a few hours, and then I can take second shift. When Lionel gets here, I'll go home and sleep." He nodded again, firmly.

"Ye willna. I've stric' orders from me lady t'make sure ye dinna do anythin' of the soart. Yer t'stay wi'yer boyfrien' and keep him from o'erworkin'." He glared in the darkness towards where Clark's voice was coming from.

"Can't. Tried." At that, Clark sighed. Deeply. "He's going in to the building at six tomorrow. I tried to change his mind, but you know Lex. Arguing with him is like arguing with a particularly stubborn brick wall." He rubbed his face again. "I want to be here."

"Sit on 'im," Graham confided. "'e's skinny as a bloody rail. Ye'll be able t'hold him down like a wisp."

Clark snorted, quietly. "I'd like to live to see twenty. No way--he'll kill me. And guilt me. And do terrible, terrible boyfriend things that make me feel bad. What he wants he has, Graham. And what I want is to be here. So I'll come at one, kay?"

"On'y if ye wan' Toni t'skin me alive," he glared. "She's goin' to th'doctor tomorra, an I'm goin' with her."

"Which is why you'll need sleep." Clark answered smoothly. "Toni won't skin you alive if she knows I had you kicked out."

"Ye canna," Graham said bleakly. "'M blood kin, an' I canna be removed less'n I make a fuss."

Clark sighed. Deeply. "Dammit. I'm going to give her a chewing out the next time I see her." He looked at Graham sadly, and squeezed his arm. "I don't want you to stay here all night. I won't tell her anything if you won't."

"Ye willna. She's worried about ye, and she's worried abou' Lex. Thinks ye dinna know how t'watch out for yerselves." He snorted. "Isna a matter o'tellin her anythin'. She works here, boyo. The staff'll tell her; they're bloody terrified o'her."

Clark hadn't thought about that. That in itself was terrifying, and he exchanged a wince with Graham. "For being so little she sure is feisty, isn't she?" He sighed, and rubbed his hands through his hair. "When Lex leaves the house then, so will I. Okay?"

"Feisty, aye, 'tis one way'o puttin' things." He dragged his fingers through his beard, wincing at the crinkle of hair, and he sighed. "Aye, tha' sounds fair enou'. Might even be ebble t'swing a few hours o'sleep at home."

Clarks eyebrows furrowed tightly at that, and he squeezed Grahams arm. "Want me to get you something? Food? Caffeine drip?"

"Nae, Clark, m'fine as I c'n be at the moment." He sighed. "'m hopin' t'sleep a bit tonight."

"I feel terrible leaving you here." Clark murmured, wincing again softly at him. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do?"

"Short o'wakin' Marghan up? Tisna anythin' tae be done."

"I know. But hey, look on the bright side. At least this way, Toni can't yell at you for resting on the job." Clark answered lightly, trying to get the mountainous man next to him to smile, and not succeeding very well. He looked back at Dominic, trying not to think of how haunted the unconscious man looked, and finally, finally, he whispered, "He'll be okay. He's going to be okay, if it kills me."

"Aye, Clark. He'll be okay, if it kill the both o'us."

"Did they say if they'd be needing more blood?" Clark asked, looking at Graham quietly. The day before yesterday he'd gotten the shock of his life when a nurse had asked him to donate blood, and he'd had to come up with seventeen different excuses before Lex had butt in and told the woman he was terrified of needles. Which he was. Except for different reasons than most people.

"Aye, but don'worry. Li'nel tol' the nurses to stay in th'family an him, becausea somethin' that happened round here with rocks. Didna catch it all, was sleepin' throu' half o'it, but the gist was the rocks round here make people's blood go funny." He yawned. "Or mebbe I dreamed it."

"The rocks do make people's blood go funny. Green meteor rocks, from the crash in '89." Clark murmured in answer. "Our town isn't very normal, Graham. It may seem okay now, and has recently, but give it time. People go crazy from overexposure."

Graham just blinked. "Hope I dunna get over'sposed. Toni says I'm crazy'nuff as t'is." He snorted.

Clark offered Graham a little smile. "Deliberate overexposure." He answered quietly. "There's a scientific study at the museum, where you can read about the reports that came out of Smallville after the crash. There were a lot of atmospheric fluctuations and stuff that its too late at night to talk about, but it goes into detail on why the soil is so fertile, and the places to stay away from."

He just nodded again. "Mebbe Shaney an'I'll go check it out, once his unca Marghan is awake'n ready t'go wi'us."

A lump rose in Clarks throat, and he thought he might cry for one terrible moment, before calming his emotions once more. "Well… I'll see you tomorrow morning, kay?"

"Aye. Dinna fret yerself so, laddie. T'will all be workin' out in th'end."

The problem was... would it? "I know." Another smile. "Have faith."

"Always do," Graham nodded. "I havena lately, but I do now."

"See you tomorrow, then." He turned to Dominic, and rose up to kiss his forehead. "Night, Dominic, sleep well."

- = - = -

The trip back from the hospital was uneventful. It was already nearing nine thirty, and Clark was so tired he could barely walk straight. It felt like he hadn't slept in months, especially now with some of the tension gone from his body. He needed to sleep. It was a physical need now, past a mental one and to something exhausting.

He leapt over the fences leading onto Luthor land, blew a kiss to his son on the hill, and took the secret entrance at the back of the house behind the gargoyle.

Clark crept quietly through the corridor leading to his and Lex's room. It was quiet as a tomb in the house, even at the early evening hour, and he knew he wasn't the only exhausted one. He opened the door gently and took in the sleeping form on the bed, silently. With quiet, quiet movements Clark stripped out of his clothes, toed his shoes off, pushed his socks from his feet, and slid in, naked, behind his beautiful aushna'.

He nuzzled his neck gently as he slid under the sheets, sliding up to gently cradle his lovers body against his, chest to Lex's back, and gave a long, soft breath into his lovers neck as he kissed it.

Lex stretched as he curled back into his lover, opening his eyes sleepily and barely disturbing the three puppies that lay curled along the length of his body. He hadn't meant to fall asleep, but the puppies had laid down beside him, gotten him warm and quiet, the television had been droning on in the background about whatever was happening in the world today, and he'd fallen straight to sleep.

The dipping of the mattress under his aushna's weight told him Clark was home, and the fact that he was waking up had told him he'd fallen asleep, and he opened his eyes again, after a series of rapid blinks to clear them, and he looked over his shoulder. "Hey," he said softly.

"Hey." Clark murmured back to him, licking his neck softly, his shoulder, and then pressing kisses to each spot as he warmed Lex's cool skin against his chest. Lex was always cold, because of the distinct lack of hair, and Clark found it lucrative to warm him at every chance. He snuggled them in, back to chest, hips to butt, legs wound around legs, and slid his arm snuggly around Lex's middle. "Back, now. Sleep."

"I'm okay; the nap worked wonders." Lex let himself be snuggled back against Clark, absorbing the warmth greedily into his body.

Heee. Clark liked the wriggles, obviously, and giggled wickedly into Lex's skin, teasingly, gently. "Lucky. I'm so tired."

"Then you should sleep," Lex murmured softly, his hands slipping down to stroke over Clark's larger ones. "We can talk tomorrow night."

Clark shook his head, softly. "Talk to me. I'm listening." His fingers opened to help Lex clasp in his own, and he snuggled him gently close.

"I do believe Whitney's going to be graduating soon," Lex started quietly. "We need to pick what we're going to get him. I've got something in mind, but... I think you're going to think it's too much, so I'd like to hear your ideas first."

"Kay. Listening." he said again, or rather, murmured against Lex's neck as he let his eyes close, to breathe in the soft, wonderful smell of Lex's skin.

Lex laughed softly. "Okay, I'll go first. I think we should give him a house. For him, Chloe, and the baby."

"A house?" At that, Clark lifted his head slightly, but not enough to move away from the musky scent of Lex's incredibly wonderful skin. He set his head down again, resting cozily against the pillow they were sharing, and thought for a moment. "Hmm. I think... well, I actually think it would rock. Where at?"

Slightly surprised that he wasn't getting yelled at for his extravagance, Lex continued. "One of the new ones we built, in the new phase of Pleasant Meadows. They're all basic--two bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, fireplace, etc. The perfect first house for a new family, actually."

Clark felt a sliver of his lovers surprise, and smiled into Lex's warm neck. "I'm not going to yell. They're your sha'nauch as well as my own, and if I had that kind of money I'd buy them a house too. I think… you should talk to Whitney about it, and if that's what he wants, what he and Chloe want, then I say go for it."

"They can't live with Chloe's father forever," Lex pointed out. "Especially with the baby coming."

"No, but they might want to live in another town." Clark pointed out, as he rubbed Lex's fingers gently with his own.

"They won't," Lex said firmly, with just a little edge of hysteria. "Chloe's family is here, Whitney's business is here, and they're ours. They're not going anywhere."

At the words, Clarks lips twitched again. "But they might want to live by the coast, you know."

"I'll put leashes on them," he growled.

"They have to live their lives too," Clark teased, as he gently stroked a hand over his lovers belly, tickling the soft indent of belly button.

"Then they can live them here in Smallville," Lex muttered. "Because they're not going anywhere. They're staying with us, and that's final."

"And what happens when we move to Metropolis, baby?" Clark murmured into Lex's skin, as he rubbed the indent of belly button gently, and then over the soft muscles leading up his chest.

"They'll be moving too," Lex said firmly. "Because Chloe will be starting college, and if I know her, she'll make her boyfriend start."

"Mmm. So buying a house might not be the best thing, then." Clark whispered, softly. "Maybe renting a house for them, instead?"

"Mmm. I think you're probably right," Lex mused. "Even though I bet they could use the money from the sale of it when they're ready to move. An 18-month lease, then?"

"Mmhmm." Clark murmured, kissing Lex's neck gently. "Ask them what they want. They may want to buy after all, you never know. It's not like it'd take us more than five seconds to come into Smallville everyday."

"You know, asking them kind of takes the whole surprise element away from a surprise graduation gift," Lex pointed out.

At that, who couldn't help but grin? "Sure does." Another soft lick, and a murmur of pleasure at the taste of soap and skin. "Maybe you can make it a lease-to-buy."

Lex gave a little purring noise. "I like that idea. I'll add it to my list of 1001 Miracles To Accomplish Tomorrow." He stretched and nestled himself a little closer. "What else did you have in mind for them?"

"I'm going to buy six months worth of diapers." Clark smiled, then, gently, because he was completely serious. "So they don't have to deal with it for a while."

Lex chuckled. "Are we going to save the caves for Chloe's graduation, then? Or the baby's birth?"

"No. I think we need to have them find it now...that way they can put a down payment on a car. Whitney told me he knows which one he wants already, and with the money they would get from the caves… it would put them in a financially secure frame of mind."

"How do you want to do it, then?" He stayed close to Clark's chest, breathing deeply. "Because other than shoving them down the same shaft we fell through... anything else we do is going to scream setup."

"I don't know that yet. I'll figure that out tomorrow." A nod, as he licked Lex's neck again, gently nipping the skin he'd licked. "When I have more brain cells functioning."

"I know the feeling." He paused. "What would you like to do to celebrate your passing and Whitney's graduation, party wise? I hear the school is doing one of their chemical free lock-in things, but I can give you personal assurances, things are much more fun when you are locked in with chemicals."

Alright. At that, Clarks lips twitched. "Alcohol. Mother's milk." A low purr, but he grinned anyway. "I'd love to have a sleepover here at the house. The guys... maybe Steve and his girlfriend. Steve's a great guy. And… maybe Wally? If he'd be up to it. He's been working his butt into the ground, and deserves a night of booze." A little smile, though it was curious. "I've been curious about... you know. Drugs. Lately. What they're like."

"Not nearly as much fun as they're cracked up to be," Lex said firmly. "Especially when one is an alien and we do not know how they will react with one's system. If one wishes to experiment with drugs, take the advice of someone who has been there, and do not do it."

Yeah, well. Clark had been intensely curious for a while, and the curiosity had only piqued since he had merged back from CK and Kal. He suspected it had been Kal's curiosity that he was dealing with now, and he bit his lip as he thought. "Nah. I bet you've had some fun times while high."

"Fun? Yes. Dangerous? Yes. Life-threatening for myself and those around me? Yes. Resulting in the deaths of other people? Yes."

"Well, I wouldn't kill anyone," Clark murmured.

"You wouldn't mean to," Lex pointed out. "That doesn't mean you wouldn't. I didn't mean to get in the fights I did, but I did. I didn't mean for Jude Royce to have died, but I was tanked on heroin at the time, and I thought it would be fun to show Amanda that he was cheating on her so I could maybe get laid that night. Now someone I cared about is dead because I was high, and I'm not going to let you take that risk." He paused for a deep breath. "You told me once that if you caught me with drugs, ever again, that it was going to be the end of us. And I'm going to tell you that now. If I ever catch you with it? It will be over."

Hard, sharp, terrible fear clouded his throat, and he had to swallow against it to get the sharp knives of it out of his throat. A ghost of the fear that could come, so he just nodded and closed his eyes, still holding Lex close. "You couldn't leave me."

"Maybe, maybe not. But I'd give it a good damn try." Lex's voice was hard. "I'm not going to let you make the mistakes and fritter away the chances I had, because you've worked too hard to get them."

"They wouldn't work on me, anyway." Clark said lightly, instead. In truth, he was just looking for a situation where he could let go of all the stress in his life, and rubbed Lex's arm lightly as he thought.

"But they might hurt you," Lex countered sharply. He heard the echo in his lover's thoughts, and he gave a nod. "I know how you feel, Clark. Believe me, I do. I have an appointment with Elaine wedged in instead of my lunch; once I have a grip on myself? I'll come back home to you and take away everything that's bothering you."

"Its not about that." Clark said, softly, and let go of his lover to roll over onto his back and rub his face. "its not about that. I'm so confused about everything, Lex. I don't know how to make it all work."

Lex followed, and curled up so that his head rested on Clark's shoulder. "Sometimes it doesn't work. All we can do is hold on until it does again."

"But I don't know how to make it work. How it all fits." He looked at Lex quietly, laying on his chest, and just... decided not to even bother, as he closed his eyes and draw the blankets up around them as much as he could with the puppies snoring beside Lex. "Graham's with Dominic. I'll go relieve him at five."

"We're missing a piece," Lex said softly. "Once he comes back, things will work again. Clark... that's the thing. You don't have to make it work. It works automatically, because it's right. You just have a part in it, that's all. You're not responsible for the working of this family. Just be a part of it."

Alright, was he ever not going to cry again tonight. His chin trembled but he closed his eyes tightly and turned into Lex's soft embrace, cuddling him so they were chest to chest, there under the warmth of his blankets. "I miss him so much."

Lex wrapped his arms tightly around Clark, hugging him close. "I do too, Clark. I do too."

"He's supposed to be here." Clark croaked, his voice breaking violently into the hollow of Lex's neck. "Why isn't he here? He's supposed to be here, and everything should be alright."

"He's sick," Lex said quietly. "He's sick, but he'll get better. He'll get better and here, and things will be okay again." He couldn't bring himself to make it a promise, because he knew full well he'd never be capable of making it happen.

"I'm so sorry... I should be helping you, Lex." Clark choked into his lovers neck, and there were the sobs he'd been holding back for twelve days now. He cried, hoarsely, into Lex's neck, sobbing as he held him tightly, grasping his shoulders and holding him close to him.

"You are helping me," Lex said, rocking his aushna's torso against his own. "You're helping me more than you realize. You're keeping me sane; you make it all right for me to be upset when I need to be, so that I can be strong now, when you need me." He brought one hand up to stroke through Clark's hair. "You're doing everything I could ask for and more."

While Clark felt a keen loss for Dominic, the pain that was hurting the worst came from losing Lionel. He missed him so much, and he felt the loss of them both so keenly, so deeply, that he almost couldn't imagine what it was like for Lex. So he just squeezed his lover once more, hard, hugging him close as he swallowed his sobs, clearing his throat as his runny nose made his voice sound plugged. "Fuck."

"It's okay," Lex repeated again, fumbling at the bedside table for the box of white tissues and held the box out to his aushna'. "You miss Dad more, and I miss Dominic more," Lex mused with a painful grin. "Who'd have ever thought that." He hugged his aushna' as tightly as he could. "Maybe if you talked to Jor-El, he might be able to... well, not replace Dad, because nobody has that special fuck you attitude that my father pulls off so well, but at least be able to guide you, a little."

"I was going to, tonight." Clark admitted softly, whispering quietly. He'd been talking to his father on and off for days, and though he didn't agree at all with his father's thoughts on what Lex had done during Kal and CK's stay here, he still loved the man too much too be angry with him. "Would it be okay?"

Lex nodded. "It would be very okay; it wouldn't be disrespectful at all, if that's what you're worried about."

Clark nodded, and stared quietly at his lover in misery as he rubbed the wet tracks from his cheeks. "Life sucks so much."

"Yeah. It does suck. But we'll get through it, because that's what we do together." Lex kissed both of Clark's damp cheeks. "I love you."

"I didn't mean it, about the drugs." Clarks voice was lower than a whisper when Lex's lips brushed his cheeks, and he opened his eyes to look into Lex's. "I didn't mean it. You wouldn't ever have to leave me because of something stupid like that."

"I know you didn't. But I had to tell you how serious I was about it." He stroked his thumb over Clark's cheek gently.

"If… If I ever did something like that, dumb like that… w-would you leave? Leave me?" Clark whispered back.

"No," Lex confessed. "I couldn't. I'd be furious, angry, and disappointed... but I could never leave."

"Okay. I had to make sure." Clark whispered, as his fingers gently stroked over Lex's back, his voice still hiccupping as he looked into those earnest, gently gray eyes. "I love you so much."

"You're my life," Lex said simply, not blinking as he looked down at his love. "I couldn't leave." He let his hand slide down to rest on Clark's bare chest, and stroked a nipple lovingly. "I'd never leave, even if I could."

At the soft stroke Clark gave a trembling little sigh, swallowing at the lump still lodged in his throat as he stroked over Lex's face and pushed down the urge to cry again. "That's good. Me neither. Not ever." Another stroke, and then a soft kiss. "I love you so much. Dominic will get better, and Aurora will be born, and then you and I will have ours, too."

Lex nodded. "Dominic said... before his accident, he told me that my father had put in his legal paperwork that if anything happened to them, that Aurora was to be given to us. I accepted at the time because I didn't think anything like this was going to happen, but... if Dominic doesn't... my father may not want the baby."

The thought shocked the hell out of Clark, and his eyes widened to near ovals as his throat closed again. "What?"

"You heard him refuse to go to the doctor with Toni," Lex said, with a quaver in his voice though his eye contact with Clark didn't break. "If Dominic doesn't make it, there's a chance that my father won't want her, won't want to be reminded of Dominic, like I reminded him of my mother. Would you... would you help me raise her?"

"You don't even have to ask." Clark whispered, even as he stared at his lover. "But, surely Lionel wouldn't... after everything he and Dominic went through?" He couldn't even fathom it, and squeezed his eyes shut as he held Lex close. "Go to sleep. No more, tonight. Sleep, now."

Lex closed his eyes, though he didn't go to sleep. "Do you want me to go with you to talk to your father, or would you rather talk to him alone?" Lex was all right with either; alone would let him get more sleep, and with his aushna' would let him be supportive.

"Not now. Later. Tomorrow. I'm so tired, Lex." Whispered again, as he turned to his lover again and got more comfortable, tucking an arm under the warm pillow and holding Lex loosely, but warmly.

"Then go to sleep," he murmured. "I'll be sleeping here beside you, and I'll wake you up when I leave so you can relieve Graham, okay?"

"Promise?"

"I promise," Lex said. He kissed the shoulder his cheek was resting on, and snuggled closer.

"I love you more than words can say." Clark murmured to him, as they snuggled under the blankets and as always, intertwined their legs.

Lex murmured softly, smiling into Clark's skin as their legs tangled together, and he finally let tired eyes droop closed as he felt protected in his aushna's arms.

 

-fin-

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